Thursday, September 19, 2013
Disclaimer: Welcome to the disclaimer! Aside from the title, this blog has nothing to do with the band Blink 182. I just thought it was a good title for what I want to talk about tonight.
Lately I've been really restless, like, to the point where the smallest things have been making me a lot more upset than normal. That's not like me, not at all. Far too many people, some strangers and some friends, have been asking me if I'm okay lately. Truth be told, I'm not okay, but I will be. I know the one who holds me knows what he is doing. Also, as I was on Skype with my best friend earlier (praise the good Lord for that invention, seriously!), she told me that I've been tired for ages and as I reflect on that statement, she's right.
And not just physically tired either but emotionally tired. Tired to the point where I've needed a really good reason to have to leave the house and even then, I've been trying to find a good excuse to stay inside. Sure, I've had some people be totally harsh to me lately which has rocked me a bit emotionally (if you didn't know, I got punched in the face last week), but I really do need to get over the fear, suck it up and sometimes, just go out and get some things done. As one of my best friends, Sarah, told me last week, I can't live my life in fear and can't settle for second-best because God wants me to live an abundant life and living locked in my room is not an abundant life whatsoever. The weather hasn't exactly been helping me as it's been raining pretty much non-stop for about two weeks now. Sure, I get we need the rain, but it does make getting out of the house very difficult.
Small things like the way people look at me, speak to me have been annoying me a lot lately. People giving me a half-hearted hug when I know they normally give decent ones, giving one-word replies to text messages etc. Things like that don't normally bother me much which has shown me that maybe I just need some Jesus time and rest. Well, this week I've been watching a lot of funny stuff, spending time with Jesus and other great friends and just thinking that I am right in the middle of a season of change. Not because of anything necessarily bad, but just because that's life sometimes.
On the flip side, small things make me smile. When someone sends me a randomly encouraging message, a hug from my barista, uses terms of endearment toward me in a genuine manner, smiles at me for no real reason, Mum makes me a coffee and a sandwich today for lunch, or my best friend is practically fist-pumping because I bought Lord Of The Rings trilogy on dvd (long story, seriously). I can't remember who said it but someone once said to count the little things because when you look back on your life, you'll realize those were the big things.
God's requiring me to grow and I'm dealing with some growing pains. It hurts but I am starting to see some positive changes. It's hard to exactly put down in a blog what those changes are, but I know God is the one behind all of this. One thing that's happened is I had an interview about my hospital experiences printed in the church magazine. People I know well and don't know well have been saying they're blessed by it and have thanked me for sharing it with them. It blows me away that even when we are tired and dealing with all that, God can still use you to bless others. I think that's a good sign I'm right in the middle of where God wants me, even if it's not exactly comfortable. I haven't blogged in about two and a half weeks because a lot of what I've dealt with lately I haven't felt comfortable sharing publicly, but I would like to say I have been journaling a lot more than I was before. It's been great getting back into that as well, just sitting there with pen and paper, music and coffee. Can't wait for the sun to come back out so I can do more of that!
Seriously friends, get out of your comfort zone and let God take you on a wild ride. It will be scary, but if it is God driving, you'll be totally safe in his hands.
Let God have his job back and just chill. That doesn't mean we do nothing, but it does mean that God will fight your battles. We do what we can do and God does the rest.
"The Lord will fight for you and you shall hold your peace." - Exodus 14:14.
Thursday, 19 September 2013
Sunday, 1 September 2013
I refuse to be miserable
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Let's get the official business out of the way first. A pinch and a punch for the first of the month and no returns of any kinds. Yeah, I'm real mature!
Anyway, today I had one of those moments where even I had to stop and think to myself, "Did that wisdom really just come out of my own mouth?" Yes, yes it did. I even had to write it down and will surely be telling it to myself for years to come and tonight, I want to share this rare moment with all of you.
I was in the city today picking up my phone because on Friday night, I dropped it and some nice and honest man named Bob picked it up and arranged for me to get it back today. I could write a whole blog on the importance of honesty, but I shall save that idea for another time. Anyway, just after Bob returned my phone to me, I was early to meet my friend Brian and so I was just sitting there people-watching and one person asked why was I smiling, that something significantly awesome must have happened. I said that no, nothing has really happened to make me smile and that I am actually dealing with a lot of stuff right now, but that I refuse to be miserable today and am making a deliberate choice to smile. It is a very hard thing to do and I admit I don't succeed at doing that anywhere near as much as I would like, especially lately, but it is such a liberating thing to do. It takes a lot of strength to smile when everything inside of you just wants to cry, but you will feel so much better for it.
Today is Father's Day in Australia and for those that don't know, I've grown up without my father around for a whole bunch of reasons. It did impact me a lot as a young boy and even into adulthood. However, over the last few years, God has healed that part of me. He has blessed me with several men who love Jesus, are wise, strong and encouraging men and I can honestly say they're like fathers to me. God has even made me a youth leader where I can help teenage boys deal with the same issues I went through, particularly in the area of a lack of a father. Now that just blows my mind when I think about that. This is just one reason why it's significant to me personally that I was choosing to smile today. Anyone who knows me well would probably forgive me for staying in my room and being miserable today, but I refused. I reached out to a friend and my day was great.
So, as hard as it is, make a deliberate choice to refuse to be miserable this week. Yes, life may punch us in the face and even make us question a bunch of things at times and there is nothing wrong with that, but don't stay down. Get back up, dust yourself off, keep going and smile because Jesus loves you.
Let's get the official business out of the way first. A pinch and a punch for the first of the month and no returns of any kinds. Yeah, I'm real mature!
Anyway, today I had one of those moments where even I had to stop and think to myself, "Did that wisdom really just come out of my own mouth?" Yes, yes it did. I even had to write it down and will surely be telling it to myself for years to come and tonight, I want to share this rare moment with all of you.
I was in the city today picking up my phone because on Friday night, I dropped it and some nice and honest man named Bob picked it up and arranged for me to get it back today. I could write a whole blog on the importance of honesty, but I shall save that idea for another time. Anyway, just after Bob returned my phone to me, I was early to meet my friend Brian and so I was just sitting there people-watching and one person asked why was I smiling, that something significantly awesome must have happened. I said that no, nothing has really happened to make me smile and that I am actually dealing with a lot of stuff right now, but that I refuse to be miserable today and am making a deliberate choice to smile. It is a very hard thing to do and I admit I don't succeed at doing that anywhere near as much as I would like, especially lately, but it is such a liberating thing to do. It takes a lot of strength to smile when everything inside of you just wants to cry, but you will feel so much better for it.
Today is Father's Day in Australia and for those that don't know, I've grown up without my father around for a whole bunch of reasons. It did impact me a lot as a young boy and even into adulthood. However, over the last few years, God has healed that part of me. He has blessed me with several men who love Jesus, are wise, strong and encouraging men and I can honestly say they're like fathers to me. God has even made me a youth leader where I can help teenage boys deal with the same issues I went through, particularly in the area of a lack of a father. Now that just blows my mind when I think about that. This is just one reason why it's significant to me personally that I was choosing to smile today. Anyone who knows me well would probably forgive me for staying in my room and being miserable today, but I refused. I reached out to a friend and my day was great.
So, as hard as it is, make a deliberate choice to refuse to be miserable this week. Yes, life may punch us in the face and even make us question a bunch of things at times and there is nothing wrong with that, but don't stay down. Get back up, dust yourself off, keep going and smile because Jesus loves you.
Saturday, 24 August 2013
I'm done playing chasey
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Today, I was supposed to have lined up in Perth for the 2013 City To Surf. I had signed up for the half-marathon and was looking forward to it, raising money for Cystic Fibrosis WA. However, a couple of weeks ago, a woman wasn't looking where she was going and walked into me, causing a wrist and forearm injury that is still rather painful. Therefore I was unable to take my place today and I'm feeling rather disappointed about that. Although, having said that, it's not too bad because the weather isn't great today and having only got out of a very serious hospital admission two months ago, I'm still exhausted from that.
Well, that's not the point of today's blog, but I thought I'd make mention of that today. The point of today's blog is about the childhood game, chasey. Most of us around my age who grew up in the 1990's will remember the game well. It's played with a group of people and one person would be "it" and they would have to run around and chase other people, tag them and then that person would be it. Well, I hated that game because whenever I was "it", all the other kids would do is go up stairs and the game would be boring because nothing else would happen. It makes it a very boring, one-way game and nobody would have fun. Eventually, I would learn that it was no fun for me and I would stop playing.
Lately my life feels like I've started playing chasey again, particularly with some friendships. Yes, I understand that we will have those people in our lives who are totally selfish and don't give us anything and that's just the way it goes. However, I feel it's happening a lot to me lately, that people are not giving me back much at all and that I'm exhausting myself trying to care for others. Well, I can't do it anymore. I need two-way relationships in my life. If you want to be a part of my life, make an effort, seriously. I get that sometimes people retreat from others and that when people start struggling it can become draining on other people, but what I don't get is when people start blatantly ignoring me, yet they claim they love me in the same sentence. Too many people are doing that with me lately and I'm not liking it one bit. If you love someone, you wouldn't ignore them. It's really that simple, folks.
I think at the moment I am going through another learning experience with life and I just need to figure out who my real friends are all over again. It's another season of change and I'm just not dealing with it as well as I normally do. I think it's because it feels like it's all happening at once and when I'm this tired at the start, I was never going to be able to deal with all this well. I'm deliberately not going into detail here with all that I'm dealing with because it's just too personal.
Lastly, before I finish, I need to make it public information that I'm done with overly sensitive types. I never was a fan of people like that anyway. You know, those people who, when you say something that has absolutely nothing to do with them as a person, yet they take it out of context and then have the audacity to get upset and abuse you for it and then in the end, you feel like the jerk. Well, I'm not dealing with them anymore simply because they are far too high maintenance in my life and I don't have the strength right now.
Well, that's me done for today and now I'm off to crawl back into bed, away from all the draining humans.
Today, I was supposed to have lined up in Perth for the 2013 City To Surf. I had signed up for the half-marathon and was looking forward to it, raising money for Cystic Fibrosis WA. However, a couple of weeks ago, a woman wasn't looking where she was going and walked into me, causing a wrist and forearm injury that is still rather painful. Therefore I was unable to take my place today and I'm feeling rather disappointed about that. Although, having said that, it's not too bad because the weather isn't great today and having only got out of a very serious hospital admission two months ago, I'm still exhausted from that.
Well, that's not the point of today's blog, but I thought I'd make mention of that today. The point of today's blog is about the childhood game, chasey. Most of us around my age who grew up in the 1990's will remember the game well. It's played with a group of people and one person would be "it" and they would have to run around and chase other people, tag them and then that person would be it. Well, I hated that game because whenever I was "it", all the other kids would do is go up stairs and the game would be boring because nothing else would happen. It makes it a very boring, one-way game and nobody would have fun. Eventually, I would learn that it was no fun for me and I would stop playing.
Lately my life feels like I've started playing chasey again, particularly with some friendships. Yes, I understand that we will have those people in our lives who are totally selfish and don't give us anything and that's just the way it goes. However, I feel it's happening a lot to me lately, that people are not giving me back much at all and that I'm exhausting myself trying to care for others. Well, I can't do it anymore. I need two-way relationships in my life. If you want to be a part of my life, make an effort, seriously. I get that sometimes people retreat from others and that when people start struggling it can become draining on other people, but what I don't get is when people start blatantly ignoring me, yet they claim they love me in the same sentence. Too many people are doing that with me lately and I'm not liking it one bit. If you love someone, you wouldn't ignore them. It's really that simple, folks.
I think at the moment I am going through another learning experience with life and I just need to figure out who my real friends are all over again. It's another season of change and I'm just not dealing with it as well as I normally do. I think it's because it feels like it's all happening at once and when I'm this tired at the start, I was never going to be able to deal with all this well. I'm deliberately not going into detail here with all that I'm dealing with because it's just too personal.
Lastly, before I finish, I need to make it public information that I'm done with overly sensitive types. I never was a fan of people like that anyway. You know, those people who, when you say something that has absolutely nothing to do with them as a person, yet they take it out of context and then have the audacity to get upset and abuse you for it and then in the end, you feel like the jerk. Well, I'm not dealing with them anymore simply because they are far too high maintenance in my life and I don't have the strength right now.
Well, that's me done for today and now I'm off to crawl back into bed, away from all the draining humans.
Friday, 16 August 2013
You'll Always Be My Best Friend
Friday, August 16, 2013
Tonight I would like to acknowledge firstly that I don't normally blog on Friday nights because I'm normally at youth. However, due to a wrist/forearm injury that happened last week, I can't be there. Also, it is making things like writing a bit painful, so this one has been a bit slow in progress (not that you'd notice because you're not watching me type this).
Anywho, I need to get on with the point to this particular blog. In four days, on Tuesday August 20th, my best friend of the last three years, Kathleen Ann Walton-Roy, leaves Perth for England. She may or may not tell me off for using her full name here, but either way she loves me and I know she'll get past it. That's a risk I'm willing to take. I'd like to use this blog as a public notice of her greatness and let you all know why I consider her to be my best friend.
We met in June of 2010 in a young adult small group meeting in a friend's apartment in Perth. I can't remember what I said but I must have said something good that night because as soon as the night formally ended, she came up to me, gave me a rather tight hug and said, "I NEED to have a coffee with you sometime soon, please!" Well, the smart thing to do in that situation is say yes. We exchanged phone numbers and so began our friendship. Now, I'm not going to go over every detail of what's happened between then and now because some of it is too personal and some of it will just bore you, so I'll just stick to what I think are the most important details for you.
Over the next few months, we got to know each other rather quickly. Then, life would give me the biggest punch I thought I could ever deal with. On November 10, 2010 at 8:28 am, I got a phone call stating that one of the most inspirational people I've ever known and the one person I could relate to on a medical level, Zoe Johnston, had passed away from the effects of cystic fibrosis. It absolutely smashed me physically, mentally, emotionally and even spiritually. Seriously, I even questioned my faith in God in the aftermath of that. However, one thing that was constant during that time was my friendship with Kathy. She was consistently there with phone calls, messages of encouragement, hugs, prayers and all those great things one needs when one loses someone significant like that.
Like any close friendship that's been around for a while, we have had our share of disagreements. Again, I'm not going into detail, but just proving that our friendship isn't out of a Hollywood movie, and that it's not perfect. However, at the end of the day, the fact is the positives have FAR outweighed the negatives and when you can look at someone and despite having seen their worst, still remember exactly why you love them, you need to hang on to that person because you've got them for life. Seriously, I just can't let her go. Oh, how I have tried in the past, but I just can't. God just will not let me!
There is a theory that some people are in your life for a reason, some for a season and a few for a lifetime. I believe I've found a lifetime friend in Kathy. She's one of the more selfless people on the planet that I know, will stop to help a stranger and she even contacted me from as far as New Zealand while I was in hospital (several times) just to be sure I was okay. Now that is nothing short of amazing! There was one time she even cancelled her day's plans just to take me to hospital and she sat there with me the whole day as well.
She brings out the best in me, encourages me to become all that God has destined for me and as I've made mention, is there for me even during the hardest of times. She's also got the patience to get to the bottom of the barrel and find out the deepest part of an issue. Where some people will just take something at face-value, she will discuss it until it's resolved. Now that just shows the heart of the woman right there!
She's got the most amazing sense of humour and is one of those people who can even make me smile when everything inside of me just wants to cry or scream. I've had the honour of watching her go through some huge personal growth over the past three years as well as she's matured into an amazing, beautiful woman with a seriously great singing voice. Seriously, if you haven't heard it, do yourself a favour and buy her music when she makes an album someday, in the hopefully not too distant future. You know it will be the business, quite literally! It's also been great more recently being able to serve alongside her in youth leadership at Metro Church. If you had asked me a year ago if that would happen, I would have questioned what drug you were on. Not because she doesn't have the heart, but because I thought with her lifestyle (one of those people who just doesn't stop until life forces her to) I figured she'd be too busy to give up her Friday nights for that. However, she's been doing it and has given a really solid effort as well from all reports. I'm a bit disappointed I missed her final night at youth last week with my wrist but from all reports, it was fantastic.
There is nothing I can't talk about with her from the most immature stuff on the internet to deep personal and world issues. I know that being in England is going to be tough for the closeness of our friendship and things will change with us a bit, such as the amount of communication. However, I am totally certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that what she is doing is definitely following the calling of God upon her life for greatness and I wouldn't want anything less for her. She deserves God's best and she's chasing it with all her strength, so I say go, give it your all and share your amazingness with the rest of the world. As much as I'd love to keep her in Perth, this city is simply too small for someone with such a big heart and musical talent as Kathy's. She needs to go, spread her wings and fly into everything God has for her. But for goodness sake, I hope she does come back someday, at least for a holiday, because she's one person who I really would risk life and limb to get on a plane and fly halfway round the world just to find.
In closing, I promise that even from Oxford, England, Kathy will be the first to know when I'm in hospital, about any girl issues I'm facing or about how I'm dominating life. I will miss you and I love you more than I can find the words to state right now. Go with God, keep him first in all that you do and be all that you're called to be in this life and don't settle for second-best! :)
Love,
Perry.
Tonight I would like to acknowledge firstly that I don't normally blog on Friday nights because I'm normally at youth. However, due to a wrist/forearm injury that happened last week, I can't be there. Also, it is making things like writing a bit painful, so this one has been a bit slow in progress (not that you'd notice because you're not watching me type this).
Anywho, I need to get on with the point to this particular blog. In four days, on Tuesday August 20th, my best friend of the last three years, Kathleen Ann Walton-Roy, leaves Perth for England. She may or may not tell me off for using her full name here, but either way she loves me and I know she'll get past it. That's a risk I'm willing to take. I'd like to use this blog as a public notice of her greatness and let you all know why I consider her to be my best friend.
We met in June of 2010 in a young adult small group meeting in a friend's apartment in Perth. I can't remember what I said but I must have said something good that night because as soon as the night formally ended, she came up to me, gave me a rather tight hug and said, "I NEED to have a coffee with you sometime soon, please!" Well, the smart thing to do in that situation is say yes. We exchanged phone numbers and so began our friendship. Now, I'm not going to go over every detail of what's happened between then and now because some of it is too personal and some of it will just bore you, so I'll just stick to what I think are the most important details for you.
Over the next few months, we got to know each other rather quickly. Then, life would give me the biggest punch I thought I could ever deal with. On November 10, 2010 at 8:28 am, I got a phone call stating that one of the most inspirational people I've ever known and the one person I could relate to on a medical level, Zoe Johnston, had passed away from the effects of cystic fibrosis. It absolutely smashed me physically, mentally, emotionally and even spiritually. Seriously, I even questioned my faith in God in the aftermath of that. However, one thing that was constant during that time was my friendship with Kathy. She was consistently there with phone calls, messages of encouragement, hugs, prayers and all those great things one needs when one loses someone significant like that.
Like any close friendship that's been around for a while, we have had our share of disagreements. Again, I'm not going into detail, but just proving that our friendship isn't out of a Hollywood movie, and that it's not perfect. However, at the end of the day, the fact is the positives have FAR outweighed the negatives and when you can look at someone and despite having seen their worst, still remember exactly why you love them, you need to hang on to that person because you've got them for life. Seriously, I just can't let her go. Oh, how I have tried in the past, but I just can't. God just will not let me!
There is a theory that some people are in your life for a reason, some for a season and a few for a lifetime. I believe I've found a lifetime friend in Kathy. She's one of the more selfless people on the planet that I know, will stop to help a stranger and she even contacted me from as far as New Zealand while I was in hospital (several times) just to be sure I was okay. Now that is nothing short of amazing! There was one time she even cancelled her day's plans just to take me to hospital and she sat there with me the whole day as well.
She brings out the best in me, encourages me to become all that God has destined for me and as I've made mention, is there for me even during the hardest of times. She's also got the patience to get to the bottom of the barrel and find out the deepest part of an issue. Where some people will just take something at face-value, she will discuss it until it's resolved. Now that just shows the heart of the woman right there!
She's got the most amazing sense of humour and is one of those people who can even make me smile when everything inside of me just wants to cry or scream. I've had the honour of watching her go through some huge personal growth over the past three years as well as she's matured into an amazing, beautiful woman with a seriously great singing voice. Seriously, if you haven't heard it, do yourself a favour and buy her music when she makes an album someday, in the hopefully not too distant future. You know it will be the business, quite literally! It's also been great more recently being able to serve alongside her in youth leadership at Metro Church. If you had asked me a year ago if that would happen, I would have questioned what drug you were on. Not because she doesn't have the heart, but because I thought with her lifestyle (one of those people who just doesn't stop until life forces her to) I figured she'd be too busy to give up her Friday nights for that. However, she's been doing it and has given a really solid effort as well from all reports. I'm a bit disappointed I missed her final night at youth last week with my wrist but from all reports, it was fantastic.
There is nothing I can't talk about with her from the most immature stuff on the internet to deep personal and world issues. I know that being in England is going to be tough for the closeness of our friendship and things will change with us a bit, such as the amount of communication. However, I am totally certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that what she is doing is definitely following the calling of God upon her life for greatness and I wouldn't want anything less for her. She deserves God's best and she's chasing it with all her strength, so I say go, give it your all and share your amazingness with the rest of the world. As much as I'd love to keep her in Perth, this city is simply too small for someone with such a big heart and musical talent as Kathy's. She needs to go, spread her wings and fly into everything God has for her. But for goodness sake, I hope she does come back someday, at least for a holiday, because she's one person who I really would risk life and limb to get on a plane and fly halfway round the world just to find.
In closing, I promise that even from Oxford, England, Kathy will be the first to know when I'm in hospital, about any girl issues I'm facing or about how I'm dominating life. I will miss you and I love you more than I can find the words to state right now. Go with God, keep him first in all that you do and be all that you're called to be in this life and don't settle for second-best! :)
Love,
Perry.
Saturday, 10 August 2013
Vacant Position
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Today I would like to advertise for a position in my life: decent female friend. As it currently stands, apparently I have four, but I'm not convinced. One is very inconsistent, two have boyfriends and therefore don't speak to me much, the other is about to leave Australia. Therefore I'm feeling a bit lost right now and would like to advertise for a decent female friend. She must have the following:
1. Love Jesus.
2. Live in and not have any desire to leave Perth.
3. Be honest.
4. Give consistent communication.
5. Don't be ignorant when you get a boyfriend.
6. Decent hugs.
By the way, this isn't even slightly a joke.
Today I would like to advertise for a position in my life: decent female friend. As it currently stands, apparently I have four, but I'm not convinced. One is very inconsistent, two have boyfriends and therefore don't speak to me much, the other is about to leave Australia. Therefore I'm feeling a bit lost right now and would like to advertise for a decent female friend. She must have the following:
1. Love Jesus.
2. Live in and not have any desire to leave Perth.
3. Be honest.
4. Give consistent communication.
5. Don't be ignorant when you get a boyfriend.
6. Decent hugs.
By the way, this isn't even slightly a joke.
Saturday, 3 August 2013
You always have more to give
Sunday, August 4, 2013
I was originally going to write a blog dedicated to the awesome definition of selflessness that is my mother, Kylie Cunningham, considering it's her birthday tomorrow, but I have a more pressing issue that needs to be talked about today. She's not the kind of person to be upset about something like that anyway, so I will just say happy birthday mum, hope you enjoy your day tomorrow! :)
At the moment, I'm listening to a song by Relient K called "Give." It's about giving until there is absolutely nothing left, to the point where you are so dry that you think you're going to pass out and die, physically and emotionally. And lately, that's how I've been feeling. I've felt a bit sucked dry, to the point where on Wednesday I was feeling unwell due to stress (not going into detail) and usually when I get like that, I don't sleep or eat much, which doesn't help the situation at all. Also, I don't really reach out to many people anymore because my ability to trust people at the moment is almost non-existant. Seriously, I can count those people who I can wholeheartedly trust on one hand.
We have had a rather rough family situation come up and it all came to a head on Wednesday. It just proved that even those who you think will never make you cry, can. I guess it just shows that the closer some people are in your life, greater is their ability to hurt you, even though you trust them not to. Since then, I've brushed it off and I can honestly say I am okay, but I'm still struggling to get around the ability to trust others at the moment. Is it an issue? I don't believe it is. I believe it's an issue when you don't have those personal boundaries and you give your emotional issues to every person willing to listen long enough. I used to be like that because I longed so much for a decent, caring friend in my life because simply put, I had no friends at all, let alone real decent ones. Now, God has spoiled me for choice and I have a few decent friends who I can go to about anything. Depending on the situation will depend on who I go to with the particular issue I am dealing with.
What do you do when you get so tired that you don't want to get out of bed for three days? I did that earlier this week (Wednesday to Friday). It wasn't just something I wrote on Facebook, but something I really did. I was that tired physically, emotionally and spiritually that I needed to just lie down and sleep and turn my phone on silent. Thankfully, a couple of amazing people got hold of me (Amy, Hannah and Sarah) and gave me some godly wisdom into things. Also, during those couple of days it gave me a good opportunity to have some seriously good Jesus time, so that happened as well. I had a punctured tyre on Tuesday which forced me to stay in bed for a couple of days anyway. I think of it as God using that situation to force me to stop and rest and I am glad he did because I'm better off for it. The fact is that if God has brought you through something before, he ultimately promised he WILL do it again! Maybe not today, maybe not even tomorrow, but in due course, the seasons will change because that is all they are - seasons.
Seasons are a part of nature and if they didn't happen, things wouldn't grow anywhere near as strong as they do. Trees would not be green, flowers wouldn't bloom, grass wouldn't grow, animals would die out and the world wouldn't look anywhere near as lovely as it does in the aftermath of storms. Sure, we don't exactly enjoy storms while we are enduring them, but I am certain in the aftermath of the situation, we look back, smile and thank God we came through because we can see the positive difference it made to our character.
There is nothing wrong with lying down and sleeping for a couple of days, even turning your phone on silent and only answering to those most important in your life, as long as eventually you do get up and fight again. I came to a point yesterday where I found myself getting moody and so I noticed it was a beautiful day as far as weather was concerned, so I waited until after the Eagles game had started (because getting caught up in that crowd would just make my mood worse), I grabbed some coffee, put my iPod on my chilled playlist, sat under a tree and took a nap in the sun for a short while. It was good and refreshing to do that and I felt a whole lot better after that.
Find whatever it is that helps you relax physically and emotionally and do that. Even if you don't think you have time, you don't have time not to do it. It is not worth your mental, emotional, spiritual or physical health to live with heaps of junk like that. Jesus has promised he is faithful to see us through to the end, which means he is right there holding us during stormy seasons. That is not to say he will drag us out when we start complaining because he knows in the end, it's for our own good that we learn to persevere through this because usually he is trying to teach us something.
Remember, giving up is not an option! :)
I was originally going to write a blog dedicated to the awesome definition of selflessness that is my mother, Kylie Cunningham, considering it's her birthday tomorrow, but I have a more pressing issue that needs to be talked about today. She's not the kind of person to be upset about something like that anyway, so I will just say happy birthday mum, hope you enjoy your day tomorrow! :)
At the moment, I'm listening to a song by Relient K called "Give." It's about giving until there is absolutely nothing left, to the point where you are so dry that you think you're going to pass out and die, physically and emotionally. And lately, that's how I've been feeling. I've felt a bit sucked dry, to the point where on Wednesday I was feeling unwell due to stress (not going into detail) and usually when I get like that, I don't sleep or eat much, which doesn't help the situation at all. Also, I don't really reach out to many people anymore because my ability to trust people at the moment is almost non-existant. Seriously, I can count those people who I can wholeheartedly trust on one hand.
We have had a rather rough family situation come up and it all came to a head on Wednesday. It just proved that even those who you think will never make you cry, can. I guess it just shows that the closer some people are in your life, greater is their ability to hurt you, even though you trust them not to. Since then, I've brushed it off and I can honestly say I am okay, but I'm still struggling to get around the ability to trust others at the moment. Is it an issue? I don't believe it is. I believe it's an issue when you don't have those personal boundaries and you give your emotional issues to every person willing to listen long enough. I used to be like that because I longed so much for a decent, caring friend in my life because simply put, I had no friends at all, let alone real decent ones. Now, God has spoiled me for choice and I have a few decent friends who I can go to about anything. Depending on the situation will depend on who I go to with the particular issue I am dealing with.
What do you do when you get so tired that you don't want to get out of bed for three days? I did that earlier this week (Wednesday to Friday). It wasn't just something I wrote on Facebook, but something I really did. I was that tired physically, emotionally and spiritually that I needed to just lie down and sleep and turn my phone on silent. Thankfully, a couple of amazing people got hold of me (Amy, Hannah and Sarah) and gave me some godly wisdom into things. Also, during those couple of days it gave me a good opportunity to have some seriously good Jesus time, so that happened as well. I had a punctured tyre on Tuesday which forced me to stay in bed for a couple of days anyway. I think of it as God using that situation to force me to stop and rest and I am glad he did because I'm better off for it. The fact is that if God has brought you through something before, he ultimately promised he WILL do it again! Maybe not today, maybe not even tomorrow, but in due course, the seasons will change because that is all they are - seasons.
Seasons are a part of nature and if they didn't happen, things wouldn't grow anywhere near as strong as they do. Trees would not be green, flowers wouldn't bloom, grass wouldn't grow, animals would die out and the world wouldn't look anywhere near as lovely as it does in the aftermath of storms. Sure, we don't exactly enjoy storms while we are enduring them, but I am certain in the aftermath of the situation, we look back, smile and thank God we came through because we can see the positive difference it made to our character.
There is nothing wrong with lying down and sleeping for a couple of days, even turning your phone on silent and only answering to those most important in your life, as long as eventually you do get up and fight again. I came to a point yesterday where I found myself getting moody and so I noticed it was a beautiful day as far as weather was concerned, so I waited until after the Eagles game had started (because getting caught up in that crowd would just make my mood worse), I grabbed some coffee, put my iPod on my chilled playlist, sat under a tree and took a nap in the sun for a short while. It was good and refreshing to do that and I felt a whole lot better after that.
Find whatever it is that helps you relax physically and emotionally and do that. Even if you don't think you have time, you don't have time not to do it. It is not worth your mental, emotional, spiritual or physical health to live with heaps of junk like that. Jesus has promised he is faithful to see us through to the end, which means he is right there holding us during stormy seasons. That is not to say he will drag us out when we start complaining because he knows in the end, it's for our own good that we learn to persevere through this because usually he is trying to teach us something.
Remember, giving up is not an option! :)
Sunday, 28 July 2013
And I'm back in the game!
Monday, July 29, 2013
It is 1:08 am as I write this while sipping on a honey and lemon tea, listening to Linkin Park and eating chocolate ice cream and sticky date pudding, baked by yours truly. I went to church this evening for the first time in about a month as my body has been struggling with fatigue and just lack of energy since getting home and I've taken a rather cautious approach to getting back into the swing of things. To a point, I am regretting that a bit as it's meant I've missed out spiritually and emotionally for the sake of my physical health.
That is the entire reason I went to church tonight. I'm still feeling a bit sluggish as I'm recovering from a throat infection, and I probably should have taken another night off, especially considering I've got university tomorrow afternoon. However, I decided I needed to go to church because I've been feeling rather moody the last couple of days. It was a good decision and I don't regret it at all. Tonight Geoff spoke on being offended and how we can take that and either use it as motivation to grow and mature, or we can take it and let it grow into something destructive such as deep bitterness. In the words of Linkin Park and Jay-Z, "Get that dirt off your shoulder."
It's always good going to church, especially when I haven't been able to go much because as I said to my best friend earlier tonight, getting the cd's from Kurt was great while in hospital, but it's just not the same as being there with those that love me, hearing the message and being in God's presence at that moment. That's why I do make an effort to try and be there as often as possible, even sometimes at the expense of my own health the next day. Hopefully this won't be the case tomorrow, which brings me to the reason for the title tonight.
After one year out with serious health issues, a bone infection which could have potentially killed me, and being told I will never be healthy enough to go back, I am going to university tomorrow for another semester. I'm not going back thinking that I am some kind of superhero and doing it full-time, but only doing two subjects. Still, I must be honest right here and admit the last few nights I've not slept much as I've been overthinking things a bit. Do I have what it takes? Physically, emotionally, mentally? In short, I am not so sure. However, while I'm not super confident in my abilities right now, especially because I'm still rather tired physically and emotionally, I am confident in Jesus giving me his abilities. I can also rest completely assured in the fact that I know it was God that has called me to this place and he won't call me into something without giving me the ability to achieve what he has destined for me to do. Therefore I will go and give it my absolute best, knowing that God is my strength, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. It's going to take hard work, discipline and I'm sure there will be times this semester where I really wish I wasn't doing it, but I know I'm called into youth work, so I won't give up and I will see it through to the end. Also, it's a huge blessing for me to be there at all, especially considering I was told at eight years old that I'd never amount to anything, that I'd be lucky to pass primary school. Therefore I'm seriously completely humbled to have the opportunity by God's grace that I'm even at university, so I think I owe it to him to do my best with the gift of an education he's giving me here.
Well, I guess I'd better attempt this thing they call sleep as tomorrow is a huge day for me. Remember, giving up is not an option! :)
It is 1:08 am as I write this while sipping on a honey and lemon tea, listening to Linkin Park and eating chocolate ice cream and sticky date pudding, baked by yours truly. I went to church this evening for the first time in about a month as my body has been struggling with fatigue and just lack of energy since getting home and I've taken a rather cautious approach to getting back into the swing of things. To a point, I am regretting that a bit as it's meant I've missed out spiritually and emotionally for the sake of my physical health.
That is the entire reason I went to church tonight. I'm still feeling a bit sluggish as I'm recovering from a throat infection, and I probably should have taken another night off, especially considering I've got university tomorrow afternoon. However, I decided I needed to go to church because I've been feeling rather moody the last couple of days. It was a good decision and I don't regret it at all. Tonight Geoff spoke on being offended and how we can take that and either use it as motivation to grow and mature, or we can take it and let it grow into something destructive such as deep bitterness. In the words of Linkin Park and Jay-Z, "Get that dirt off your shoulder."
It's always good going to church, especially when I haven't been able to go much because as I said to my best friend earlier tonight, getting the cd's from Kurt was great while in hospital, but it's just not the same as being there with those that love me, hearing the message and being in God's presence at that moment. That's why I do make an effort to try and be there as often as possible, even sometimes at the expense of my own health the next day. Hopefully this won't be the case tomorrow, which brings me to the reason for the title tonight.
After one year out with serious health issues, a bone infection which could have potentially killed me, and being told I will never be healthy enough to go back, I am going to university tomorrow for another semester. I'm not going back thinking that I am some kind of superhero and doing it full-time, but only doing two subjects. Still, I must be honest right here and admit the last few nights I've not slept much as I've been overthinking things a bit. Do I have what it takes? Physically, emotionally, mentally? In short, I am not so sure. However, while I'm not super confident in my abilities right now, especially because I'm still rather tired physically and emotionally, I am confident in Jesus giving me his abilities. I can also rest completely assured in the fact that I know it was God that has called me to this place and he won't call me into something without giving me the ability to achieve what he has destined for me to do. Therefore I will go and give it my absolute best, knowing that God is my strength, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. It's going to take hard work, discipline and I'm sure there will be times this semester where I really wish I wasn't doing it, but I know I'm called into youth work, so I won't give up and I will see it through to the end. Also, it's a huge blessing for me to be there at all, especially considering I was told at eight years old that I'd never amount to anything, that I'd be lucky to pass primary school. Therefore I'm seriously completely humbled to have the opportunity by God's grace that I'm even at university, so I think I owe it to him to do my best with the gift of an education he's giving me here.
Well, I guess I'd better attempt this thing they call sleep as tomorrow is a huge day for me. Remember, giving up is not an option! :)
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