Sunday, August 4, 2013
I was originally going to write a blog dedicated to the awesome definition of selflessness that is my mother, Kylie Cunningham, considering it's her birthday tomorrow, but I have a more pressing issue that needs to be talked about today. She's not the kind of person to be upset about something like that anyway, so I will just say happy birthday mum, hope you enjoy your day tomorrow! :)
At the moment, I'm listening to a song by Relient K called "Give." It's about giving until there is absolutely nothing left, to the point where you are so dry that you think you're going to pass out and die, physically and emotionally. And lately, that's how I've been feeling. I've felt a bit sucked dry, to the point where on Wednesday I was feeling unwell due to stress (not going into detail) and usually when I get like that, I don't sleep or eat much, which doesn't help the situation at all. Also, I don't really reach out to many people anymore because my ability to trust people at the moment is almost non-existant. Seriously, I can count those people who I can wholeheartedly trust on one hand.
We have had a rather rough family situation come up and it all came to a head on Wednesday. It just proved that even those who you think will never make you cry, can. I guess it just shows that the closer some people are in your life, greater is their ability to hurt you, even though you trust them not to. Since then, I've brushed it off and I can honestly say I am okay, but I'm still struggling to get around the ability to trust others at the moment. Is it an issue? I don't believe it is. I believe it's an issue when you don't have those personal boundaries and you give your emotional issues to every person willing to listen long enough. I used to be like that because I longed so much for a decent, caring friend in my life because simply put, I had no friends at all, let alone real decent ones. Now, God has spoiled me for choice and I have a few decent friends who I can go to about anything. Depending on the situation will depend on who I go to with the particular issue I am dealing with.
What do you do when you get so tired that you don't want to get out of bed for three days? I did that earlier this week (Wednesday to Friday). It wasn't just something I wrote on Facebook, but something I really did. I was that tired physically, emotionally and spiritually that I needed to just lie down and sleep and turn my phone on silent. Thankfully, a couple of amazing people got hold of me (Amy, Hannah and Sarah) and gave me some godly wisdom into things. Also, during those couple of days it gave me a good opportunity to have some seriously good Jesus time, so that happened as well. I had a punctured tyre on Tuesday which forced me to stay in bed for a couple of days anyway. I think of it as God using that situation to force me to stop and rest and I am glad he did because I'm better off for it. The fact is that if God has brought you through something before, he ultimately promised he WILL do it again! Maybe not today, maybe not even tomorrow, but in due course, the seasons will change because that is all they are - seasons.
Seasons are a part of nature and if they didn't happen, things wouldn't grow anywhere near as strong as they do. Trees would not be green, flowers wouldn't bloom, grass wouldn't grow, animals would die out and the world wouldn't look anywhere near as lovely as it does in the aftermath of storms. Sure, we don't exactly enjoy storms while we are enduring them, but I am certain in the aftermath of the situation, we look back, smile and thank God we came through because we can see the positive difference it made to our character.
There is nothing wrong with lying down and sleeping for a couple of days, even turning your phone on silent and only answering to those most important in your life, as long as eventually you do get up and fight again. I came to a point yesterday where I found myself getting moody and so I noticed it was a beautiful day as far as weather was concerned, so I waited until after the Eagles game had started (because getting caught up in that crowd would just make my mood worse), I grabbed some coffee, put my iPod on my chilled playlist, sat under a tree and took a nap in the sun for a short while. It was good and refreshing to do that and I felt a whole lot better after that.
Find whatever it is that helps you relax physically and emotionally and do that. Even if you don't think you have time, you don't have time not to do it. It is not worth your mental, emotional, spiritual or physical health to live with heaps of junk like that. Jesus has promised he is faithful to see us through to the end, which means he is right there holding us during stormy seasons. That is not to say he will drag us out when we start complaining because he knows in the end, it's for our own good that we learn to persevere through this because usually he is trying to teach us something.
Remember, giving up is not an option! :)
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