Monday, July 29, 2013
It is 1:08 am as I write this while sipping on a honey and lemon tea, listening to Linkin Park and eating chocolate ice cream and sticky date pudding, baked by yours truly. I went to church this evening for the first time in about a month as my body has been struggling with fatigue and just lack of energy since getting home and I've taken a rather cautious approach to getting back into the swing of things. To a point, I am regretting that a bit as it's meant I've missed out spiritually and emotionally for the sake of my physical health.
That is the entire reason I went to church tonight. I'm still feeling a bit sluggish as I'm recovering from a throat infection, and I probably should have taken another night off, especially considering I've got university tomorrow afternoon. However, I decided I needed to go to church because I've been feeling rather moody the last couple of days. It was a good decision and I don't regret it at all. Tonight Geoff spoke on being offended and how we can take that and either use it as motivation to grow and mature, or we can take it and let it grow into something destructive such as deep bitterness. In the words of Linkin Park and Jay-Z, "Get that dirt off your shoulder."
It's always good going to church, especially when I haven't been able to go much because as I said to my best friend earlier tonight, getting the cd's from Kurt was great while in hospital, but it's just not the same as being there with those that love me, hearing the message and being in God's presence at that moment. That's why I do make an effort to try and be there as often as possible, even sometimes at the expense of my own health the next day. Hopefully this won't be the case tomorrow, which brings me to the reason for the title tonight.
After one year out with serious health issues, a bone infection which could have potentially killed me, and being told I will never be healthy enough to go back, I am going to university tomorrow for another semester. I'm not going back thinking that I am some kind of superhero and doing it full-time, but only doing two subjects. Still, I must be honest right here and admit the last few nights I've not slept much as I've been overthinking things a bit. Do I have what it takes? Physically, emotionally, mentally? In short, I am not so sure. However, while I'm not super confident in my abilities right now, especially because I'm still rather tired physically and emotionally, I am confident in Jesus giving me his abilities. I can also rest completely assured in the fact that I know it was God that has called me to this place and he won't call me into something without giving me the ability to achieve what he has destined for me to do. Therefore I will go and give it my absolute best, knowing that God is my strength, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. It's going to take hard work, discipline and I'm sure there will be times this semester where I really wish I wasn't doing it, but I know I'm called into youth work, so I won't give up and I will see it through to the end. Also, it's a huge blessing for me to be there at all, especially considering I was told at eight years old that I'd never amount to anything, that I'd be lucky to pass primary school. Therefore I'm seriously completely humbled to have the opportunity by God's grace that I'm even at university, so I think I owe it to him to do my best with the gift of an education he's giving me here.
Well, I guess I'd better attempt this thing they call sleep as tomorrow is a huge day for me. Remember, giving up is not an option! :)
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