Thursday, September 19, 2013
Disclaimer: Welcome to the disclaimer! Aside from the title, this blog has nothing to do with the band Blink 182. I just thought it was a good title for what I want to talk about tonight.
Lately I've been really restless, like, to the point where the smallest things have been making me a lot more upset than normal. That's not like me, not at all. Far too many people, some strangers and some friends, have been asking me if I'm okay lately. Truth be told, I'm not okay, but I will be. I know the one who holds me knows what he is doing. Also, as I was on Skype with my best friend earlier (praise the good Lord for that invention, seriously!), she told me that I've been tired for ages and as I reflect on that statement, she's right.
And not just physically tired either but emotionally tired. Tired to the point where I've needed a really good reason to have to leave the house and even then, I've been trying to find a good excuse to stay inside. Sure, I've had some people be totally harsh to me lately which has rocked me a bit emotionally (if you didn't know, I got punched in the face last week), but I really do need to get over the fear, suck it up and sometimes, just go out and get some things done. As one of my best friends, Sarah, told me last week, I can't live my life in fear and can't settle for second-best because God wants me to live an abundant life and living locked in my room is not an abundant life whatsoever. The weather hasn't exactly been helping me as it's been raining pretty much non-stop for about two weeks now. Sure, I get we need the rain, but it does make getting out of the house very difficult.
Small things like the way people look at me, speak to me have been annoying me a lot lately. People giving me a half-hearted hug when I know they normally give decent ones, giving one-word replies to text messages etc. Things like that don't normally bother me much which has shown me that maybe I just need some Jesus time and rest. Well, this week I've been watching a lot of funny stuff, spending time with Jesus and other great friends and just thinking that I am right in the middle of a season of change. Not because of anything necessarily bad, but just because that's life sometimes.
On the flip side, small things make me smile. When someone sends me a randomly encouraging message, a hug from my barista, uses terms of endearment toward me in a genuine manner, smiles at me for no real reason, Mum makes me a coffee and a sandwich today for lunch, or my best friend is practically fist-pumping because I bought Lord Of The Rings trilogy on dvd (long story, seriously). I can't remember who said it but someone once said to count the little things because when you look back on your life, you'll realize those were the big things.
God's requiring me to grow and I'm dealing with some growing pains. It hurts but I am starting to see some positive changes. It's hard to exactly put down in a blog what those changes are, but I know God is the one behind all of this. One thing that's happened is I had an interview about my hospital experiences printed in the church magazine. People I know well and don't know well have been saying they're blessed by it and have thanked me for sharing it with them. It blows me away that even when we are tired and dealing with all that, God can still use you to bless others. I think that's a good sign I'm right in the middle of where God wants me, even if it's not exactly comfortable. I haven't blogged in about two and a half weeks because a lot of what I've dealt with lately I haven't felt comfortable sharing publicly, but I would like to say I have been journaling a lot more than I was before. It's been great getting back into that as well, just sitting there with pen and paper, music and coffee. Can't wait for the sun to come back out so I can do more of that!
Seriously friends, get out of your comfort zone and let God take you on a wild ride. It will be scary, but if it is God driving, you'll be totally safe in his hands.
Let God have his job back and just chill. That doesn't mean we do nothing, but it does mean that God will fight your battles. We do what we can do and God does the rest.
"The Lord will fight for you and you shall hold your peace." - Exodus 14:14.
Thursday 19 September 2013
Sunday 1 September 2013
I refuse to be miserable
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Let's get the official business out of the way first. A pinch and a punch for the first of the month and no returns of any kinds. Yeah, I'm real mature!
Anyway, today I had one of those moments where even I had to stop and think to myself, "Did that wisdom really just come out of my own mouth?" Yes, yes it did. I even had to write it down and will surely be telling it to myself for years to come and tonight, I want to share this rare moment with all of you.
I was in the city today picking up my phone because on Friday night, I dropped it and some nice and honest man named Bob picked it up and arranged for me to get it back today. I could write a whole blog on the importance of honesty, but I shall save that idea for another time. Anyway, just after Bob returned my phone to me, I was early to meet my friend Brian and so I was just sitting there people-watching and one person asked why was I smiling, that something significantly awesome must have happened. I said that no, nothing has really happened to make me smile and that I am actually dealing with a lot of stuff right now, but that I refuse to be miserable today and am making a deliberate choice to smile. It is a very hard thing to do and I admit I don't succeed at doing that anywhere near as much as I would like, especially lately, but it is such a liberating thing to do. It takes a lot of strength to smile when everything inside of you just wants to cry, but you will feel so much better for it.
Today is Father's Day in Australia and for those that don't know, I've grown up without my father around for a whole bunch of reasons. It did impact me a lot as a young boy and even into adulthood. However, over the last few years, God has healed that part of me. He has blessed me with several men who love Jesus, are wise, strong and encouraging men and I can honestly say they're like fathers to me. God has even made me a youth leader where I can help teenage boys deal with the same issues I went through, particularly in the area of a lack of a father. Now that just blows my mind when I think about that. This is just one reason why it's significant to me personally that I was choosing to smile today. Anyone who knows me well would probably forgive me for staying in my room and being miserable today, but I refused. I reached out to a friend and my day was great.
So, as hard as it is, make a deliberate choice to refuse to be miserable this week. Yes, life may punch us in the face and even make us question a bunch of things at times and there is nothing wrong with that, but don't stay down. Get back up, dust yourself off, keep going and smile because Jesus loves you.
Let's get the official business out of the way first. A pinch and a punch for the first of the month and no returns of any kinds. Yeah, I'm real mature!
Anyway, today I had one of those moments where even I had to stop and think to myself, "Did that wisdom really just come out of my own mouth?" Yes, yes it did. I even had to write it down and will surely be telling it to myself for years to come and tonight, I want to share this rare moment with all of you.
I was in the city today picking up my phone because on Friday night, I dropped it and some nice and honest man named Bob picked it up and arranged for me to get it back today. I could write a whole blog on the importance of honesty, but I shall save that idea for another time. Anyway, just after Bob returned my phone to me, I was early to meet my friend Brian and so I was just sitting there people-watching and one person asked why was I smiling, that something significantly awesome must have happened. I said that no, nothing has really happened to make me smile and that I am actually dealing with a lot of stuff right now, but that I refuse to be miserable today and am making a deliberate choice to smile. It is a very hard thing to do and I admit I don't succeed at doing that anywhere near as much as I would like, especially lately, but it is such a liberating thing to do. It takes a lot of strength to smile when everything inside of you just wants to cry, but you will feel so much better for it.
Today is Father's Day in Australia and for those that don't know, I've grown up without my father around for a whole bunch of reasons. It did impact me a lot as a young boy and even into adulthood. However, over the last few years, God has healed that part of me. He has blessed me with several men who love Jesus, are wise, strong and encouraging men and I can honestly say they're like fathers to me. God has even made me a youth leader where I can help teenage boys deal with the same issues I went through, particularly in the area of a lack of a father. Now that just blows my mind when I think about that. This is just one reason why it's significant to me personally that I was choosing to smile today. Anyone who knows me well would probably forgive me for staying in my room and being miserable today, but I refused. I reached out to a friend and my day was great.
So, as hard as it is, make a deliberate choice to refuse to be miserable this week. Yes, life may punch us in the face and even make us question a bunch of things at times and there is nothing wrong with that, but don't stay down. Get back up, dust yourself off, keep going and smile because Jesus loves you.
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