Thursday, September 19, 2013
Disclaimer: Welcome to the disclaimer! Aside from the title, this blog has nothing to do with the band Blink 182. I just thought it was a good title for what I want to talk about tonight.
Lately I've been really restless, like, to the point where the smallest things have been making me a lot more upset than normal. That's not like me, not at all. Far too many people, some strangers and some friends, have been asking me if I'm okay lately. Truth be told, I'm not okay, but I will be. I know the one who holds me knows what he is doing. Also, as I was on Skype with my best friend earlier (praise the good Lord for that invention, seriously!), she told me that I've been tired for ages and as I reflect on that statement, she's right.
And not just physically tired either but emotionally tired. Tired to the point where I've needed a really good reason to have to leave the house and even then, I've been trying to find a good excuse to stay inside. Sure, I've had some people be totally harsh to me lately which has rocked me a bit emotionally (if you didn't know, I got punched in the face last week), but I really do need to get over the fear, suck it up and sometimes, just go out and get some things done. As one of my best friends, Sarah, told me last week, I can't live my life in fear and can't settle for second-best because God wants me to live an abundant life and living locked in my room is not an abundant life whatsoever. The weather hasn't exactly been helping me as it's been raining pretty much non-stop for about two weeks now. Sure, I get we need the rain, but it does make getting out of the house very difficult.
Small things like the way people look at me, speak to me have been annoying me a lot lately. People giving me a half-hearted hug when I know they normally give decent ones, giving one-word replies to text messages etc. Things like that don't normally bother me much which has shown me that maybe I just need some Jesus time and rest. Well, this week I've been watching a lot of funny stuff, spending time with Jesus and other great friends and just thinking that I am right in the middle of a season of change. Not because of anything necessarily bad, but just because that's life sometimes.
On the flip side, small things make me smile. When someone sends me a randomly encouraging message, a hug from my barista, uses terms of endearment toward me in a genuine manner, smiles at me for no real reason, Mum makes me a coffee and a sandwich today for lunch, or my best friend is practically fist-pumping because I bought Lord Of The Rings trilogy on dvd (long story, seriously). I can't remember who said it but someone once said to count the little things because when you look back on your life, you'll realize those were the big things.
God's requiring me to grow and I'm dealing with some growing pains. It hurts but I am starting to see some positive changes. It's hard to exactly put down in a blog what those changes are, but I know God is the one behind all of this. One thing that's happened is I had an interview about my hospital experiences printed in the church magazine. People I know well and don't know well have been saying they're blessed by it and have thanked me for sharing it with them. It blows me away that even when we are tired and dealing with all that, God can still use you to bless others. I think that's a good sign I'm right in the middle of where God wants me, even if it's not exactly comfortable. I haven't blogged in about two and a half weeks because a lot of what I've dealt with lately I haven't felt comfortable sharing publicly, but I would like to say I have been journaling a lot more than I was before. It's been great getting back into that as well, just sitting there with pen and paper, music and coffee. Can't wait for the sun to come back out so I can do more of that!
Seriously friends, get out of your comfort zone and let God take you on a wild ride. It will be scary, but if it is God driving, you'll be totally safe in his hands.
Let God have his job back and just chill. That doesn't mean we do nothing, but it does mean that God will fight your battles. We do what we can do and God does the rest.
"The Lord will fight for you and you shall hold your peace." - Exodus 14:14.
Thursday, 19 September 2013
Sunday, 1 September 2013
I refuse to be miserable
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Let's get the official business out of the way first. A pinch and a punch for the first of the month and no returns of any kinds. Yeah, I'm real mature!
Anyway, today I had one of those moments where even I had to stop and think to myself, "Did that wisdom really just come out of my own mouth?" Yes, yes it did. I even had to write it down and will surely be telling it to myself for years to come and tonight, I want to share this rare moment with all of you.
I was in the city today picking up my phone because on Friday night, I dropped it and some nice and honest man named Bob picked it up and arranged for me to get it back today. I could write a whole blog on the importance of honesty, but I shall save that idea for another time. Anyway, just after Bob returned my phone to me, I was early to meet my friend Brian and so I was just sitting there people-watching and one person asked why was I smiling, that something significantly awesome must have happened. I said that no, nothing has really happened to make me smile and that I am actually dealing with a lot of stuff right now, but that I refuse to be miserable today and am making a deliberate choice to smile. It is a very hard thing to do and I admit I don't succeed at doing that anywhere near as much as I would like, especially lately, but it is such a liberating thing to do. It takes a lot of strength to smile when everything inside of you just wants to cry, but you will feel so much better for it.
Today is Father's Day in Australia and for those that don't know, I've grown up without my father around for a whole bunch of reasons. It did impact me a lot as a young boy and even into adulthood. However, over the last few years, God has healed that part of me. He has blessed me with several men who love Jesus, are wise, strong and encouraging men and I can honestly say they're like fathers to me. God has even made me a youth leader where I can help teenage boys deal with the same issues I went through, particularly in the area of a lack of a father. Now that just blows my mind when I think about that. This is just one reason why it's significant to me personally that I was choosing to smile today. Anyone who knows me well would probably forgive me for staying in my room and being miserable today, but I refused. I reached out to a friend and my day was great.
So, as hard as it is, make a deliberate choice to refuse to be miserable this week. Yes, life may punch us in the face and even make us question a bunch of things at times and there is nothing wrong with that, but don't stay down. Get back up, dust yourself off, keep going and smile because Jesus loves you.
Let's get the official business out of the way first. A pinch and a punch for the first of the month and no returns of any kinds. Yeah, I'm real mature!
Anyway, today I had one of those moments where even I had to stop and think to myself, "Did that wisdom really just come out of my own mouth?" Yes, yes it did. I even had to write it down and will surely be telling it to myself for years to come and tonight, I want to share this rare moment with all of you.
I was in the city today picking up my phone because on Friday night, I dropped it and some nice and honest man named Bob picked it up and arranged for me to get it back today. I could write a whole blog on the importance of honesty, but I shall save that idea for another time. Anyway, just after Bob returned my phone to me, I was early to meet my friend Brian and so I was just sitting there people-watching and one person asked why was I smiling, that something significantly awesome must have happened. I said that no, nothing has really happened to make me smile and that I am actually dealing with a lot of stuff right now, but that I refuse to be miserable today and am making a deliberate choice to smile. It is a very hard thing to do and I admit I don't succeed at doing that anywhere near as much as I would like, especially lately, but it is such a liberating thing to do. It takes a lot of strength to smile when everything inside of you just wants to cry, but you will feel so much better for it.
Today is Father's Day in Australia and for those that don't know, I've grown up without my father around for a whole bunch of reasons. It did impact me a lot as a young boy and even into adulthood. However, over the last few years, God has healed that part of me. He has blessed me with several men who love Jesus, are wise, strong and encouraging men and I can honestly say they're like fathers to me. God has even made me a youth leader where I can help teenage boys deal with the same issues I went through, particularly in the area of a lack of a father. Now that just blows my mind when I think about that. This is just one reason why it's significant to me personally that I was choosing to smile today. Anyone who knows me well would probably forgive me for staying in my room and being miserable today, but I refused. I reached out to a friend and my day was great.
So, as hard as it is, make a deliberate choice to refuse to be miserable this week. Yes, life may punch us in the face and even make us question a bunch of things at times and there is nothing wrong with that, but don't stay down. Get back up, dust yourself off, keep going and smile because Jesus loves you.
Saturday, 24 August 2013
I'm done playing chasey
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Today, I was supposed to have lined up in Perth for the 2013 City To Surf. I had signed up for the half-marathon and was looking forward to it, raising money for Cystic Fibrosis WA. However, a couple of weeks ago, a woman wasn't looking where she was going and walked into me, causing a wrist and forearm injury that is still rather painful. Therefore I was unable to take my place today and I'm feeling rather disappointed about that. Although, having said that, it's not too bad because the weather isn't great today and having only got out of a very serious hospital admission two months ago, I'm still exhausted from that.
Well, that's not the point of today's blog, but I thought I'd make mention of that today. The point of today's blog is about the childhood game, chasey. Most of us around my age who grew up in the 1990's will remember the game well. It's played with a group of people and one person would be "it" and they would have to run around and chase other people, tag them and then that person would be it. Well, I hated that game because whenever I was "it", all the other kids would do is go up stairs and the game would be boring because nothing else would happen. It makes it a very boring, one-way game and nobody would have fun. Eventually, I would learn that it was no fun for me and I would stop playing.
Lately my life feels like I've started playing chasey again, particularly with some friendships. Yes, I understand that we will have those people in our lives who are totally selfish and don't give us anything and that's just the way it goes. However, I feel it's happening a lot to me lately, that people are not giving me back much at all and that I'm exhausting myself trying to care for others. Well, I can't do it anymore. I need two-way relationships in my life. If you want to be a part of my life, make an effort, seriously. I get that sometimes people retreat from others and that when people start struggling it can become draining on other people, but what I don't get is when people start blatantly ignoring me, yet they claim they love me in the same sentence. Too many people are doing that with me lately and I'm not liking it one bit. If you love someone, you wouldn't ignore them. It's really that simple, folks.
I think at the moment I am going through another learning experience with life and I just need to figure out who my real friends are all over again. It's another season of change and I'm just not dealing with it as well as I normally do. I think it's because it feels like it's all happening at once and when I'm this tired at the start, I was never going to be able to deal with all this well. I'm deliberately not going into detail here with all that I'm dealing with because it's just too personal.
Lastly, before I finish, I need to make it public information that I'm done with overly sensitive types. I never was a fan of people like that anyway. You know, those people who, when you say something that has absolutely nothing to do with them as a person, yet they take it out of context and then have the audacity to get upset and abuse you for it and then in the end, you feel like the jerk. Well, I'm not dealing with them anymore simply because they are far too high maintenance in my life and I don't have the strength right now.
Well, that's me done for today and now I'm off to crawl back into bed, away from all the draining humans.
Today, I was supposed to have lined up in Perth for the 2013 City To Surf. I had signed up for the half-marathon and was looking forward to it, raising money for Cystic Fibrosis WA. However, a couple of weeks ago, a woman wasn't looking where she was going and walked into me, causing a wrist and forearm injury that is still rather painful. Therefore I was unable to take my place today and I'm feeling rather disappointed about that. Although, having said that, it's not too bad because the weather isn't great today and having only got out of a very serious hospital admission two months ago, I'm still exhausted from that.
Well, that's not the point of today's blog, but I thought I'd make mention of that today. The point of today's blog is about the childhood game, chasey. Most of us around my age who grew up in the 1990's will remember the game well. It's played with a group of people and one person would be "it" and they would have to run around and chase other people, tag them and then that person would be it. Well, I hated that game because whenever I was "it", all the other kids would do is go up stairs and the game would be boring because nothing else would happen. It makes it a very boring, one-way game and nobody would have fun. Eventually, I would learn that it was no fun for me and I would stop playing.
Lately my life feels like I've started playing chasey again, particularly with some friendships. Yes, I understand that we will have those people in our lives who are totally selfish and don't give us anything and that's just the way it goes. However, I feel it's happening a lot to me lately, that people are not giving me back much at all and that I'm exhausting myself trying to care for others. Well, I can't do it anymore. I need two-way relationships in my life. If you want to be a part of my life, make an effort, seriously. I get that sometimes people retreat from others and that when people start struggling it can become draining on other people, but what I don't get is when people start blatantly ignoring me, yet they claim they love me in the same sentence. Too many people are doing that with me lately and I'm not liking it one bit. If you love someone, you wouldn't ignore them. It's really that simple, folks.
I think at the moment I am going through another learning experience with life and I just need to figure out who my real friends are all over again. It's another season of change and I'm just not dealing with it as well as I normally do. I think it's because it feels like it's all happening at once and when I'm this tired at the start, I was never going to be able to deal with all this well. I'm deliberately not going into detail here with all that I'm dealing with because it's just too personal.
Lastly, before I finish, I need to make it public information that I'm done with overly sensitive types. I never was a fan of people like that anyway. You know, those people who, when you say something that has absolutely nothing to do with them as a person, yet they take it out of context and then have the audacity to get upset and abuse you for it and then in the end, you feel like the jerk. Well, I'm not dealing with them anymore simply because they are far too high maintenance in my life and I don't have the strength right now.
Well, that's me done for today and now I'm off to crawl back into bed, away from all the draining humans.
Friday, 16 August 2013
You'll Always Be My Best Friend
Friday, August 16, 2013
Tonight I would like to acknowledge firstly that I don't normally blog on Friday nights because I'm normally at youth. However, due to a wrist/forearm injury that happened last week, I can't be there. Also, it is making things like writing a bit painful, so this one has been a bit slow in progress (not that you'd notice because you're not watching me type this).
Anywho, I need to get on with the point to this particular blog. In four days, on Tuesday August 20th, my best friend of the last three years, Kathleen Ann Walton-Roy, leaves Perth for England. She may or may not tell me off for using her full name here, but either way she loves me and I know she'll get past it. That's a risk I'm willing to take. I'd like to use this blog as a public notice of her greatness and let you all know why I consider her to be my best friend.
We met in June of 2010 in a young adult small group meeting in a friend's apartment in Perth. I can't remember what I said but I must have said something good that night because as soon as the night formally ended, she came up to me, gave me a rather tight hug and said, "I NEED to have a coffee with you sometime soon, please!" Well, the smart thing to do in that situation is say yes. We exchanged phone numbers and so began our friendship. Now, I'm not going to go over every detail of what's happened between then and now because some of it is too personal and some of it will just bore you, so I'll just stick to what I think are the most important details for you.
Over the next few months, we got to know each other rather quickly. Then, life would give me the biggest punch I thought I could ever deal with. On November 10, 2010 at 8:28 am, I got a phone call stating that one of the most inspirational people I've ever known and the one person I could relate to on a medical level, Zoe Johnston, had passed away from the effects of cystic fibrosis. It absolutely smashed me physically, mentally, emotionally and even spiritually. Seriously, I even questioned my faith in God in the aftermath of that. However, one thing that was constant during that time was my friendship with Kathy. She was consistently there with phone calls, messages of encouragement, hugs, prayers and all those great things one needs when one loses someone significant like that.
Like any close friendship that's been around for a while, we have had our share of disagreements. Again, I'm not going into detail, but just proving that our friendship isn't out of a Hollywood movie, and that it's not perfect. However, at the end of the day, the fact is the positives have FAR outweighed the negatives and when you can look at someone and despite having seen their worst, still remember exactly why you love them, you need to hang on to that person because you've got them for life. Seriously, I just can't let her go. Oh, how I have tried in the past, but I just can't. God just will not let me!
There is a theory that some people are in your life for a reason, some for a season and a few for a lifetime. I believe I've found a lifetime friend in Kathy. She's one of the more selfless people on the planet that I know, will stop to help a stranger and she even contacted me from as far as New Zealand while I was in hospital (several times) just to be sure I was okay. Now that is nothing short of amazing! There was one time she even cancelled her day's plans just to take me to hospital and she sat there with me the whole day as well.
She brings out the best in me, encourages me to become all that God has destined for me and as I've made mention, is there for me even during the hardest of times. She's also got the patience to get to the bottom of the barrel and find out the deepest part of an issue. Where some people will just take something at face-value, she will discuss it until it's resolved. Now that just shows the heart of the woman right there!
She's got the most amazing sense of humour and is one of those people who can even make me smile when everything inside of me just wants to cry or scream. I've had the honour of watching her go through some huge personal growth over the past three years as well as she's matured into an amazing, beautiful woman with a seriously great singing voice. Seriously, if you haven't heard it, do yourself a favour and buy her music when she makes an album someday, in the hopefully not too distant future. You know it will be the business, quite literally! It's also been great more recently being able to serve alongside her in youth leadership at Metro Church. If you had asked me a year ago if that would happen, I would have questioned what drug you were on. Not because she doesn't have the heart, but because I thought with her lifestyle (one of those people who just doesn't stop until life forces her to) I figured she'd be too busy to give up her Friday nights for that. However, she's been doing it and has given a really solid effort as well from all reports. I'm a bit disappointed I missed her final night at youth last week with my wrist but from all reports, it was fantastic.
There is nothing I can't talk about with her from the most immature stuff on the internet to deep personal and world issues. I know that being in England is going to be tough for the closeness of our friendship and things will change with us a bit, such as the amount of communication. However, I am totally certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that what she is doing is definitely following the calling of God upon her life for greatness and I wouldn't want anything less for her. She deserves God's best and she's chasing it with all her strength, so I say go, give it your all and share your amazingness with the rest of the world. As much as I'd love to keep her in Perth, this city is simply too small for someone with such a big heart and musical talent as Kathy's. She needs to go, spread her wings and fly into everything God has for her. But for goodness sake, I hope she does come back someday, at least for a holiday, because she's one person who I really would risk life and limb to get on a plane and fly halfway round the world just to find.
In closing, I promise that even from Oxford, England, Kathy will be the first to know when I'm in hospital, about any girl issues I'm facing or about how I'm dominating life. I will miss you and I love you more than I can find the words to state right now. Go with God, keep him first in all that you do and be all that you're called to be in this life and don't settle for second-best! :)
Love,
Perry.
Tonight I would like to acknowledge firstly that I don't normally blog on Friday nights because I'm normally at youth. However, due to a wrist/forearm injury that happened last week, I can't be there. Also, it is making things like writing a bit painful, so this one has been a bit slow in progress (not that you'd notice because you're not watching me type this).
Anywho, I need to get on with the point to this particular blog. In four days, on Tuesday August 20th, my best friend of the last three years, Kathleen Ann Walton-Roy, leaves Perth for England. She may or may not tell me off for using her full name here, but either way she loves me and I know she'll get past it. That's a risk I'm willing to take. I'd like to use this blog as a public notice of her greatness and let you all know why I consider her to be my best friend.
We met in June of 2010 in a young adult small group meeting in a friend's apartment in Perth. I can't remember what I said but I must have said something good that night because as soon as the night formally ended, she came up to me, gave me a rather tight hug and said, "I NEED to have a coffee with you sometime soon, please!" Well, the smart thing to do in that situation is say yes. We exchanged phone numbers and so began our friendship. Now, I'm not going to go over every detail of what's happened between then and now because some of it is too personal and some of it will just bore you, so I'll just stick to what I think are the most important details for you.
Over the next few months, we got to know each other rather quickly. Then, life would give me the biggest punch I thought I could ever deal with. On November 10, 2010 at 8:28 am, I got a phone call stating that one of the most inspirational people I've ever known and the one person I could relate to on a medical level, Zoe Johnston, had passed away from the effects of cystic fibrosis. It absolutely smashed me physically, mentally, emotionally and even spiritually. Seriously, I even questioned my faith in God in the aftermath of that. However, one thing that was constant during that time was my friendship with Kathy. She was consistently there with phone calls, messages of encouragement, hugs, prayers and all those great things one needs when one loses someone significant like that.
Like any close friendship that's been around for a while, we have had our share of disagreements. Again, I'm not going into detail, but just proving that our friendship isn't out of a Hollywood movie, and that it's not perfect. However, at the end of the day, the fact is the positives have FAR outweighed the negatives and when you can look at someone and despite having seen their worst, still remember exactly why you love them, you need to hang on to that person because you've got them for life. Seriously, I just can't let her go. Oh, how I have tried in the past, but I just can't. God just will not let me!
There is a theory that some people are in your life for a reason, some for a season and a few for a lifetime. I believe I've found a lifetime friend in Kathy. She's one of the more selfless people on the planet that I know, will stop to help a stranger and she even contacted me from as far as New Zealand while I was in hospital (several times) just to be sure I was okay. Now that is nothing short of amazing! There was one time she even cancelled her day's plans just to take me to hospital and she sat there with me the whole day as well.
She brings out the best in me, encourages me to become all that God has destined for me and as I've made mention, is there for me even during the hardest of times. She's also got the patience to get to the bottom of the barrel and find out the deepest part of an issue. Where some people will just take something at face-value, she will discuss it until it's resolved. Now that just shows the heart of the woman right there!
She's got the most amazing sense of humour and is one of those people who can even make me smile when everything inside of me just wants to cry or scream. I've had the honour of watching her go through some huge personal growth over the past three years as well as she's matured into an amazing, beautiful woman with a seriously great singing voice. Seriously, if you haven't heard it, do yourself a favour and buy her music when she makes an album someday, in the hopefully not too distant future. You know it will be the business, quite literally! It's also been great more recently being able to serve alongside her in youth leadership at Metro Church. If you had asked me a year ago if that would happen, I would have questioned what drug you were on. Not because she doesn't have the heart, but because I thought with her lifestyle (one of those people who just doesn't stop until life forces her to) I figured she'd be too busy to give up her Friday nights for that. However, she's been doing it and has given a really solid effort as well from all reports. I'm a bit disappointed I missed her final night at youth last week with my wrist but from all reports, it was fantastic.
There is nothing I can't talk about with her from the most immature stuff on the internet to deep personal and world issues. I know that being in England is going to be tough for the closeness of our friendship and things will change with us a bit, such as the amount of communication. However, I am totally certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that what she is doing is definitely following the calling of God upon her life for greatness and I wouldn't want anything less for her. She deserves God's best and she's chasing it with all her strength, so I say go, give it your all and share your amazingness with the rest of the world. As much as I'd love to keep her in Perth, this city is simply too small for someone with such a big heart and musical talent as Kathy's. She needs to go, spread her wings and fly into everything God has for her. But for goodness sake, I hope she does come back someday, at least for a holiday, because she's one person who I really would risk life and limb to get on a plane and fly halfway round the world just to find.
In closing, I promise that even from Oxford, England, Kathy will be the first to know when I'm in hospital, about any girl issues I'm facing or about how I'm dominating life. I will miss you and I love you more than I can find the words to state right now. Go with God, keep him first in all that you do and be all that you're called to be in this life and don't settle for second-best! :)
Love,
Perry.
Saturday, 10 August 2013
Vacant Position
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Today I would like to advertise for a position in my life: decent female friend. As it currently stands, apparently I have four, but I'm not convinced. One is very inconsistent, two have boyfriends and therefore don't speak to me much, the other is about to leave Australia. Therefore I'm feeling a bit lost right now and would like to advertise for a decent female friend. She must have the following:
1. Love Jesus.
2. Live in and not have any desire to leave Perth.
3. Be honest.
4. Give consistent communication.
5. Don't be ignorant when you get a boyfriend.
6. Decent hugs.
By the way, this isn't even slightly a joke.
Today I would like to advertise for a position in my life: decent female friend. As it currently stands, apparently I have four, but I'm not convinced. One is very inconsistent, two have boyfriends and therefore don't speak to me much, the other is about to leave Australia. Therefore I'm feeling a bit lost right now and would like to advertise for a decent female friend. She must have the following:
1. Love Jesus.
2. Live in and not have any desire to leave Perth.
3. Be honest.
4. Give consistent communication.
5. Don't be ignorant when you get a boyfriend.
6. Decent hugs.
By the way, this isn't even slightly a joke.
Saturday, 3 August 2013
You always have more to give
Sunday, August 4, 2013
I was originally going to write a blog dedicated to the awesome definition of selflessness that is my mother, Kylie Cunningham, considering it's her birthday tomorrow, but I have a more pressing issue that needs to be talked about today. She's not the kind of person to be upset about something like that anyway, so I will just say happy birthday mum, hope you enjoy your day tomorrow! :)
At the moment, I'm listening to a song by Relient K called "Give." It's about giving until there is absolutely nothing left, to the point where you are so dry that you think you're going to pass out and die, physically and emotionally. And lately, that's how I've been feeling. I've felt a bit sucked dry, to the point where on Wednesday I was feeling unwell due to stress (not going into detail) and usually when I get like that, I don't sleep or eat much, which doesn't help the situation at all. Also, I don't really reach out to many people anymore because my ability to trust people at the moment is almost non-existant. Seriously, I can count those people who I can wholeheartedly trust on one hand.
We have had a rather rough family situation come up and it all came to a head on Wednesday. It just proved that even those who you think will never make you cry, can. I guess it just shows that the closer some people are in your life, greater is their ability to hurt you, even though you trust them not to. Since then, I've brushed it off and I can honestly say I am okay, but I'm still struggling to get around the ability to trust others at the moment. Is it an issue? I don't believe it is. I believe it's an issue when you don't have those personal boundaries and you give your emotional issues to every person willing to listen long enough. I used to be like that because I longed so much for a decent, caring friend in my life because simply put, I had no friends at all, let alone real decent ones. Now, God has spoiled me for choice and I have a few decent friends who I can go to about anything. Depending on the situation will depend on who I go to with the particular issue I am dealing with.
What do you do when you get so tired that you don't want to get out of bed for three days? I did that earlier this week (Wednesday to Friday). It wasn't just something I wrote on Facebook, but something I really did. I was that tired physically, emotionally and spiritually that I needed to just lie down and sleep and turn my phone on silent. Thankfully, a couple of amazing people got hold of me (Amy, Hannah and Sarah) and gave me some godly wisdom into things. Also, during those couple of days it gave me a good opportunity to have some seriously good Jesus time, so that happened as well. I had a punctured tyre on Tuesday which forced me to stay in bed for a couple of days anyway. I think of it as God using that situation to force me to stop and rest and I am glad he did because I'm better off for it. The fact is that if God has brought you through something before, he ultimately promised he WILL do it again! Maybe not today, maybe not even tomorrow, but in due course, the seasons will change because that is all they are - seasons.
Seasons are a part of nature and if they didn't happen, things wouldn't grow anywhere near as strong as they do. Trees would not be green, flowers wouldn't bloom, grass wouldn't grow, animals would die out and the world wouldn't look anywhere near as lovely as it does in the aftermath of storms. Sure, we don't exactly enjoy storms while we are enduring them, but I am certain in the aftermath of the situation, we look back, smile and thank God we came through because we can see the positive difference it made to our character.
There is nothing wrong with lying down and sleeping for a couple of days, even turning your phone on silent and only answering to those most important in your life, as long as eventually you do get up and fight again. I came to a point yesterday where I found myself getting moody and so I noticed it was a beautiful day as far as weather was concerned, so I waited until after the Eagles game had started (because getting caught up in that crowd would just make my mood worse), I grabbed some coffee, put my iPod on my chilled playlist, sat under a tree and took a nap in the sun for a short while. It was good and refreshing to do that and I felt a whole lot better after that.
Find whatever it is that helps you relax physically and emotionally and do that. Even if you don't think you have time, you don't have time not to do it. It is not worth your mental, emotional, spiritual or physical health to live with heaps of junk like that. Jesus has promised he is faithful to see us through to the end, which means he is right there holding us during stormy seasons. That is not to say he will drag us out when we start complaining because he knows in the end, it's for our own good that we learn to persevere through this because usually he is trying to teach us something.
Remember, giving up is not an option! :)
I was originally going to write a blog dedicated to the awesome definition of selflessness that is my mother, Kylie Cunningham, considering it's her birthday tomorrow, but I have a more pressing issue that needs to be talked about today. She's not the kind of person to be upset about something like that anyway, so I will just say happy birthday mum, hope you enjoy your day tomorrow! :)
At the moment, I'm listening to a song by Relient K called "Give." It's about giving until there is absolutely nothing left, to the point where you are so dry that you think you're going to pass out and die, physically and emotionally. And lately, that's how I've been feeling. I've felt a bit sucked dry, to the point where on Wednesday I was feeling unwell due to stress (not going into detail) and usually when I get like that, I don't sleep or eat much, which doesn't help the situation at all. Also, I don't really reach out to many people anymore because my ability to trust people at the moment is almost non-existant. Seriously, I can count those people who I can wholeheartedly trust on one hand.
We have had a rather rough family situation come up and it all came to a head on Wednesday. It just proved that even those who you think will never make you cry, can. I guess it just shows that the closer some people are in your life, greater is their ability to hurt you, even though you trust them not to. Since then, I've brushed it off and I can honestly say I am okay, but I'm still struggling to get around the ability to trust others at the moment. Is it an issue? I don't believe it is. I believe it's an issue when you don't have those personal boundaries and you give your emotional issues to every person willing to listen long enough. I used to be like that because I longed so much for a decent, caring friend in my life because simply put, I had no friends at all, let alone real decent ones. Now, God has spoiled me for choice and I have a few decent friends who I can go to about anything. Depending on the situation will depend on who I go to with the particular issue I am dealing with.
What do you do when you get so tired that you don't want to get out of bed for three days? I did that earlier this week (Wednesday to Friday). It wasn't just something I wrote on Facebook, but something I really did. I was that tired physically, emotionally and spiritually that I needed to just lie down and sleep and turn my phone on silent. Thankfully, a couple of amazing people got hold of me (Amy, Hannah and Sarah) and gave me some godly wisdom into things. Also, during those couple of days it gave me a good opportunity to have some seriously good Jesus time, so that happened as well. I had a punctured tyre on Tuesday which forced me to stay in bed for a couple of days anyway. I think of it as God using that situation to force me to stop and rest and I am glad he did because I'm better off for it. The fact is that if God has brought you through something before, he ultimately promised he WILL do it again! Maybe not today, maybe not even tomorrow, but in due course, the seasons will change because that is all they are - seasons.
Seasons are a part of nature and if they didn't happen, things wouldn't grow anywhere near as strong as they do. Trees would not be green, flowers wouldn't bloom, grass wouldn't grow, animals would die out and the world wouldn't look anywhere near as lovely as it does in the aftermath of storms. Sure, we don't exactly enjoy storms while we are enduring them, but I am certain in the aftermath of the situation, we look back, smile and thank God we came through because we can see the positive difference it made to our character.
There is nothing wrong with lying down and sleeping for a couple of days, even turning your phone on silent and only answering to those most important in your life, as long as eventually you do get up and fight again. I came to a point yesterday where I found myself getting moody and so I noticed it was a beautiful day as far as weather was concerned, so I waited until after the Eagles game had started (because getting caught up in that crowd would just make my mood worse), I grabbed some coffee, put my iPod on my chilled playlist, sat under a tree and took a nap in the sun for a short while. It was good and refreshing to do that and I felt a whole lot better after that.
Find whatever it is that helps you relax physically and emotionally and do that. Even if you don't think you have time, you don't have time not to do it. It is not worth your mental, emotional, spiritual or physical health to live with heaps of junk like that. Jesus has promised he is faithful to see us through to the end, which means he is right there holding us during stormy seasons. That is not to say he will drag us out when we start complaining because he knows in the end, it's for our own good that we learn to persevere through this because usually he is trying to teach us something.
Remember, giving up is not an option! :)
Sunday, 28 July 2013
And I'm back in the game!
Monday, July 29, 2013
It is 1:08 am as I write this while sipping on a honey and lemon tea, listening to Linkin Park and eating chocolate ice cream and sticky date pudding, baked by yours truly. I went to church this evening for the first time in about a month as my body has been struggling with fatigue and just lack of energy since getting home and I've taken a rather cautious approach to getting back into the swing of things. To a point, I am regretting that a bit as it's meant I've missed out spiritually and emotionally for the sake of my physical health.
That is the entire reason I went to church tonight. I'm still feeling a bit sluggish as I'm recovering from a throat infection, and I probably should have taken another night off, especially considering I've got university tomorrow afternoon. However, I decided I needed to go to church because I've been feeling rather moody the last couple of days. It was a good decision and I don't regret it at all. Tonight Geoff spoke on being offended and how we can take that and either use it as motivation to grow and mature, or we can take it and let it grow into something destructive such as deep bitterness. In the words of Linkin Park and Jay-Z, "Get that dirt off your shoulder."
It's always good going to church, especially when I haven't been able to go much because as I said to my best friend earlier tonight, getting the cd's from Kurt was great while in hospital, but it's just not the same as being there with those that love me, hearing the message and being in God's presence at that moment. That's why I do make an effort to try and be there as often as possible, even sometimes at the expense of my own health the next day. Hopefully this won't be the case tomorrow, which brings me to the reason for the title tonight.
After one year out with serious health issues, a bone infection which could have potentially killed me, and being told I will never be healthy enough to go back, I am going to university tomorrow for another semester. I'm not going back thinking that I am some kind of superhero and doing it full-time, but only doing two subjects. Still, I must be honest right here and admit the last few nights I've not slept much as I've been overthinking things a bit. Do I have what it takes? Physically, emotionally, mentally? In short, I am not so sure. However, while I'm not super confident in my abilities right now, especially because I'm still rather tired physically and emotionally, I am confident in Jesus giving me his abilities. I can also rest completely assured in the fact that I know it was God that has called me to this place and he won't call me into something without giving me the ability to achieve what he has destined for me to do. Therefore I will go and give it my absolute best, knowing that God is my strength, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. It's going to take hard work, discipline and I'm sure there will be times this semester where I really wish I wasn't doing it, but I know I'm called into youth work, so I won't give up and I will see it through to the end. Also, it's a huge blessing for me to be there at all, especially considering I was told at eight years old that I'd never amount to anything, that I'd be lucky to pass primary school. Therefore I'm seriously completely humbled to have the opportunity by God's grace that I'm even at university, so I think I owe it to him to do my best with the gift of an education he's giving me here.
Well, I guess I'd better attempt this thing they call sleep as tomorrow is a huge day for me. Remember, giving up is not an option! :)
It is 1:08 am as I write this while sipping on a honey and lemon tea, listening to Linkin Park and eating chocolate ice cream and sticky date pudding, baked by yours truly. I went to church this evening for the first time in about a month as my body has been struggling with fatigue and just lack of energy since getting home and I've taken a rather cautious approach to getting back into the swing of things. To a point, I am regretting that a bit as it's meant I've missed out spiritually and emotionally for the sake of my physical health.
That is the entire reason I went to church tonight. I'm still feeling a bit sluggish as I'm recovering from a throat infection, and I probably should have taken another night off, especially considering I've got university tomorrow afternoon. However, I decided I needed to go to church because I've been feeling rather moody the last couple of days. It was a good decision and I don't regret it at all. Tonight Geoff spoke on being offended and how we can take that and either use it as motivation to grow and mature, or we can take it and let it grow into something destructive such as deep bitterness. In the words of Linkin Park and Jay-Z, "Get that dirt off your shoulder."
It's always good going to church, especially when I haven't been able to go much because as I said to my best friend earlier tonight, getting the cd's from Kurt was great while in hospital, but it's just not the same as being there with those that love me, hearing the message and being in God's presence at that moment. That's why I do make an effort to try and be there as often as possible, even sometimes at the expense of my own health the next day. Hopefully this won't be the case tomorrow, which brings me to the reason for the title tonight.
After one year out with serious health issues, a bone infection which could have potentially killed me, and being told I will never be healthy enough to go back, I am going to university tomorrow for another semester. I'm not going back thinking that I am some kind of superhero and doing it full-time, but only doing two subjects. Still, I must be honest right here and admit the last few nights I've not slept much as I've been overthinking things a bit. Do I have what it takes? Physically, emotionally, mentally? In short, I am not so sure. However, while I'm not super confident in my abilities right now, especially because I'm still rather tired physically and emotionally, I am confident in Jesus giving me his abilities. I can also rest completely assured in the fact that I know it was God that has called me to this place and he won't call me into something without giving me the ability to achieve what he has destined for me to do. Therefore I will go and give it my absolute best, knowing that God is my strength, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. It's going to take hard work, discipline and I'm sure there will be times this semester where I really wish I wasn't doing it, but I know I'm called into youth work, so I won't give up and I will see it through to the end. Also, it's a huge blessing for me to be there at all, especially considering I was told at eight years old that I'd never amount to anything, that I'd be lucky to pass primary school. Therefore I'm seriously completely humbled to have the opportunity by God's grace that I'm even at university, so I think I owe it to him to do my best with the gift of an education he's giving me here.
Well, I guess I'd better attempt this thing they call sleep as tomorrow is a huge day for me. Remember, giving up is not an option! :)
Sunday, 21 July 2013
John 15
Sunday, July 21, 2013
As I write this, I'm totally getting my Irish on with some tea, Mumford and Sons and wearing my most bogan, old track pants and jumper. My phone is on silent and I only intend on answering if my best friend, Kathy, was to call me. Everyone else can hold that thought for tonight. I will get back to you tomorrow.
This week has really tried hard to punch me in the face and a couple of times, it felt like it was getting the best of me. However, I know at the end of it all, Jesus is right there and knows what he's doing. I'm thankful for the wisdom of some great friends, particularly Kathy, Candace, Michelle and Shona this week. They've put up with my grumbling, thrown chocolate at me, given me hugs and shared their godly wisdom with me as well and for that, I thank God for each of them.
It has been one really big rollercoaster ride, which is an ironic metaphor, especially considering I'm actually not allowed to ride rollercoasters, so I can't speak from experience on that one. I really need to come up with better metaphors in future. It's like one day I'm smiling with the world, fist-pumping and feeling like I can dominate anything set out in front of me and the next day, the smallest thing can happen and I'm struggling not to break down publicly. Therefore I've decided it best to stay home tonight and also because I'm physically unwell. When I refuse chocolate and don't watch all the Dockers game, you know I'm unwell. I started feeling sick last night with flu-like symptoms and I'm feeling pretty average with it today, so didn't think it was worth the risk of going to church, especially in the cold.
I was texting with Michelle earlier and she had a wise perspective on it all that has left me feeling a lot better. She said it sounds like I'm going through a John 15 season. In John 15 in the bible, Jesus is speaking about trees. He mentions that sometimes it's necessary for some branches that are dying to be cut off so that stronger branches can grow. Lately it feels to me like some things are changing in my life and as the old saying goes, change is a necessary evil. It's only evil because it's uncomfortable. If we always did what was comfortable, we would never learn anything, we'd never grow and never get anywhere in life because we'd be stuck. Sounds like a boring way to live to me.
"Easy living, you're not much life for me. Easy dying, hey you look just about the same. Would you please take me off your list, easy living?" - Switchfoot, The Beautiful Letdown
Seriously, if we only always did what was easy and comfortable, we wouldn't really have fun in this life either. Therefore if God takes me through something that's tough, especially if I know for a fact that God is right there leading me through it all, I will hold on to him through it, follow him with his word and keep close to him in prayer. I will also keep in good contact with those amazing men and women he's put in my life to give me wise advice through these inconsistent seasons that try and push me around. I may bruise, but I will never break and God has promised me this. Yes it hurts when we go through seasons of change and growth, but they are definitely for our own good, especially when God is the one leading us through them.
I'd like to end today with a challenge: If you are feeling God leading you through one of those seasons and you're a bit scared because you think it will hurt, embrace it and let it take its course within you. It will be rough and won't be all nice, but God will never leave you at all and he will do it with grace and love as well. You'll be better off for facing it than ignoring it because if it's a God-thing, you're only delaying the inevitable anyway. Face your fears and punch them in their dirty face! :)
As I write this, I'm totally getting my Irish on with some tea, Mumford and Sons and wearing my most bogan, old track pants and jumper. My phone is on silent and I only intend on answering if my best friend, Kathy, was to call me. Everyone else can hold that thought for tonight. I will get back to you tomorrow.
This week has really tried hard to punch me in the face and a couple of times, it felt like it was getting the best of me. However, I know at the end of it all, Jesus is right there and knows what he's doing. I'm thankful for the wisdom of some great friends, particularly Kathy, Candace, Michelle and Shona this week. They've put up with my grumbling, thrown chocolate at me, given me hugs and shared their godly wisdom with me as well and for that, I thank God for each of them.
It has been one really big rollercoaster ride, which is an ironic metaphor, especially considering I'm actually not allowed to ride rollercoasters, so I can't speak from experience on that one. I really need to come up with better metaphors in future. It's like one day I'm smiling with the world, fist-pumping and feeling like I can dominate anything set out in front of me and the next day, the smallest thing can happen and I'm struggling not to break down publicly. Therefore I've decided it best to stay home tonight and also because I'm physically unwell. When I refuse chocolate and don't watch all the Dockers game, you know I'm unwell. I started feeling sick last night with flu-like symptoms and I'm feeling pretty average with it today, so didn't think it was worth the risk of going to church, especially in the cold.
I was texting with Michelle earlier and she had a wise perspective on it all that has left me feeling a lot better. She said it sounds like I'm going through a John 15 season. In John 15 in the bible, Jesus is speaking about trees. He mentions that sometimes it's necessary for some branches that are dying to be cut off so that stronger branches can grow. Lately it feels to me like some things are changing in my life and as the old saying goes, change is a necessary evil. It's only evil because it's uncomfortable. If we always did what was comfortable, we would never learn anything, we'd never grow and never get anywhere in life because we'd be stuck. Sounds like a boring way to live to me.
"Easy living, you're not much life for me. Easy dying, hey you look just about the same. Would you please take me off your list, easy living?" - Switchfoot, The Beautiful Letdown
Seriously, if we only always did what was easy and comfortable, we wouldn't really have fun in this life either. Therefore if God takes me through something that's tough, especially if I know for a fact that God is right there leading me through it all, I will hold on to him through it, follow him with his word and keep close to him in prayer. I will also keep in good contact with those amazing men and women he's put in my life to give me wise advice through these inconsistent seasons that try and push me around. I may bruise, but I will never break and God has promised me this. Yes it hurts when we go through seasons of change and growth, but they are definitely for our own good, especially when God is the one leading us through them.
I'd like to end today with a challenge: If you are feeling God leading you through one of those seasons and you're a bit scared because you think it will hurt, embrace it and let it take its course within you. It will be rough and won't be all nice, but God will never leave you at all and he will do it with grace and love as well. You'll be better off for facing it than ignoring it because if it's a God-thing, you're only delaying the inevitable anyway. Face your fears and punch them in their dirty face! :)
Sunday, 14 July 2013
Rivalries - part two
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Last week, I wrote about rivalries and how there are some big sporting events where the rivals of their respective sports will go head-to-head in the near future. Well, as I write this, it is Sunday night and my emotions have been through the highs and lows that rival sports can offer. I've watched my favourite AFL team, the Fremantle Dockers, win against their rival, West Coast Eagles and stay in contention for a top four finish to what has been a very good season. It was a really good game by both sides to be fair and even though I thought the umpiring on the day was terrible, it had no effect on the result of the game. There was one huge decision though that resulted in Dockers captain Matthew Pavlich being reported. It was a very soft, accidental bump at most and the only reason he was reported was because it was head-high contact. The other player involved got straight back up, so I think it should have been a free kick at most, not a report. If he gets suspended for it, it will be a seriously shocking decision. As for Andrew Embley's hit on Clancee Pearce, Pearce was unconscious and didn't come back on the ground. Therefore I think Embley is in a bit of trouble. Also, Embley has a bad record in regard to being suspended in the past. However, there have been some really strange decisions in the past, so I really don't know what will happen.
Just as I was fist-pumping and enjoying the spoils of the victory, my emotions would be severely tested as I turned it over to watch the final day's play in the first Ashes test between Australia and England. At lunch, it came down to this: Australia needing 20 runs to win and England one wicket. There was the faintest noise, given not out by the field umpire and eventually, the England captain reviewed the decision and the video umpire gave it out after he asked for audio assistance. Now here is where it gets really interesting. Immediately following the decision, being a passionate Australian male, my blood was at boiling point. Not only had we officially lost the first test so closely after coming back from the death in nearly an impossible situation, but it was in the enemy's backyard and in very controversial circumstances. I was really unhappy considering all of that because of the closeness of the game, the fact it was the enemy in their own backyard and on a technicality, I don't think it should have been given out. The third umpire took an eternity to make his decision because he went back and asked to use the audio to make his decision. Initially, I thought it wasn't fair that he did that because he should have just gone off the evidence presented to him. However, I think that's actually fair enough because it was fairly out and I think if we have the technology available to help us make the correct decisions, especially in big games like this, then we should be able to make the most of it and use it to our benefit. Now, don't get me wrong here. I am not saying well done to England at all because they really are the enemy and I hope we absolutely kick their asses in the next four games. But what I am saying is I think the fair decision was made in the end. Hopefully it just fires up the Australian team for the next four games.
As for the third part of the rivalries in sport, Queensland head into enemy territory to play NSW in origin three on Wednesday night. The leader of the NSW thugs, Paul Gallen, is out and so hopefully that gives Queensland an edge there. The crowd will have to be shut out as being in Sydney, it will be dominated by NSW fans. I think the experience in big games, knowing it's a game three and that they're going for eight series wins in a row, I think Queensland can get the job done. All I do know is that my phone will be on silent on Wednesday from 5:30-8:00, so don't bother contacting me, unless it's about the game, because like today, I won't reply to any messages or take any calls. By the way, that's not even a joke.
Well, that's enough rambling for me for one week but before I go, I need to make it public information that I didn't skip church simply for the western derby, though I have definitely been known to do things like that in the past. I didn't make church because I am legit so tired still and the trains aren't running properly for a few days while a stupid tunnel gets connected. All things considered, I felt it best to just have a chill day at home. Anyway, that's me done for now.
Last week, I wrote about rivalries and how there are some big sporting events where the rivals of their respective sports will go head-to-head in the near future. Well, as I write this, it is Sunday night and my emotions have been through the highs and lows that rival sports can offer. I've watched my favourite AFL team, the Fremantle Dockers, win against their rival, West Coast Eagles and stay in contention for a top four finish to what has been a very good season. It was a really good game by both sides to be fair and even though I thought the umpiring on the day was terrible, it had no effect on the result of the game. There was one huge decision though that resulted in Dockers captain Matthew Pavlich being reported. It was a very soft, accidental bump at most and the only reason he was reported was because it was head-high contact. The other player involved got straight back up, so I think it should have been a free kick at most, not a report. If he gets suspended for it, it will be a seriously shocking decision. As for Andrew Embley's hit on Clancee Pearce, Pearce was unconscious and didn't come back on the ground. Therefore I think Embley is in a bit of trouble. Also, Embley has a bad record in regard to being suspended in the past. However, there have been some really strange decisions in the past, so I really don't know what will happen.
Just as I was fist-pumping and enjoying the spoils of the victory, my emotions would be severely tested as I turned it over to watch the final day's play in the first Ashes test between Australia and England. At lunch, it came down to this: Australia needing 20 runs to win and England one wicket. There was the faintest noise, given not out by the field umpire and eventually, the England captain reviewed the decision and the video umpire gave it out after he asked for audio assistance. Now here is where it gets really interesting. Immediately following the decision, being a passionate Australian male, my blood was at boiling point. Not only had we officially lost the first test so closely after coming back from the death in nearly an impossible situation, but it was in the enemy's backyard and in very controversial circumstances. I was really unhappy considering all of that because of the closeness of the game, the fact it was the enemy in their own backyard and on a technicality, I don't think it should have been given out. The third umpire took an eternity to make his decision because he went back and asked to use the audio to make his decision. Initially, I thought it wasn't fair that he did that because he should have just gone off the evidence presented to him. However, I think that's actually fair enough because it was fairly out and I think if we have the technology available to help us make the correct decisions, especially in big games like this, then we should be able to make the most of it and use it to our benefit. Now, don't get me wrong here. I am not saying well done to England at all because they really are the enemy and I hope we absolutely kick their asses in the next four games. But what I am saying is I think the fair decision was made in the end. Hopefully it just fires up the Australian team for the next four games.
As for the third part of the rivalries in sport, Queensland head into enemy territory to play NSW in origin three on Wednesday night. The leader of the NSW thugs, Paul Gallen, is out and so hopefully that gives Queensland an edge there. The crowd will have to be shut out as being in Sydney, it will be dominated by NSW fans. I think the experience in big games, knowing it's a game three and that they're going for eight series wins in a row, I think Queensland can get the job done. All I do know is that my phone will be on silent on Wednesday from 5:30-8:00, so don't bother contacting me, unless it's about the game, because like today, I won't reply to any messages or take any calls. By the way, that's not even a joke.
Well, that's enough rambling for me for one week but before I go, I need to make it public information that I didn't skip church simply for the western derby, though I have definitely been known to do things like that in the past. I didn't make church because I am legit so tired still and the trains aren't running properly for a few days while a stupid tunnel gets connected. All things considered, I felt it best to just have a chill day at home. Anyway, that's me done for now.
Sunday, 7 July 2013
Rivalries
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Today as the week comes to an end, I find myself sitting in my room, only a few metres away from our fireplace, listening to Foo Fighters at full volume because nobody else is home. The Dockers have just registered yet another victory at home against a low-ranked opponent and all this leaves me thinking that rivalry is a great thing, especially for someone like me. I find people like that really inspire me, especially during weeks like this.
On Thursday, I had an unfortunate incident on public transport that left me with a wrist injury which is why I wasn't at youth or church at all this week and haven't left the house since Thursday. I've been emotionally up and down and as I said to my best friend a couple of days ago, I'm a bit over it honestly because it's felt like it's been one thing after another for about a year for me now and I just want a break, seriously. However, I then see a story like Dockers captain Matthew Pavlich who had serious ankle surgery and two months on the sidelines. He is well-known all over Australia for his ability on the field and has gone through his career relatively healthy and this is by far the longest he's had off-field with an injury, so he's been very blessed in that way. He said in an interview this week that his wife has been great because even he has struggled at times with his emotions during his rehabilitation process and not doing what he loves every week, which is playing footy and leading the Fremantle Dockers into battle. Today he came back and kicked two huge goals from outside 50 within a minute. You could tell by the look in his face that he was back emotionally. Sure, he didn't dominate and he only kicked the two goals, but you could tell he was positive and up for the challenge and sometimes, that's all it takes.
This week the Australian Wallabies got smashed against the British and Irish Lions in rugby and they won't be happy one bit. Losing to the poms absolutely hurts, nearly as much as losing to the yanks and kiwis hurts us. Hopefully our national cricket team can learn from our rugby team as the Ashes series starts this Wednesday. Also, while on footy, the Dockers play their ultimate rival, the West Coast Eagles in the Western Derby. That means there will be a lot of jokes, sledging and fun for all my Eagles fan friends. Simon, I'm looking right at you my friend. While the crowd will be pro-Eagles as it's their home game, I'm sure it won't bother the Dockers one bit and I think they will feed off it to be honest.
As for me, I love having a rival and I've had them in my life all the time. Whether it's beating someone wearing a Pies jersey in the 2012 Run For a Reason or brushing off ten people offering to help me up "Heartbreak Hill" in the 2012 City To Surf, I love a good challenge as it stirs the fire in my gut to keep going when the times get tough. As I write this, I am preparing as best I can, despite a minor wrist injury, for a half-marathon in this year's city to surf on August 25. What's stirring me on? I just don't know how to quit and it's a challenge that I've never accomplished before and something I'd like to tick off my bucket list. My rival in this situation is not one competitor exactly as I've no idea exactly who is running. Instead, my rival in this case would be anyone who has ever said anything negative over my life and that I can't do anything. It's all the bullies I faced in school, the doctors who predicted I'd be dead years ago and anyone who ever made my sisters and closest friends cry. It's a big "screw you" to all those people!
Ultimately, I'd love to be able to compete in the London marathon someday. For now, I'll be happy just to finish the half-marathon, especially considering doctors were saying I won't even make the start line. Also, while I'm not arrogant enough to be making any bold predictions as for a finishing time as it's a distance I've never attempted before, let alone in race conditions, I will promise that I will give 100%, I will finish and I will overtake anyone wearing Collingwood Magpies gear.
"Stand up for the dark horses." - Switchfoot
Today as the week comes to an end, I find myself sitting in my room, only a few metres away from our fireplace, listening to Foo Fighters at full volume because nobody else is home. The Dockers have just registered yet another victory at home against a low-ranked opponent and all this leaves me thinking that rivalry is a great thing, especially for someone like me. I find people like that really inspire me, especially during weeks like this.
On Thursday, I had an unfortunate incident on public transport that left me with a wrist injury which is why I wasn't at youth or church at all this week and haven't left the house since Thursday. I've been emotionally up and down and as I said to my best friend a couple of days ago, I'm a bit over it honestly because it's felt like it's been one thing after another for about a year for me now and I just want a break, seriously. However, I then see a story like Dockers captain Matthew Pavlich who had serious ankle surgery and two months on the sidelines. He is well-known all over Australia for his ability on the field and has gone through his career relatively healthy and this is by far the longest he's had off-field with an injury, so he's been very blessed in that way. He said in an interview this week that his wife has been great because even he has struggled at times with his emotions during his rehabilitation process and not doing what he loves every week, which is playing footy and leading the Fremantle Dockers into battle. Today he came back and kicked two huge goals from outside 50 within a minute. You could tell by the look in his face that he was back emotionally. Sure, he didn't dominate and he only kicked the two goals, but you could tell he was positive and up for the challenge and sometimes, that's all it takes.
This week the Australian Wallabies got smashed against the British and Irish Lions in rugby and they won't be happy one bit. Losing to the poms absolutely hurts, nearly as much as losing to the yanks and kiwis hurts us. Hopefully our national cricket team can learn from our rugby team as the Ashes series starts this Wednesday. Also, while on footy, the Dockers play their ultimate rival, the West Coast Eagles in the Western Derby. That means there will be a lot of jokes, sledging and fun for all my Eagles fan friends. Simon, I'm looking right at you my friend. While the crowd will be pro-Eagles as it's their home game, I'm sure it won't bother the Dockers one bit and I think they will feed off it to be honest.
As for me, I love having a rival and I've had them in my life all the time. Whether it's beating someone wearing a Pies jersey in the 2012 Run For a Reason or brushing off ten people offering to help me up "Heartbreak Hill" in the 2012 City To Surf, I love a good challenge as it stirs the fire in my gut to keep going when the times get tough. As I write this, I am preparing as best I can, despite a minor wrist injury, for a half-marathon in this year's city to surf on August 25. What's stirring me on? I just don't know how to quit and it's a challenge that I've never accomplished before and something I'd like to tick off my bucket list. My rival in this situation is not one competitor exactly as I've no idea exactly who is running. Instead, my rival in this case would be anyone who has ever said anything negative over my life and that I can't do anything. It's all the bullies I faced in school, the doctors who predicted I'd be dead years ago and anyone who ever made my sisters and closest friends cry. It's a big "screw you" to all those people!
Ultimately, I'd love to be able to compete in the London marathon someday. For now, I'll be happy just to finish the half-marathon, especially considering doctors were saying I won't even make the start line. Also, while I'm not arrogant enough to be making any bold predictions as for a finishing time as it's a distance I've never attempted before, let alone in race conditions, I will promise that I will give 100%, I will finish and I will overtake anyone wearing Collingwood Magpies gear.
"Stand up for the dark horses." - Switchfoot
Friday, 28 June 2013
29-06-13
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Yesterday, I read something on Facebook and it totally hurt my heart. To be honest, it robbed me of sleep last night and it still hurts me now. A good friend of mine, MJ, who doesn't have cooties, is leaving to go back to England tomorrow and I must admit it totally sucks. Seriously, I'm not liking the country of England right now! I didn't cry last night, but am struggling with it today. Also, my best friend Kathy is on her way there very soon as well and that will not be fun saying bye to her. Not to mention my friend Drew left to live in London a couple of years ago as well and he's like a big brother to me. Seriously, England, you suck! :(
It would be okay if I was healthy enough to fly that far, but the fact is I'm just not. Sure, I've never been one to take every word of advice of my doctor, but sometimes I just know my body and I know I don't have the physical strength to go halfway around the world. Well, the bright news is MJ did say she'd be back soon. How soon is soon, though? I've got no idea. I guess I've just got to be thankful for technology such as Skype, Facebook and e-mail. As good as that is, it's not the same at all.
Therefore today I haven't got out of bed (also because last night was a crazy awesome night at youth that took it out of me physically) and it's 1:38 pm already and I've no intention to get up any time soon either. I will probably get up around 5:00 to get some food, a drink and watch the Dockers game that starts at 5:30, but I might not either because I really am that tired today, physically and emotionally.
Well, last night really was amazeballs. Yes, amazeballs is a word. We had a band from south of Perth come and lead worship for us and it was great. The presence of God last night was so thick, it was crazy! People were getting touched all across the room. Then, MJ and I shared our personal life stories and straight after I was finished, it was as if heaven just turned a tap on. Seriously, people were getting flooded with God's goodness right away and then, Hayden, our young adult pastor, got up and shared something for a few minutes and then it was like God wanted to give out even more. It made for a very long, but rewarding night. It's nights like those that make me sit back and thank God that he didn't give up on me and he gave me a heart for youth. Seriously, as I said last night, I don't want to see any youth have to deal with what I've dealt with and I need to make sure they know there's a real God who loves them the way they are. That's why I'm a youth leader and why I'm studying a Social Science degree, with a major in Youth Work at university. And on that bombshell, that's me done for today.
Yesterday, I read something on Facebook and it totally hurt my heart. To be honest, it robbed me of sleep last night and it still hurts me now. A good friend of mine, MJ, who doesn't have cooties, is leaving to go back to England tomorrow and I must admit it totally sucks. Seriously, I'm not liking the country of England right now! I didn't cry last night, but am struggling with it today. Also, my best friend Kathy is on her way there very soon as well and that will not be fun saying bye to her. Not to mention my friend Drew left to live in London a couple of years ago as well and he's like a big brother to me. Seriously, England, you suck! :(
It would be okay if I was healthy enough to fly that far, but the fact is I'm just not. Sure, I've never been one to take every word of advice of my doctor, but sometimes I just know my body and I know I don't have the physical strength to go halfway around the world. Well, the bright news is MJ did say she'd be back soon. How soon is soon, though? I've got no idea. I guess I've just got to be thankful for technology such as Skype, Facebook and e-mail. As good as that is, it's not the same at all.
Therefore today I haven't got out of bed (also because last night was a crazy awesome night at youth that took it out of me physically) and it's 1:38 pm already and I've no intention to get up any time soon either. I will probably get up around 5:00 to get some food, a drink and watch the Dockers game that starts at 5:30, but I might not either because I really am that tired today, physically and emotionally.
Well, last night really was amazeballs. Yes, amazeballs is a word. We had a band from south of Perth come and lead worship for us and it was great. The presence of God last night was so thick, it was crazy! People were getting touched all across the room. Then, MJ and I shared our personal life stories and straight after I was finished, it was as if heaven just turned a tap on. Seriously, people were getting flooded with God's goodness right away and then, Hayden, our young adult pastor, got up and shared something for a few minutes and then it was like God wanted to give out even more. It made for a very long, but rewarding night. It's nights like those that make me sit back and thank God that he didn't give up on me and he gave me a heart for youth. Seriously, as I said last night, I don't want to see any youth have to deal with what I've dealt with and I need to make sure they know there's a real God who loves them the way they are. That's why I'm a youth leader and why I'm studying a Social Science degree, with a major in Youth Work at university. And on that bombshell, that's me done for today.
Tuesday, 25 June 2013
25-06-13
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
First up, happy birthday to my aunty today! Even if you are busy with work and/or study, make sure you have taken the time to at least have a little bit of fun. I would have sent you a text but I have no phone still.
As for the rest of my day, I'm still trying to get my head around it and it will probably take some time, as I am one of those typical overthinking people. I just hope I do get some sort of sleep tonight because I lost a lot of sleep last night doing the same thing and oddly enough, for the same reason as well. Today I had coffee with one of the most AMAZING people ever and it was even better because I hadn't seen this person in like two months. That's why I couldn't sleep last night, because I was just too excited to see her. As is always the case with said beautiful woman, the hugs were great, coffee excellent and the conversation involved serious moments, awkwardness and some laughing. It's easy to state that seeing her has made my day. Heck, every time I see her she has this wonderful ability to make my day, whatever kind of mood I'm in or whatever is going on in my life. :D
I left that smiling like a complete tool, as one does when they leave an epic time like that. I needed to be smiling too as I was on my way to the doctors because I've had a swollen foot for a couple of weeks now. The doctors at the hospital did look at it, but said that there is nothing to worry about and it will go down soon. Well, it's only become worse, which is why I made the choice to go and see my gp about it. He's a very thorough doctor and so took a while to make his assessment of it. He gave me some good and bad news. He said the good news is I'm not feeling or looking unwell at all, so he doesn't think there is an infection of any type. He said the bad news is he think it could be because of a possible blood clot in the lower leg, so he has taken some blood and given me a referral to go to the hospital and get an ultrasound done. So, for the past three hours, I've just been sitting at home and waiting for Mum to come home because as I got home, she hasn't been home and I'm not keen to go by myself.
Well, in the mean time I am just going to piece a few things together from my conversation with said woman from today. I did tell her that I want to finish the conversation when I see her next, which is most likely to be Sunday. Therefore I really need to get my head around a few things to figure out what needs to be said. Well, I think I need to go brainstorm some thoughts down on paper... Night, night kids!
First up, happy birthday to my aunty today! Even if you are busy with work and/or study, make sure you have taken the time to at least have a little bit of fun. I would have sent you a text but I have no phone still.
As for the rest of my day, I'm still trying to get my head around it and it will probably take some time, as I am one of those typical overthinking people. I just hope I do get some sort of sleep tonight because I lost a lot of sleep last night doing the same thing and oddly enough, for the same reason as well. Today I had coffee with one of the most AMAZING people ever and it was even better because I hadn't seen this person in like two months. That's why I couldn't sleep last night, because I was just too excited to see her. As is always the case with said beautiful woman, the hugs were great, coffee excellent and the conversation involved serious moments, awkwardness and some laughing. It's easy to state that seeing her has made my day. Heck, every time I see her she has this wonderful ability to make my day, whatever kind of mood I'm in or whatever is going on in my life. :D
I left that smiling like a complete tool, as one does when they leave an epic time like that. I needed to be smiling too as I was on my way to the doctors because I've had a swollen foot for a couple of weeks now. The doctors at the hospital did look at it, but said that there is nothing to worry about and it will go down soon. Well, it's only become worse, which is why I made the choice to go and see my gp about it. He's a very thorough doctor and so took a while to make his assessment of it. He gave me some good and bad news. He said the good news is I'm not feeling or looking unwell at all, so he doesn't think there is an infection of any type. He said the bad news is he think it could be because of a possible blood clot in the lower leg, so he has taken some blood and given me a referral to go to the hospital and get an ultrasound done. So, for the past three hours, I've just been sitting at home and waiting for Mum to come home because as I got home, she hasn't been home and I'm not keen to go by myself.
Well, in the mean time I am just going to piece a few things together from my conversation with said woman from today. I did tell her that I want to finish the conversation when I see her next, which is most likely to be Sunday. Therefore I really need to get my head around a few things to figure out what needs to be said. Well, I think I need to go brainstorm some thoughts down on paper... Night, night kids!
Monday, 24 June 2013
24-06-13
Monday, June 24, 2013
Lately I've been asked by a lot of people, married, single or otherwise about my relationship status. Those that know me well will not need to read my explanation here, but for anyone who cares, I am very single and that will not change anytime soon. Why's that? Well, I came to a conclusion around this time last year that it's pretty bloody obvious that I just live in the friend-zone and I need to come to a place where I accept that and move on with my life. I would like to think I've done that over the past year. My care factor for the whole relationship scene has never been lower than it is right now. Also, I really don't know many happy people in relationships, so that doesn't exactly inspire me to find my princess. Aside from those awesome ones where the people are married for 10+ years with children and really are living happy, fruitful lives, I don't see anyone truly happy. People like that make me think maybe it is worth it, but then I remember that I'd have to put my heart out there again and that I'd have to deal with mental and emotional issues and games and it all just looks too hard, especially at the moment. I don't have the energy to deal with those issues right now, especially considering the medical and physical issues I've already been through during the first half of this year.
It feels like that every time a female friend of mine gets into a relationship, I turn invisible, although there is one exception to this and she knows who she is. Seriously, Ãt's immature, stupid and makes me feel like I don't count in your life. Well, if that's how it's going to be, fine. I don't chase people who don't care for me. Also, I don't want to become one of those snobs who don't have time for their friends simply because they now have a partner. Seriously, punch me in the face if I ever become like that!
I'm not completely ruling out ever finding a decent woman who hasn't friendzoned me, but I am saying it won't be this year and she is going to have to be all kinds of amazing because I don't fall easily anymore. Over this next season, I'm just going to be content to keep going the way I have done over the past year, with my relationship with God, my family and closest friends, about half of whom are female anyway.
It's not that my self-image is low or anything. I know I'm a decent enough person who is not a moron at all, but I simply don't have the emotional energy anymore. To sum it all up: it's their loss.
Lately I've been asked by a lot of people, married, single or otherwise about my relationship status. Those that know me well will not need to read my explanation here, but for anyone who cares, I am very single and that will not change anytime soon. Why's that? Well, I came to a conclusion around this time last year that it's pretty bloody obvious that I just live in the friend-zone and I need to come to a place where I accept that and move on with my life. I would like to think I've done that over the past year. My care factor for the whole relationship scene has never been lower than it is right now. Also, I really don't know many happy people in relationships, so that doesn't exactly inspire me to find my princess. Aside from those awesome ones where the people are married for 10+ years with children and really are living happy, fruitful lives, I don't see anyone truly happy. People like that make me think maybe it is worth it, but then I remember that I'd have to put my heart out there again and that I'd have to deal with mental and emotional issues and games and it all just looks too hard, especially at the moment. I don't have the energy to deal with those issues right now, especially considering the medical and physical issues I've already been through during the first half of this year.
It feels like that every time a female friend of mine gets into a relationship, I turn invisible, although there is one exception to this and she knows who she is. Seriously, Ãt's immature, stupid and makes me feel like I don't count in your life. Well, if that's how it's going to be, fine. I don't chase people who don't care for me. Also, I don't want to become one of those snobs who don't have time for their friends simply because they now have a partner. Seriously, punch me in the face if I ever become like that!
I'm not completely ruling out ever finding a decent woman who hasn't friendzoned me, but I am saying it won't be this year and she is going to have to be all kinds of amazing because I don't fall easily anymore. Over this next season, I'm just going to be content to keep going the way I have done over the past year, with my relationship with God, my family and closest friends, about half of whom are female anyway.
It's not that my self-image is low or anything. I know I'm a decent enough person who is not a moron at all, but I simply don't have the emotional energy anymore. To sum it all up: it's their loss.
Sunday, 23 June 2013
23-06-13
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Wisdom is a beautiful, yet very tough thing to master. I'm 27 years old and still struggle with that one these days, especially when it comes to my health and my physical limitations. I've been brought up to see myself as no different to anyone else and I don't see myself different at all, but the truth is I am different, at least a little bit. My body is not going to react the same as it would others who don't have any physical issues whatsoever.
Today, I woke up at around 9:00 after having to go to the city yesterday to pick up Bon Jovi tickets and call in for a coffee at Little Willy's. Even though I was out for only a grand total of about 3 hours, it really did take it out of me. As a consequence, I slept about ten hours straight and was still tired all day today, despite eating and drinking properly and not leaving the house at all. Therefore, come mid-afternoon, I was left with a choice for my evening: Would I risk pushing my body and go to church, even though I've only been home a few days or would I be sensible and wise and stay home and have a chilled night? Well, I did option number two. My body pretty much forced me to stop because it got to a point where my joints were seizing. Even if I did brush off the physical tiredness and soreness, God decided I was staying home anyway because it's been raining fairly hard most of the day and there's no way I'm going in that and it was too late to organise a lift, especially without a phone. On that, it's even harder getting home without a phone because there are no buses from the train station I use that late on a Sunday, so I guess I will have to probably miss another week of church, at least until I get my new phone. Seriously, I don't feel safe leaving the house without a phone at the moment unless I'm with someone.
Well, it ended being a productive, yet chilled day with watching the Dockers win again (seriously, I'm not getting bored of this one bit) and then I set up my room properly and organized all my clothes. I even threw heaps of them out that had just had it or didn't fit me properly and was amazed to find just how much I still have. That made me think of those I know currently in Cambodia, helping out people who have got seriously nothing and how blessed we are in Australia to have way more than we need, even if we think we are "poor".
I must admit I am glad I made the decision to stay home tonight. My body is thanking me and I'm feeling okay because of that. Had I tried to go extra hard and ride the emotional rollercoaster of excitement that is being home and go to church to see lots of people, I would probably be twice as tired or even feeling physically unwell right now. Putting my health first is a learning curve but it's a tough one because I need to figure out the best way to live my life as best and productively as possible, yet still being sensible enough to make sure I'm not making myself any worse than I need to be.
Lastly, God is big enough to not be confined to a building and so if he has something he needs to say to me, he can speak to me right here in my bedroom at home. I don't exactly have to be in church, with the right song, the right person praying for me and feeling holier than thou to receive from God. We just need to open our mouths. Seriously, just start talking to him and you'll be amazed at what happenes next! He understands that my body needs a rest sometimes and that I won't be able to make it to church every single Sunday without failure. This is why I'm thankful for his grace that allows me to do this.
Wisdom is a beautiful, yet very tough thing to master. I'm 27 years old and still struggle with that one these days, especially when it comes to my health and my physical limitations. I've been brought up to see myself as no different to anyone else and I don't see myself different at all, but the truth is I am different, at least a little bit. My body is not going to react the same as it would others who don't have any physical issues whatsoever.
Today, I woke up at around 9:00 after having to go to the city yesterday to pick up Bon Jovi tickets and call in for a coffee at Little Willy's. Even though I was out for only a grand total of about 3 hours, it really did take it out of me. As a consequence, I slept about ten hours straight and was still tired all day today, despite eating and drinking properly and not leaving the house at all. Therefore, come mid-afternoon, I was left with a choice for my evening: Would I risk pushing my body and go to church, even though I've only been home a few days or would I be sensible and wise and stay home and have a chilled night? Well, I did option number two. My body pretty much forced me to stop because it got to a point where my joints were seizing. Even if I did brush off the physical tiredness and soreness, God decided I was staying home anyway because it's been raining fairly hard most of the day and there's no way I'm going in that and it was too late to organise a lift, especially without a phone. On that, it's even harder getting home without a phone because there are no buses from the train station I use that late on a Sunday, so I guess I will have to probably miss another week of church, at least until I get my new phone. Seriously, I don't feel safe leaving the house without a phone at the moment unless I'm with someone.
Well, it ended being a productive, yet chilled day with watching the Dockers win again (seriously, I'm not getting bored of this one bit) and then I set up my room properly and organized all my clothes. I even threw heaps of them out that had just had it or didn't fit me properly and was amazed to find just how much I still have. That made me think of those I know currently in Cambodia, helping out people who have got seriously nothing and how blessed we are in Australia to have way more than we need, even if we think we are "poor".
I must admit I am glad I made the decision to stay home tonight. My body is thanking me and I'm feeling okay because of that. Had I tried to go extra hard and ride the emotional rollercoaster of excitement that is being home and go to church to see lots of people, I would probably be twice as tired or even feeling physically unwell right now. Putting my health first is a learning curve but it's a tough one because I need to figure out the best way to live my life as best and productively as possible, yet still being sensible enough to make sure I'm not making myself any worse than I need to be.
Lastly, God is big enough to not be confined to a building and so if he has something he needs to say to me, he can speak to me right here in my bedroom at home. I don't exactly have to be in church, with the right song, the right person praying for me and feeling holier than thou to receive from God. We just need to open our mouths. Seriously, just start talking to him and you'll be amazed at what happenes next! He understands that my body needs a rest sometimes and that I won't be able to make it to church every single Sunday without failure. This is why I'm thankful for his grace that allows me to do this.
Saturday, 22 June 2013
22-06-13
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Today I need to first acknowledge that my baby sister is no longer a teenager, as today is her 20th birthday, so happy birthday, Tess. Oh, break her heart and I break your face! Seriously, just ask her ex!
Anywho, I have a blog to write. Today my phone was stolen from the Perth Underground train station. I dropped it on the ground, heard it fall, went to pick it up and it was gone. It wasn't too busy, but there was still a fair few people around and I couldn't see clearly who may have picked it up. So, the second half of my afternoon was spent blocking my number, filing police reports, making statements and all that fun stuff that you do when your phone gets stolen. Although, on the positive, I do have insurance and so I will be getting a new phone within a couple of weeks.
This incident today made me think that when issues like this arise that seem to make us go from super happy to wanting to punch people in the face in two seconds flat, as much as we don't want to, we need to forgive and let it go. I let it rob my joy for a few hours until I realized that holding a grudge is like eating a lemon. Seriously, nobody except my niece enjoys eating a lemon. Forgiveness is not about the person that hurts us, but about us. I can say that I'm pretty sure the person who took my phone today hasn't thought about me twice since the incident. I've thought about them a lot. That just proves that I'm the one with the issue, not them. Yes it is an inconvenience not having a mobile phone for about two weeks, but I'm blessed that I have more than one method of communication such as Facebook and e-mail these days. Also, whatever happened to good old snail mail? It's like the only thing that comes through that these days are bills, which makes the mail-receiving thing not so fun. Letters are great and would make the mail getting thing a much more joyful experience for me!
It wasn't all bad today as I went to Little Willy's (my favourite coffee shop) and they asked where I'd been as they said they had missed me. I told them I'd been in hospital for a grand total of 155 days with a potentially life-threatening bone infection. Then, it was decided that today I would be getting my coffee for free because they missed me. Also, I was blown away that they still remembered how I like my coffee, even though I haven't been able to go there since November 2012. Now that is good service and just one reason why I keep going back there!
Well, I guess you can figure out from reading that I was at Perth Underground station that I am home from the hospital. To be fair, I got home Wednesday night but didn't want to make it public information until now. Last night was my first night back at youth and it absolutely blew me away with the amount of love that was in the place! Seriously, so much squealing was happening, but it was all good and there were more hugs than I can remember. I couldn't help but sit there in worship time and just watch with tears streaming down my face, knowing that I don't deserve this and that I'm only back at youth by God's grace. It was also a good reminder that Chris did the right thing last year by convincing me that my time in youth ministry is definitely not done, despite my physical condition in December last year when I called him and told him I was sick and will be stepping down permanently from being a youth leader. I'm absolutely humbled and thankful that I get to be a leader in the most amazing youth ministry ever, Metro Youth. I do not say that lightly either! I am so pumped for next week, but also slightly freaked as next Friday I will be sharing my personal life story. It's crazy because there is so much to tell and so I've got to figure out what the most important details of my life are that need to be shared. I'm so excited to be back and doing what I love by sowing seeds into the youth of today, and I even get to serve at youth with my best friend now because she's now a youth leader too, which made last night even more fun! Oh, she also makes seriously good coffee too! :D
Today I need to first acknowledge that my baby sister is no longer a teenager, as today is her 20th birthday, so happy birthday, Tess. Oh, break her heart and I break your face! Seriously, just ask her ex!
Anywho, I have a blog to write. Today my phone was stolen from the Perth Underground train station. I dropped it on the ground, heard it fall, went to pick it up and it was gone. It wasn't too busy, but there was still a fair few people around and I couldn't see clearly who may have picked it up. So, the second half of my afternoon was spent blocking my number, filing police reports, making statements and all that fun stuff that you do when your phone gets stolen. Although, on the positive, I do have insurance and so I will be getting a new phone within a couple of weeks.
This incident today made me think that when issues like this arise that seem to make us go from super happy to wanting to punch people in the face in two seconds flat, as much as we don't want to, we need to forgive and let it go. I let it rob my joy for a few hours until I realized that holding a grudge is like eating a lemon. Seriously, nobody except my niece enjoys eating a lemon. Forgiveness is not about the person that hurts us, but about us. I can say that I'm pretty sure the person who took my phone today hasn't thought about me twice since the incident. I've thought about them a lot. That just proves that I'm the one with the issue, not them. Yes it is an inconvenience not having a mobile phone for about two weeks, but I'm blessed that I have more than one method of communication such as Facebook and e-mail these days. Also, whatever happened to good old snail mail? It's like the only thing that comes through that these days are bills, which makes the mail-receiving thing not so fun. Letters are great and would make the mail getting thing a much more joyful experience for me!
It wasn't all bad today as I went to Little Willy's (my favourite coffee shop) and they asked where I'd been as they said they had missed me. I told them I'd been in hospital for a grand total of 155 days with a potentially life-threatening bone infection. Then, it was decided that today I would be getting my coffee for free because they missed me. Also, I was blown away that they still remembered how I like my coffee, even though I haven't been able to go there since November 2012. Now that is good service and just one reason why I keep going back there!
Well, I guess you can figure out from reading that I was at Perth Underground station that I am home from the hospital. To be fair, I got home Wednesday night but didn't want to make it public information until now. Last night was my first night back at youth and it absolutely blew me away with the amount of love that was in the place! Seriously, so much squealing was happening, but it was all good and there were more hugs than I can remember. I couldn't help but sit there in worship time and just watch with tears streaming down my face, knowing that I don't deserve this and that I'm only back at youth by God's grace. It was also a good reminder that Chris did the right thing last year by convincing me that my time in youth ministry is definitely not done, despite my physical condition in December last year when I called him and told him I was sick and will be stepping down permanently from being a youth leader. I'm absolutely humbled and thankful that I get to be a leader in the most amazing youth ministry ever, Metro Youth. I do not say that lightly either! I am so pumped for next week, but also slightly freaked as next Friday I will be sharing my personal life story. It's crazy because there is so much to tell and so I've got to figure out what the most important details of my life are that need to be shared. I'm so excited to be back and doing what I love by sowing seeds into the youth of today, and I even get to serve at youth with my best friend now because she's now a youth leader too, which made last night even more fun! Oh, she also makes seriously good coffee too! :D
Thursday, 20 June 2013
20-06-13
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Apologies for the lack of blogs these past few days. I've had a lot going on and haven't been able to figure out best how to write it all into a blog. Poor excuse, I know. Also, the other night I had started writing, but then fell unwell and decided it would be best just to rest and make sure I'm okay and sure enough, I'm much better.
I want to talk about what my old pastor, David Storer, calls dipsticks. He had a classic sermon entitled "Dipsticks" and it was all about those people who come into your life, bring all their baggage, negativity and drama, dump it all into your lap and then just leave you with the mess. Well, we all have those kinds of people in our lives and, to be fair, I'm probably guilty of doing it to some people as well. I think the only person in history who has never done that is Jesus himself.
I've been a tad grumpy and irritated lately because it's felt like I've had a lot of those kinds of people in my life, but when you're in hospital for an extended period, it's very easy to pre-judge and say everyone is the same. The truth is, that's only a small portion of the population and seriously, if we didn't dump our stuff sometimes, we'll get overwhelmed. Seriously, I thank God I've got people in my life who I can go to when I've got stuff going on. I do try as best I can to make sure it's not a one-way situation though and that as many of my relationships as possible are as transparent as can be, but still being appropriate, healthy relationships.
I think it's a good thing to prioritize your time and energy in the most positive places first. Then, you can be energetic and re-filled for when you see those in your life who you find a bit harder to be around. I don't think it's being a snob at all and I'm not saying to ignore those harder people, but we need to make sure we are strong first. Also, we don't get our strength from friends alone because the fact is, they don't have the ability to meet all of our personal needs, even if they are the most amazing person ever. We need to make sure we are going to God because he's our main source of strength for every area in our lives. I must be honest here and state I haven't done my best in that area of late and I think this is a main cause of my inconsistent moods of late.
As I said in a previous blog and I just haven't taken my own advice, do whatever you do to get refreshed. For me, it's usually having coffee with a good book and whatever music I'm in the mood for on the day. Sometimes I can feel better when I write some things down as well. Those things are good, but they are definitely no substitute for some Jesus time because he is the true source of strength. In short, I think that no matter how we are feeling, we need to make it a priority to do at least one fun thing that makes us happy and also have some Jesus time.
Apologies for the lack of blogs these past few days. I've had a lot going on and haven't been able to figure out best how to write it all into a blog. Poor excuse, I know. Also, the other night I had started writing, but then fell unwell and decided it would be best just to rest and make sure I'm okay and sure enough, I'm much better.
I want to talk about what my old pastor, David Storer, calls dipsticks. He had a classic sermon entitled "Dipsticks" and it was all about those people who come into your life, bring all their baggage, negativity and drama, dump it all into your lap and then just leave you with the mess. Well, we all have those kinds of people in our lives and, to be fair, I'm probably guilty of doing it to some people as well. I think the only person in history who has never done that is Jesus himself.
I've been a tad grumpy and irritated lately because it's felt like I've had a lot of those kinds of people in my life, but when you're in hospital for an extended period, it's very easy to pre-judge and say everyone is the same. The truth is, that's only a small portion of the population and seriously, if we didn't dump our stuff sometimes, we'll get overwhelmed. Seriously, I thank God I've got people in my life who I can go to when I've got stuff going on. I do try as best I can to make sure it's not a one-way situation though and that as many of my relationships as possible are as transparent as can be, but still being appropriate, healthy relationships.
I think it's a good thing to prioritize your time and energy in the most positive places first. Then, you can be energetic and re-filled for when you see those in your life who you find a bit harder to be around. I don't think it's being a snob at all and I'm not saying to ignore those harder people, but we need to make sure we are strong first. Also, we don't get our strength from friends alone because the fact is, they don't have the ability to meet all of our personal needs, even if they are the most amazing person ever. We need to make sure we are going to God because he's our main source of strength for every area in our lives. I must be honest here and state I haven't done my best in that area of late and I think this is a main cause of my inconsistent moods of late.
As I said in a previous blog and I just haven't taken my own advice, do whatever you do to get refreshed. For me, it's usually having coffee with a good book and whatever music I'm in the mood for on the day. Sometimes I can feel better when I write some things down as well. Those things are good, but they are definitely no substitute for some Jesus time because he is the true source of strength. In short, I think that no matter how we are feeling, we need to make it a priority to do at least one fun thing that makes us happy and also have some Jesus time.
Sunday, 16 June 2013
16-06-13
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Today was a reminder that my emotions can be very inconsistent, change in an instant and have no real bearing on the situation because they really are not an honest indicator of life. I woke feeling rather unwell today, with a fever, headache, sore throat and runny nose. Everything above my neck just simply hurt and felt gross. I was struggling to smile at all and just wanted to try and go back to sleep. However, I was awake and it's like once they realize that you're awake in here, they all come in at once to do all they need to do. It can be really annoying sometimes. Once I was awake, I got my phone to check the time and then checked my messages and my Facebook, as I do most mornings. I noticed on Facebook I had a notification from my best friend, Kathy, who had posted something to my timeline. I had no idea what to think because we rarely do that with each other. I looked and even though I was really struggling and everything inside me was feeling crappy, I managed to get a laugh and from that point onward, my emotions have been fairly good. It's amazing how one small thing such as a joke on Facebook from your best friend can make you feel better emotionally when you are not so great physically. It also helped me to start getting better physically being better emotionally.
After I got out of bed, I re-heated my coffee because it was cold and after that it was good. I then went outside, found a tree in a good spot and just put my head back while hugging my tiger and had a nap until lunch time. I stumbled in for lunch at 12 and even though all I felt like doing was having a nap, I ate all my lunch which was vegetable soup, roast pork and vegetables and an apple. I then went back outside because even though really I just wanted to go back to bed, I was meant to be up for seven hours today, from 11-6 and I wanted to push through because I want to see just how strong I really am at the moment. I did manage to stay out of bed until 6:00 pm. Anywho, while I was outside I sat next to one of the park benches. It was around this time that the catering staff started coming and sitting at that same bench to have their lunch. Even though I said I wouldn't, I need to do society a favour and make this next bit public information. One of the guys was being one of those annoying teenage kids at the back of the bus who is constantly flicking through every stupid song on their phone. Well, most of his music was tolerable and I didn't say much. That was until he decided to play "Baby" by Justin Bieber, loudly and do a very girly dance to it, complete with a duck-face. Let's just say my respect for him died right there. Na, it didn't really but it was definitely the funny part of my week. Don't worry Metro Youth, I made him do ten push-ups for his crime.
After that, I could not be seen with them anymore and conveniently it was afternoon tea time anyway and I was pleasantly surprised to notice one of my favourite kitchen staff, an Irish girl named Rachel was on this afternoon. She's just a genuinely lovely person who can't do enough for people and makes this place a nicer place to be. She doesn't normally work weekends so that's why it was really unexpected to see her today. Also, she knows exactly how I like my coffee and what kind of biscuits I like as well and it's just little things like that when you're not feeling too well that make me smile.
It was around this time I started to feel better physically and I'd got some fruit, fresh air and water into me as well and I'm sure that helped my situation. A few people were sitting around watching the footy and even though I wasn't really interested in it because it was Collingwood v Bulldogs, I watched it anyway because I had nothing better to do. Sure enough, as expected it was a one-sided contest and Collingwood won rather comfortably in the end. Oh, I must admit here that dinner came and I'm not usually one to complain about food, but it really was terrible tonight so I just had a piece of fruit. No, fruit is not code for chocolate today.
Then it would be time to get back to bed. Everything was fine with that but I went back a few minutes before six because six is when the staff go for their dinner break, so that's fair enough that they didn't want to eat into their assigned break time. Since that time, I've felt fine and well relaxed and have just been watching random stuff on television. I know, it's such an exciting life I'm living! Oh, in amongst that I did get a phone call from Mum that only she and probably Kathy could get away with. She calls me and said she needs me to transfer some money into her account right now so she can buy Chinese for dinner for her and my cousin. Well, she's my mother and so it's fine, but I found it hilarious when I asked if she'd bring me some and she initially said no. All was good in the end because she'd agreed to save me some considering I've paid for it.
Well it's late and tomorrow being Monday means I've got a big day ahead, so I'd better do my best to get some rest tonight.
Today was a reminder that my emotions can be very inconsistent, change in an instant and have no real bearing on the situation because they really are not an honest indicator of life. I woke feeling rather unwell today, with a fever, headache, sore throat and runny nose. Everything above my neck just simply hurt and felt gross. I was struggling to smile at all and just wanted to try and go back to sleep. However, I was awake and it's like once they realize that you're awake in here, they all come in at once to do all they need to do. It can be really annoying sometimes. Once I was awake, I got my phone to check the time and then checked my messages and my Facebook, as I do most mornings. I noticed on Facebook I had a notification from my best friend, Kathy, who had posted something to my timeline. I had no idea what to think because we rarely do that with each other. I looked and even though I was really struggling and everything inside me was feeling crappy, I managed to get a laugh and from that point onward, my emotions have been fairly good. It's amazing how one small thing such as a joke on Facebook from your best friend can make you feel better emotionally when you are not so great physically. It also helped me to start getting better physically being better emotionally.
After I got out of bed, I re-heated my coffee because it was cold and after that it was good. I then went outside, found a tree in a good spot and just put my head back while hugging my tiger and had a nap until lunch time. I stumbled in for lunch at 12 and even though all I felt like doing was having a nap, I ate all my lunch which was vegetable soup, roast pork and vegetables and an apple. I then went back outside because even though really I just wanted to go back to bed, I was meant to be up for seven hours today, from 11-6 and I wanted to push through because I want to see just how strong I really am at the moment. I did manage to stay out of bed until 6:00 pm. Anywho, while I was outside I sat next to one of the park benches. It was around this time that the catering staff started coming and sitting at that same bench to have their lunch. Even though I said I wouldn't, I need to do society a favour and make this next bit public information. One of the guys was being one of those annoying teenage kids at the back of the bus who is constantly flicking through every stupid song on their phone. Well, most of his music was tolerable and I didn't say much. That was until he decided to play "Baby" by Justin Bieber, loudly and do a very girly dance to it, complete with a duck-face. Let's just say my respect for him died right there. Na, it didn't really but it was definitely the funny part of my week. Don't worry Metro Youth, I made him do ten push-ups for his crime.
After that, I could not be seen with them anymore and conveniently it was afternoon tea time anyway and I was pleasantly surprised to notice one of my favourite kitchen staff, an Irish girl named Rachel was on this afternoon. She's just a genuinely lovely person who can't do enough for people and makes this place a nicer place to be. She doesn't normally work weekends so that's why it was really unexpected to see her today. Also, she knows exactly how I like my coffee and what kind of biscuits I like as well and it's just little things like that when you're not feeling too well that make me smile.
It was around this time I started to feel better physically and I'd got some fruit, fresh air and water into me as well and I'm sure that helped my situation. A few people were sitting around watching the footy and even though I wasn't really interested in it because it was Collingwood v Bulldogs, I watched it anyway because I had nothing better to do. Sure enough, as expected it was a one-sided contest and Collingwood won rather comfortably in the end. Oh, I must admit here that dinner came and I'm not usually one to complain about food, but it really was terrible tonight so I just had a piece of fruit. No, fruit is not code for chocolate today.
Then it would be time to get back to bed. Everything was fine with that but I went back a few minutes before six because six is when the staff go for their dinner break, so that's fair enough that they didn't want to eat into their assigned break time. Since that time, I've felt fine and well relaxed and have just been watching random stuff on television. I know, it's such an exciting life I'm living! Oh, in amongst that I did get a phone call from Mum that only she and probably Kathy could get away with. She calls me and said she needs me to transfer some money into her account right now so she can buy Chinese for dinner for her and my cousin. Well, she's my mother and so it's fine, but I found it hilarious when I asked if she'd bring me some and she initially said no. All was good in the end because she'd agreed to save me some considering I've paid for it.
Well it's late and tomorrow being Monday means I've got a big day ahead, so I'd better do my best to get some rest tonight.
Saturday, 15 June 2013
15-06-13
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Thank goodness today was a Saturday! Physically, I just didn't feel up for anything at all today. Sure, I woke up around 8:30 but I have been sore and tired all day. I did get pretty decent sleep last night, so that was not to blame. It's just the after-effects of a big week that seems to have taken it all right out of me today. I still managed to be up and out of bed by 10 this morning, which is apparently early around here. Around 11, Aunty Coral came in with coffee and this chocolate thing I like. She ended up staying for a while and I appreciated her thinking this week. I've been annoyed that the medical team said I can't go home just yet, but she said that they know what they're doing and that it's best to be overly cautious now than to go home, something goes wrong and have to return again. Well, that makes a lot of sense because once I'm out of here, I'm so not coming back unless I'm dying and I don't plan on doing that for a long time yet. It was rather funny that she assumed footy was on because I was wearing my Freo scarf. I was simply wearing it and sitting right under the heater because I was that cold this morning. I attempted to go outside, got two metres out the door and simply thought, stuff that. So I went back inside, turned my heater on and sat there.
Not long after my aunt left, it would be lunch time and being Saturday, not many others were up either and so I had lunch in peace and quiet and I'm thankful for that today. Lunch was good too, as I had lamb chops, vegies and fried rice. However, I was meant to be up until 5:00 today (seven hours) but was too tired and sore and so I ended up going back to bed at around 1:00. I wasn't sleepy and so I didn't try napping but I just watched the V8's while resting and waiting for 3:00 when the Dockers game would come on. I watched the game and was less than impressed. That is a harsh thing to say about the team I've followed since day one, but it's honest. They came out very flat as though they were just going to have this game handed to them and seem to have underestimated Brisbane. I'd say they were lucky to lead at the first break. Finally in the second half they managed to kick away a bit and show their class to register a 40 point win and with no reports or injuries and returning off a bye, I guess that will do. Unfortunately with Essendon winning, it means they stay fifth despite the win, but it's okay because Essendon have the bye next week and so we should catch them up then.
With impeccable timing as she seems to have, Shona arrived within about five minutes of the game ending. She thought she'd interrupted me watching the game and even though I wouldn't care if she did because she's one of my favourites, she was relieved when I said it was over. She stayed for about an hour and a half and she's the kind of person who I can really talk to properly about real life, so that was really good and hers is definitely a two-way friendship. I shared some of my lollies and chocolate with her because God knows we both need it this week. Oh, as I mentioned recently, I am trying to get soft toys for my closest female friends and although it wasn't exactly a soft toy, Shona gave me a little red squeaky lion thing. It's really funny and because it came from her, I will hold onto it and put it in the same bracket as Zoe's rabbit, Sarah's Elmo and Kathy's tiger, which seems to have disappeared. It better turn up in the near future! It couldn't have gone far because I know I had it earlier today.
My evening was good because as I just mentioned, Shona came into visit. After she left because like me, she's had a big week and needed to get home to bed, I checked and saw the second half of the Suns v Bombers game and as expected, the Bombers won fairly comfortably in the end. Although, it may have been a bit closer because the Suns were unlucky to get some injuries in that game. After that game, I found The Dark Knight on nine and have been watching it ever since. So today has been a very relaxing day with not much going on at all, but as my aunty said earlier, some days you just need to stop and rest, so that's what I've done.
Thank goodness today was a Saturday! Physically, I just didn't feel up for anything at all today. Sure, I woke up around 8:30 but I have been sore and tired all day. I did get pretty decent sleep last night, so that was not to blame. It's just the after-effects of a big week that seems to have taken it all right out of me today. I still managed to be up and out of bed by 10 this morning, which is apparently early around here. Around 11, Aunty Coral came in with coffee and this chocolate thing I like. She ended up staying for a while and I appreciated her thinking this week. I've been annoyed that the medical team said I can't go home just yet, but she said that they know what they're doing and that it's best to be overly cautious now than to go home, something goes wrong and have to return again. Well, that makes a lot of sense because once I'm out of here, I'm so not coming back unless I'm dying and I don't plan on doing that for a long time yet. It was rather funny that she assumed footy was on because I was wearing my Freo scarf. I was simply wearing it and sitting right under the heater because I was that cold this morning. I attempted to go outside, got two metres out the door and simply thought, stuff that. So I went back inside, turned my heater on and sat there.
Not long after my aunt left, it would be lunch time and being Saturday, not many others were up either and so I had lunch in peace and quiet and I'm thankful for that today. Lunch was good too, as I had lamb chops, vegies and fried rice. However, I was meant to be up until 5:00 today (seven hours) but was too tired and sore and so I ended up going back to bed at around 1:00. I wasn't sleepy and so I didn't try napping but I just watched the V8's while resting and waiting for 3:00 when the Dockers game would come on. I watched the game and was less than impressed. That is a harsh thing to say about the team I've followed since day one, but it's honest. They came out very flat as though they were just going to have this game handed to them and seem to have underestimated Brisbane. I'd say they were lucky to lead at the first break. Finally in the second half they managed to kick away a bit and show their class to register a 40 point win and with no reports or injuries and returning off a bye, I guess that will do. Unfortunately with Essendon winning, it means they stay fifth despite the win, but it's okay because Essendon have the bye next week and so we should catch them up then.
With impeccable timing as she seems to have, Shona arrived within about five minutes of the game ending. She thought she'd interrupted me watching the game and even though I wouldn't care if she did because she's one of my favourites, she was relieved when I said it was over. She stayed for about an hour and a half and she's the kind of person who I can really talk to properly about real life, so that was really good and hers is definitely a two-way friendship. I shared some of my lollies and chocolate with her because God knows we both need it this week. Oh, as I mentioned recently, I am trying to get soft toys for my closest female friends and although it wasn't exactly a soft toy, Shona gave me a little red squeaky lion thing. It's really funny and because it came from her, I will hold onto it and put it in the same bracket as Zoe's rabbit, Sarah's Elmo and Kathy's tiger, which seems to have disappeared. It better turn up in the near future! It couldn't have gone far because I know I had it earlier today.
My evening was good because as I just mentioned, Shona came into visit. After she left because like me, she's had a big week and needed to get home to bed, I checked and saw the second half of the Suns v Bombers game and as expected, the Bombers won fairly comfortably in the end. Although, it may have been a bit closer because the Suns were unlucky to get some injuries in that game. After that game, I found The Dark Knight on nine and have been watching it ever since. So today has been a very relaxing day with not much going on at all, but as my aunty said earlier, some days you just need to stop and rest, so that's what I've done.
Friday, 14 June 2013
14-06-13
Friday, June 14, 2013
Today would have been the 25th birthday of the most inspiring person to have ever entered my life and yes, that is a big call and I make it without exception and I don't think anyone who has known Zoe will disagree with that kind of statement. We only spent just under two years in friendship, but we got to know each other very quickly and became the best of friends. We were so close that we could look at each other from across the room and know what the other was thinking. I could go three days without talking to her and she would know what was going on with me, without checking social media. She absolutely knew what it was to struggle medically because of her own battle with cystic fibrosis and this is why I do what I can to help with Cystic Fibrosis WA. I made a promise to her only a few weeks before she passed away that I would do everything within my power to punch that disease right in it's ugly face. The most disappointing part about today is simply that it is her birthday and I am stuck in that one place we both know and hate so well: hospital. Considering it is her birthday, it means I've listened to TFK, Glee and Stan Walker, drank Coke and noticed ALL the purple around the place. One thing I always found funny with Zoe though is that considering she loved purple, she hated the Dockers with a passion and their main colour is purple. She told me her theory with that is because she was born in 1988 and the Dockers came out seven years later, in 1995 and so they theoretically stole her favourite colour. Well, that was her theory and she stuck to it.
I woke up feeling okay about it all, but then I checked my phone and noticed a message from Shona asking me how I am and then I was awake enough to remember what today was. The morning was tough because as I said above, it felt like there was purple everywhere. Also, people were really slow today for some reason and it didn't help the situation that I was completely missed at morning tea. However, as I made mention yesterday, I do understand how these things can happen sometimes and so it wasn't too big an issue. Lunch was the usual fish on Friday and I don't mean to sound like I'm discriminating, but I do think someone is Catholic or maybe there is just enough of a Catholic following in Perth because it is a Catholic thing to have fish on Fridays.
After lunch, I had some vanilla Coke even though I don't like it because that was Zoe's favourite drink and she would want us to have some on her birthday. Then I made my way to physio because Peter told me he wanted everyone in and out because they wanted to go home, which I think is a reasonable request on a Friday. I went in there and was rather happy to have Bruce with me today who is that nice guy who is really positive and encouraging that I was talking about a few days ago. Again he was happy with my effort today and today I actually went up from 10 kgs on the machine to 15 kgs with my upper-body weights, so I must be doing something right. Although, I'm a tad confused because I then went to weigh myself on the scales and somehow in the space of four days I have lost 400 grams. Well, that's just a good excuse to keep eating more. I am feeling a little sore after that though and so I am happy that it's now the weekend and I can relax knowing Peter won't be nagging me for the next two days.
The evening was spent as most Friday nights have been lately, with Friday night football. I figured it would be a smashing because Hawthorn have looked scary good this season, beating all of the finals teams from last season, except Geelong. However, Carlton had other ideas and came out and played well. At half time, it looked like they were actually going to cause an upset and win. Hawthorn then adjusted a couple of things, lifted their instensity, Carlton dropped off and then Hawthorn ended up winning what was a close game in the end, which meant it was an entertaining evening and I got a tip right to start the weekend. Also, being Friday, I noticed we had CNN tonight and I do miss it so much. I really hope all my guys in the 11s and 12s are doing well at the moment. Well, I will just keep on doing all that I can to get back and I'm sure I will see them soon.
Before I finish for today, I need to publicly thank Shona, Brian, Kathy and Sarah. Those four people have kept me smiling today, on what is one of the hardest days for me on the calendar. Each of these are significant people in my life for way too many reasons than I can be bothered listing here because you'll simply get bored. Therefore I'm just going to say thanks to each of them for being some of the most selfless, caring people I know and for being there for me when it matters. I've got bulk love for all of you.
Today would have been the 25th birthday of the most inspiring person to have ever entered my life and yes, that is a big call and I make it without exception and I don't think anyone who has known Zoe will disagree with that kind of statement. We only spent just under two years in friendship, but we got to know each other very quickly and became the best of friends. We were so close that we could look at each other from across the room and know what the other was thinking. I could go three days without talking to her and she would know what was going on with me, without checking social media. She absolutely knew what it was to struggle medically because of her own battle with cystic fibrosis and this is why I do what I can to help with Cystic Fibrosis WA. I made a promise to her only a few weeks before she passed away that I would do everything within my power to punch that disease right in it's ugly face. The most disappointing part about today is simply that it is her birthday and I am stuck in that one place we both know and hate so well: hospital. Considering it is her birthday, it means I've listened to TFK, Glee and Stan Walker, drank Coke and noticed ALL the purple around the place. One thing I always found funny with Zoe though is that considering she loved purple, she hated the Dockers with a passion and their main colour is purple. She told me her theory with that is because she was born in 1988 and the Dockers came out seven years later, in 1995 and so they theoretically stole her favourite colour. Well, that was her theory and she stuck to it.
I woke up feeling okay about it all, but then I checked my phone and noticed a message from Shona asking me how I am and then I was awake enough to remember what today was. The morning was tough because as I said above, it felt like there was purple everywhere. Also, people were really slow today for some reason and it didn't help the situation that I was completely missed at morning tea. However, as I made mention yesterday, I do understand how these things can happen sometimes and so it wasn't too big an issue. Lunch was the usual fish on Friday and I don't mean to sound like I'm discriminating, but I do think someone is Catholic or maybe there is just enough of a Catholic following in Perth because it is a Catholic thing to have fish on Fridays.
After lunch, I had some vanilla Coke even though I don't like it because that was Zoe's favourite drink and she would want us to have some on her birthday. Then I made my way to physio because Peter told me he wanted everyone in and out because they wanted to go home, which I think is a reasonable request on a Friday. I went in there and was rather happy to have Bruce with me today who is that nice guy who is really positive and encouraging that I was talking about a few days ago. Again he was happy with my effort today and today I actually went up from 10 kgs on the machine to 15 kgs with my upper-body weights, so I must be doing something right. Although, I'm a tad confused because I then went to weigh myself on the scales and somehow in the space of four days I have lost 400 grams. Well, that's just a good excuse to keep eating more. I am feeling a little sore after that though and so I am happy that it's now the weekend and I can relax knowing Peter won't be nagging me for the next two days.
The evening was spent as most Friday nights have been lately, with Friday night football. I figured it would be a smashing because Hawthorn have looked scary good this season, beating all of the finals teams from last season, except Geelong. However, Carlton had other ideas and came out and played well. At half time, it looked like they were actually going to cause an upset and win. Hawthorn then adjusted a couple of things, lifted their instensity, Carlton dropped off and then Hawthorn ended up winning what was a close game in the end, which meant it was an entertaining evening and I got a tip right to start the weekend. Also, being Friday, I noticed we had CNN tonight and I do miss it so much. I really hope all my guys in the 11s and 12s are doing well at the moment. Well, I will just keep on doing all that I can to get back and I'm sure I will see them soon.
Before I finish for today, I need to publicly thank Shona, Brian, Kathy and Sarah. Those four people have kept me smiling today, on what is one of the hardest days for me on the calendar. Each of these are significant people in my life for way too many reasons than I can be bothered listing here because you'll simply get bored. Therefore I'm just going to say thanks to each of them for being some of the most selfless, caring people I know and for being there for me when it matters. I've got bulk love for all of you.
Thursday, 13 June 2013
13-06-13
Thursday, June 13, 2013
I need to start today with being direct and honest. Well, when am I not? I started this morning with kicking myself and beating myself up over the way I reacted to my doctor telling me I'm at least two more weeks away from going home. However, I came to realize later in the day that there are enough people and circumstances in life to kick you around and so you don't need to do it to yourself.
With the help of good sleep, Switchfoot, yummy food, Jesus time and some hugs, today was a lot better than yesterday. Sure, this morning was a bit slow and annoying because apparently they were busy but I know for a fact Thursdays are not busy, just the person looking after me is a slow worker. She's not a person who doesn't care and she isn't bad at her job, just slow. Therefore I didn't get out of bed until 11:45, so not even enough time to get outside before lunch would arrive today. That wasn't really a bad thing though because I wasn't feeling too awake still as I'd had no coffee because for some reason they missed me this morning. Well, it happens sometimes and when you realize that one person is responsible for making all of the drinks for every person, you begin to understand that sometimes mistakes do happen without intention.
I honestly can't remember what was for lunch, but it couldn't have been terrible or it would have stuck in my mind. Finally, I managed to get outside and it was so good today.Then, this is where the hugs and yummy food were happening because it was Sheila's birthday today. Sheila is a lovely staff member from South Africa and she loves Jesus heaps. She's said to me previously that I am like her white Australian son that she never had. Seriously, as one other guy said today, you can't help but have your mood lifted when Sheila is looking after you. We had chocolate and caramel cheesecake, pies, spring rolls, sausage rolls and it was all homemade, nothing store-bought. Also, in reference to the hugs, it's apparently unprofessional for patients and staff to hug, but that went right out of the window today with Sheila's birthday. She gave everyone a hug and so the other staff joined in and there were hugs all round today. Hopefully this is the start of a new thing here because if you ask me, NOT hugging is unprofessional! Oh, I guess I need to mention here that during the eating of the cake, the stupidest action of the day award went to myself. I wasn't concentrating on what I was doing. I thought there was cake already on my metal fork, didn't have my mouth open very much and managed to stab myself with my fork in my gums and make myself bleed enough to require medical attention. All is fine and dandy now and I managed to talk my way out of getting stitches.
After all that, my mood was definitely lifting. It wasn't fine, but definitely better than it had been previously. After all the mess was cleaned up, both of the birthday shindig and my injury, I went back outside and just stopped for a few minutes. There is one spot outside where if I position my chair properly, I am in the sunlight, looking at some great flowers and not looking at any medical buildings, so I'm feeling like I'm somewhere else, for a few minutes at least. I grabbed my iPod, turned my phone off and just sat there with some Switchfoot. My mood then came right back to normal and after some Switchfoot, I had some good Jesus time and gave the entirity of yesterday's situation into God's hands. Seriously, when you're in a situation like that, who do you believe? God, or the doctor? God has kept me alive and prevented death 20+ times at least. Sure, medical science and doctors have done well for me, but they haven't shown the faithfulness that my God has shown.
After my afternoon tea coffee and having a renewed mood, I made my way over to the physio gym, with a keen focus on making up for my no-show yesterday. Sure, I did nothing different with my weights sets, but on the hand-bike, I was told to do 100 revolutions. I looked Peter in the eye and said I will raise him to 500. I ended up doing 1000. Sure, I practically fell out of the gym and into my bed and absolutely stunk of body odour, but I did it because you should never poke a bear in the eye because when he gets back up, you're dead. That's what yesterday felt like to me and today I got back up. Today I wanted to make amends for yesterday and I feel like I managed to do that. Even Peter who is a hard man, said it was good today, so I'm happy. Now the important thing is to remain consistent with that kind of effort and to be fair, even though they didn't state why, I think my inconsistency with that could be one reason I am not going home just yet. Therefore I am going to do all I can with eating properly, resting, going to physio and then I will know I am doing all that I can to look after myself. Then, I know God will do the rest.
The evening hasn't had much, just the standard boring stuff on television and the eating of chocolate. In closing, I must admit mixed feelings ahead of tomorrow as it would have been Zoe Johnston's 25th birthday. It's good because I know she has a perfectly healthy body in heaven and is pain-free, but it would be cool to be celebrating her birthday with her tomorrow. Well, I know she's happy and will be having a good party in heaven and even though I don't like it, I will do my best to have a vanilla Coke for her tomorrow.
I need to start today with being direct and honest. Well, when am I not? I started this morning with kicking myself and beating myself up over the way I reacted to my doctor telling me I'm at least two more weeks away from going home. However, I came to realize later in the day that there are enough people and circumstances in life to kick you around and so you don't need to do it to yourself.
With the help of good sleep, Switchfoot, yummy food, Jesus time and some hugs, today was a lot better than yesterday. Sure, this morning was a bit slow and annoying because apparently they were busy but I know for a fact Thursdays are not busy, just the person looking after me is a slow worker. She's not a person who doesn't care and she isn't bad at her job, just slow. Therefore I didn't get out of bed until 11:45, so not even enough time to get outside before lunch would arrive today. That wasn't really a bad thing though because I wasn't feeling too awake still as I'd had no coffee because for some reason they missed me this morning. Well, it happens sometimes and when you realize that one person is responsible for making all of the drinks for every person, you begin to understand that sometimes mistakes do happen without intention.
I honestly can't remember what was for lunch, but it couldn't have been terrible or it would have stuck in my mind. Finally, I managed to get outside and it was so good today.Then, this is where the hugs and yummy food were happening because it was Sheila's birthday today. Sheila is a lovely staff member from South Africa and she loves Jesus heaps. She's said to me previously that I am like her white Australian son that she never had. Seriously, as one other guy said today, you can't help but have your mood lifted when Sheila is looking after you. We had chocolate and caramel cheesecake, pies, spring rolls, sausage rolls and it was all homemade, nothing store-bought. Also, in reference to the hugs, it's apparently unprofessional for patients and staff to hug, but that went right out of the window today with Sheila's birthday. She gave everyone a hug and so the other staff joined in and there were hugs all round today. Hopefully this is the start of a new thing here because if you ask me, NOT hugging is unprofessional! Oh, I guess I need to mention here that during the eating of the cake, the stupidest action of the day award went to myself. I wasn't concentrating on what I was doing. I thought there was cake already on my metal fork, didn't have my mouth open very much and managed to stab myself with my fork in my gums and make myself bleed enough to require medical attention. All is fine and dandy now and I managed to talk my way out of getting stitches.
After all that, my mood was definitely lifting. It wasn't fine, but definitely better than it had been previously. After all the mess was cleaned up, both of the birthday shindig and my injury, I went back outside and just stopped for a few minutes. There is one spot outside where if I position my chair properly, I am in the sunlight, looking at some great flowers and not looking at any medical buildings, so I'm feeling like I'm somewhere else, for a few minutes at least. I grabbed my iPod, turned my phone off and just sat there with some Switchfoot. My mood then came right back to normal and after some Switchfoot, I had some good Jesus time and gave the entirity of yesterday's situation into God's hands. Seriously, when you're in a situation like that, who do you believe? God, or the doctor? God has kept me alive and prevented death 20+ times at least. Sure, medical science and doctors have done well for me, but they haven't shown the faithfulness that my God has shown.
After my afternoon tea coffee and having a renewed mood, I made my way over to the physio gym, with a keen focus on making up for my no-show yesterday. Sure, I did nothing different with my weights sets, but on the hand-bike, I was told to do 100 revolutions. I looked Peter in the eye and said I will raise him to 500. I ended up doing 1000. Sure, I practically fell out of the gym and into my bed and absolutely stunk of body odour, but I did it because you should never poke a bear in the eye because when he gets back up, you're dead. That's what yesterday felt like to me and today I got back up. Today I wanted to make amends for yesterday and I feel like I managed to do that. Even Peter who is a hard man, said it was good today, so I'm happy. Now the important thing is to remain consistent with that kind of effort and to be fair, even though they didn't state why, I think my inconsistency with that could be one reason I am not going home just yet. Therefore I am going to do all I can with eating properly, resting, going to physio and then I will know I am doing all that I can to look after myself. Then, I know God will do the rest.
The evening hasn't had much, just the standard boring stuff on television and the eating of chocolate. In closing, I must admit mixed feelings ahead of tomorrow as it would have been Zoe Johnston's 25th birthday. It's good because I know she has a perfectly healthy body in heaven and is pain-free, but it would be cool to be celebrating her birthday with her tomorrow. Well, I know she's happy and will be having a good party in heaven and even though I don't like it, I will do my best to have a vanilla Coke for her tomorrow.
Wednesday, 12 June 2013
12-06-13
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Yesterday I made a reference to hitting brick walls. Well, today was not much different at all. If there was one difference, it's the effect of the brick wall was a million times harder than yesterday. Today was a good day, but then I got out of bed and it all went down the drain. If you are looking for positivity and a blog about how I'm going to dominate and change the world, it is not today. It was not a good day and to be honest, I couldn't even fake it today.
It started with me finally getting out of bed because Wednesdays are typically busy here with it being doctor day all around. So I was not getting out of bed any time before 10:30 today and that proved to be true. At 10:50, I attempted to shower but the guy I share a bathroom with slept in and told me he had an appointment at 11:00 and so he needed to shower and right then. Being in a fairly good mood, I didn't mind and told him I'd just have a wash and he takes priority, but that he should tell me these things and plan his time better in the future so that we are both not inconvenienced.
So I was already a bit frustrated and had only just got out of bed. Then, only a few minutes after getting out of bed, I noticed the doctors were in and so I stayed there instead of going outside because they did want to see me. This was where my day really hit the fan. You see, if you've been reading the past couple of days, they were really happy and I was going to be going home in the next few days. However, they told me today I am not quite ready and although they were not specific, they said I will not be going home for at least another week or two, possibly more. I've heard statements like that many times in my life where medical professionals have changed their minds at the last second and it usually just rolls off my shoulders. Today was very different and to be fair, I'm rather disappointed with myself for reacting the way I did. I immediately froze, turned my phone to silent and went outside. I couldn't hold back the emotion of the situation and the tears just rolled. I've done everything I have been asked for five long months of hell and now it feels like they just keep finding the most miniscule reason to keep me in hospital. Well, I am so tired of it and all I want now is just to go home and they won't let me and they aren't even telling me exactly why.
If that's not enough for one day, I obviously was not feeling up to going to physio today. Peter was in the hall way and saw me sitting there. He told me it's not good enough, how useless I am and how much I need to lift my game and to harden up. I simply didn't say anything to him because I feared if I did, I may have lost my temper today, so I bit my tongue. I then went outside, as far in the bush as I could and just sat there until I needed to come back in for dinner, which I didn't touch anyway because it looked terrible.
To make things worse, the one person who can understand my situation today can't help because she's in heaven. Zoe would totally be a decent help to me today and even though a couple of people did try and help, and I do appreciate the efforts, today was just horrible because it felt like I couldn't find anyone who could truly relate to how tired I am right now. Well, it may only be early but I'm ready for bed because today just needs to end.
Yesterday I made a reference to hitting brick walls. Well, today was not much different at all. If there was one difference, it's the effect of the brick wall was a million times harder than yesterday. Today was a good day, but then I got out of bed and it all went down the drain. If you are looking for positivity and a blog about how I'm going to dominate and change the world, it is not today. It was not a good day and to be honest, I couldn't even fake it today.
It started with me finally getting out of bed because Wednesdays are typically busy here with it being doctor day all around. So I was not getting out of bed any time before 10:30 today and that proved to be true. At 10:50, I attempted to shower but the guy I share a bathroom with slept in and told me he had an appointment at 11:00 and so he needed to shower and right then. Being in a fairly good mood, I didn't mind and told him I'd just have a wash and he takes priority, but that he should tell me these things and plan his time better in the future so that we are both not inconvenienced.
So I was already a bit frustrated and had only just got out of bed. Then, only a few minutes after getting out of bed, I noticed the doctors were in and so I stayed there instead of going outside because they did want to see me. This was where my day really hit the fan. You see, if you've been reading the past couple of days, they were really happy and I was going to be going home in the next few days. However, they told me today I am not quite ready and although they were not specific, they said I will not be going home for at least another week or two, possibly more. I've heard statements like that many times in my life where medical professionals have changed their minds at the last second and it usually just rolls off my shoulders. Today was very different and to be fair, I'm rather disappointed with myself for reacting the way I did. I immediately froze, turned my phone to silent and went outside. I couldn't hold back the emotion of the situation and the tears just rolled. I've done everything I have been asked for five long months of hell and now it feels like they just keep finding the most miniscule reason to keep me in hospital. Well, I am so tired of it and all I want now is just to go home and they won't let me and they aren't even telling me exactly why.
If that's not enough for one day, I obviously was not feeling up to going to physio today. Peter was in the hall way and saw me sitting there. He told me it's not good enough, how useless I am and how much I need to lift my game and to harden up. I simply didn't say anything to him because I feared if I did, I may have lost my temper today, so I bit my tongue. I then went outside, as far in the bush as I could and just sat there until I needed to come back in for dinner, which I didn't touch anyway because it looked terrible.
To make things worse, the one person who can understand my situation today can't help because she's in heaven. Zoe would totally be a decent help to me today and even though a couple of people did try and help, and I do appreciate the efforts, today was just horrible because it felt like I couldn't find anyone who could truly relate to how tired I am right now. Well, it may only be early but I'm ready for bed because today just needs to end.
Tuesday, 11 June 2013
11-06-13
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Brick walls can be great, they can be horrible. They can keep us safe from storms and they can hit us right in the face. Lately I have experienced both extremes of these, but today was definitely the latter of the two.
In a strange turn of events for me, my morning turned out to be the best part of my day. I got some decent sleep, had a good breakfast and woke up to some decent staff. Trust me, decent staff make a shift in hospital so much easier than terrible staff who either don't know what they are doing or don't care about what they are doing. However, when you get some of those rare people who both care about what they are doing because they remember you are a human with feelings and they know what they are doing, it's amazing and something to be thankful for. I've finally made an agreement with the guy next door whom I share a bathroom with, Jeff, as to good times to use the bathroom because it's not fair I miss out completely, but neither of us should need to sacrifice our sleep either. We worked out a good plan and this morning, we were both able to do what was needed. Although, everyone said to me today, even people not here at the hospital, that this morning just flew by and before we all knew it, it would be lunch time. I got outside and chilled in the sun for a bit, grabbed an iced coffee from a little lunch bar next door and then came back because lunch was about to be served.
Everyone would then start staring at me because my phone rang. It was Kathy and I immediately smiled like a tool because I haven't seen or spoken to her properly for a while because she's been busy with real life. I may have also fist-pumped at this time. She just happened to call just as lunch was being served and the staff looked at me as if to ask if I'm going to eat my lunch and talk. I gave them a look that said no, best friend > food. After I'd spoken to her, I then got to my lunch, which was an Asian style grilled fish with vegies and I found it really good. Also, I've found recently there is one guy who works in the kitchen and he makes the best coffees out of everyone on staff. Everyone else either makes it strong and cold, or hot and weak. However, he makes them both hot and strong, like all coffee should be. So then that meant after I'd eaten lunch I had a decent amount of energy, so I went to physio. This is where my fun would stop for the day.
I got through most of my session fine and they were once again happy with my effort. I need to mention here for those that don't know, I've got a real bad needle phobia. One of the other patients has been particularly unwell for the past week or so and there was a nurse with her in the gym today, which isn't unusual to see in a hospital, so I didn't think anything of it. However, I caught the sight of her receiving a blood test while I was just finishing. I immediately jumped and started freaking out. I'm not normally as bad as I was today, especially when I'm not the one receiving the blood test. My pulse started racing. I immediately felt dizzy and ended up going outside and well, that's where my lunch ended up. I am happy to have got through the session, but I was supposed to be up for another two hours, until 4:30, but ended up being back in bed feeling unwell by 2:30. I went to sleep and woke at around 4:00. The nurse on this afternoon asked if I'd like to get back up this evening, but I simply said it isn't worth risking it considering I've been a bit unwell. Therefore I just lied in bed watching the afternoon cartoons, news and after that anything else I could find to pass the time really. That's also a pretty good way to sum up my evening as well. I'm feeling much better and I am okay now. I've been drinking lots of water and eaten some fruit and did get my dinner down so I think I'm good.
In the end, although I feel like I hit a brick wall today, I still managed to do what was required and so I guess I am still one day closer to getting home. Also, speaking to best friend is always a good thing! However, just keep those needles away from me please!
Brick walls can be great, they can be horrible. They can keep us safe from storms and they can hit us right in the face. Lately I have experienced both extremes of these, but today was definitely the latter of the two.
In a strange turn of events for me, my morning turned out to be the best part of my day. I got some decent sleep, had a good breakfast and woke up to some decent staff. Trust me, decent staff make a shift in hospital so much easier than terrible staff who either don't know what they are doing or don't care about what they are doing. However, when you get some of those rare people who both care about what they are doing because they remember you are a human with feelings and they know what they are doing, it's amazing and something to be thankful for. I've finally made an agreement with the guy next door whom I share a bathroom with, Jeff, as to good times to use the bathroom because it's not fair I miss out completely, but neither of us should need to sacrifice our sleep either. We worked out a good plan and this morning, we were both able to do what was needed. Although, everyone said to me today, even people not here at the hospital, that this morning just flew by and before we all knew it, it would be lunch time. I got outside and chilled in the sun for a bit, grabbed an iced coffee from a little lunch bar next door and then came back because lunch was about to be served.
Everyone would then start staring at me because my phone rang. It was Kathy and I immediately smiled like a tool because I haven't seen or spoken to her properly for a while because she's been busy with real life. I may have also fist-pumped at this time. She just happened to call just as lunch was being served and the staff looked at me as if to ask if I'm going to eat my lunch and talk. I gave them a look that said no, best friend > food. After I'd spoken to her, I then got to my lunch, which was an Asian style grilled fish with vegies and I found it really good. Also, I've found recently there is one guy who works in the kitchen and he makes the best coffees out of everyone on staff. Everyone else either makes it strong and cold, or hot and weak. However, he makes them both hot and strong, like all coffee should be. So then that meant after I'd eaten lunch I had a decent amount of energy, so I went to physio. This is where my fun would stop for the day.
I got through most of my session fine and they were once again happy with my effort. I need to mention here for those that don't know, I've got a real bad needle phobia. One of the other patients has been particularly unwell for the past week or so and there was a nurse with her in the gym today, which isn't unusual to see in a hospital, so I didn't think anything of it. However, I caught the sight of her receiving a blood test while I was just finishing. I immediately jumped and started freaking out. I'm not normally as bad as I was today, especially when I'm not the one receiving the blood test. My pulse started racing. I immediately felt dizzy and ended up going outside and well, that's where my lunch ended up. I am happy to have got through the session, but I was supposed to be up for another two hours, until 4:30, but ended up being back in bed feeling unwell by 2:30. I went to sleep and woke at around 4:00. The nurse on this afternoon asked if I'd like to get back up this evening, but I simply said it isn't worth risking it considering I've been a bit unwell. Therefore I just lied in bed watching the afternoon cartoons, news and after that anything else I could find to pass the time really. That's also a pretty good way to sum up my evening as well. I'm feeling much better and I am okay now. I've been drinking lots of water and eaten some fruit and did get my dinner down so I think I'm good.
In the end, although I feel like I hit a brick wall today, I still managed to do what was required and so I guess I am still one day closer to getting home. Also, speaking to best friend is always a good thing! However, just keep those needles away from me please!
Monday, 10 June 2013
10-06-13
Monday, June 10, 2013
Most people, none of my friends of course, automatically hate on Mondays simply because it's the start of the working week. Seriously, that's such a lame, negative attitude to have and it means your day is going to suck, just because it's a Monday. Really? At least let something happen before you decide how your day is going to turn out. Well, you know what? I like Monday because it's the start of a new week and especially when you're in hospital, it presents new challenges and more action. Being a Monday, I woke to the sight of coffee and a bacon and egg sandwich. Seriously, I could get used to waking to that, even if it is only Monday and Friday.
Not long after that, I saw Maria, the clinical nurse who's been looking after me since admission. She is very happy with my progress at the moment and even mentioned one word I don't like mentioning until it's 100% certain: discharge. She even gave me a date and I have deliberately not told anyone yet because as has happened many times during my life, I can get a discharge date and everything looking great to go home, only for them to find something really pedantic and change their minds at the last second. Therefore I'm not telling anyone, except Mum, until I am actually in Mum's car and heading down the road. Just know that it is very soon!
I tried to keep a lid on it, but if you know me well, you'll know I found that rather difficult and consequently I have been smiling like an idiot all day. I even had people try and whine to me about pointless things again and I think it just went way over my head. Even my physio who is usually grumpy and telling me that my effort isn't upto standard was happy with me today, which is probably why I'm a bit tired and sore now. Also, on that, I did weigh myself and now I'm at 40.3 kilograms. It doesn't sound like much, but when you consider in January I was down to 34.6 and I have crazy fast metabolism and couldn't eat for two weeks as I had life-saving surgery next to my brain, that's not bad at all, so even my dietician is happy.
It was a pretty busy day today but I still managed to have a decent shower as well as a decent breakfast. I had my lunch and was all by myself today because nobody else was getting out of bed for one reason or another, but I just accepted the serenity. I was then presented with a choice to either watch the Queen's birthday clash between the bogans and losers, Collingwood and Melbourne, or go outside. Not a hard choice, really, especially when the sun was nice like it was today. I noticed while I was outside, there has been one purple orchid growing nicely and today, it had three flowers coming out of the plant! That's just nuts and I promise by the end of the week, I will take a photo and put it on Facebook and Instagram. After I'd psyched myself up and made eye contact with Peter, my physio, in the hall, I was reminded to go to the gym and so I went. I was relieved to notice Peter himself wasn't in the gym today and there was another guy. I forget his name right now but he's a really decent guy to work with and also very encouraging and made me feel like I put in a decent effort this afternoon, so not even a hard slog in physio could steal my joy today. It only increased it more.
Dinner again was a fairly standard dinner for here. It wasn't terrible, but nothing to write about, so I won't much. It was a basic shepherd's pie with not much taste and it just made me happy to be going home to Mum who can make pretty good food, such as shepherd's pie. I also watched Top Gear tonight as is my Monday night custom and must admit to getting my Aussie bogan on and fist-pumping my television when I noticed Brian Johnson, the front man of ACDC was the star in the reasonably priced car tonight. Seriously, who doesn't love a legend like that? And on that bombshell, ladies and gentlemen it's time to end, goodnight.
Most people, none of my friends of course, automatically hate on Mondays simply because it's the start of the working week. Seriously, that's such a lame, negative attitude to have and it means your day is going to suck, just because it's a Monday. Really? At least let something happen before you decide how your day is going to turn out. Well, you know what? I like Monday because it's the start of a new week and especially when you're in hospital, it presents new challenges and more action. Being a Monday, I woke to the sight of coffee and a bacon and egg sandwich. Seriously, I could get used to waking to that, even if it is only Monday and Friday.
Not long after that, I saw Maria, the clinical nurse who's been looking after me since admission. She is very happy with my progress at the moment and even mentioned one word I don't like mentioning until it's 100% certain: discharge. She even gave me a date and I have deliberately not told anyone yet because as has happened many times during my life, I can get a discharge date and everything looking great to go home, only for them to find something really pedantic and change their minds at the last second. Therefore I'm not telling anyone, except Mum, until I am actually in Mum's car and heading down the road. Just know that it is very soon!
I tried to keep a lid on it, but if you know me well, you'll know I found that rather difficult and consequently I have been smiling like an idiot all day. I even had people try and whine to me about pointless things again and I think it just went way over my head. Even my physio who is usually grumpy and telling me that my effort isn't upto standard was happy with me today, which is probably why I'm a bit tired and sore now. Also, on that, I did weigh myself and now I'm at 40.3 kilograms. It doesn't sound like much, but when you consider in January I was down to 34.6 and I have crazy fast metabolism and couldn't eat for two weeks as I had life-saving surgery next to my brain, that's not bad at all, so even my dietician is happy.
It was a pretty busy day today but I still managed to have a decent shower as well as a decent breakfast. I had my lunch and was all by myself today because nobody else was getting out of bed for one reason or another, but I just accepted the serenity. I was then presented with a choice to either watch the Queen's birthday clash between the bogans and losers, Collingwood and Melbourne, or go outside. Not a hard choice, really, especially when the sun was nice like it was today. I noticed while I was outside, there has been one purple orchid growing nicely and today, it had three flowers coming out of the plant! That's just nuts and I promise by the end of the week, I will take a photo and put it on Facebook and Instagram. After I'd psyched myself up and made eye contact with Peter, my physio, in the hall, I was reminded to go to the gym and so I went. I was relieved to notice Peter himself wasn't in the gym today and there was another guy. I forget his name right now but he's a really decent guy to work with and also very encouraging and made me feel like I put in a decent effort this afternoon, so not even a hard slog in physio could steal my joy today. It only increased it more.
Dinner again was a fairly standard dinner for here. It wasn't terrible, but nothing to write about, so I won't much. It was a basic shepherd's pie with not much taste and it just made me happy to be going home to Mum who can make pretty good food, such as shepherd's pie. I also watched Top Gear tonight as is my Monday night custom and must admit to getting my Aussie bogan on and fist-pumping my television when I noticed Brian Johnson, the front man of ACDC was the star in the reasonably priced car tonight. Seriously, who doesn't love a legend like that? And on that bombshell, ladies and gentlemen it's time to end, goodnight.
Sunday, 9 June 2013
09-06-13
Sunday, June 9, 2013
If it were physically possible, today punched yesterday in it's scrawny little face and for anyone who is remotely interested in state of origin, it did a lot better job than Paul Gallen did on Nate Myles on Wednesday and without even trying at all.
It was a very slow start to the day but according to Zoe, who was looking after me this morning, she felt a bit slow herself today anyway and it was a very mutual feeling around the place for everyone today. Immediately, the song "Lazy Sunday" by The Lonely Island just happened to pop into my head. It's not a bad thing to have a morning like that on a Sunday because nothing happens around here on weekends anyway. I was awake, washed and out of bed anyway by 11 so all good. Oh, I must state here that although I was still feeling a bit unwell, I was better than last night and thought that with some good food and fresh air, I will be okay and that proved to be true today.
Zoe told me it was cold outside and for her standards, considering she's from Ireland, that means it's really cold and she was definitely right today. However, it was okay because there is a slight undercover bit out the front and so I sat there watching the rain on the rosebush, getting some fresh air and listening to the tunes of Matt Corby. I don't usually like the rain because I'm normally trying to get somewhere in it, but today I must admit it was really nice.
My aunt then came in around lunch time and did some procrasti-visiting. She is studying a masters degree and has a 6, 000 word essay to do, which sounds like pure evil. Anyway, she came in with a coffee and chocolate muffin thing like an absolute life saver and ended up staying for around an hour. She told me that she just didn't want to do it and didn't feel up to it today and I could tell that she was just putting it off, but I am not one to tell her not to do that because to be fair, I'd have done the same thing if the roles were reversed. Besides, I'd never tell anyone not to bring me a coffee.
After lunch, not much happened because of the rain and not many others were up and out of bed today, so I just grabbed the opportunity to listen to absolutely nothing for a few minutes. Seriously, that's a very rare thing in a hospital and it was almost scary, because normally when it is that quiet, the proverbial is about to hit the fan, but it didn't. I was bored and everyone was watching the Eagles game and so I had nothing better to do and decided to watch that and must admit that it was a rather entertaining game to watch.
Just after, mum came in and I haven't been able to see her for a while for a bunch of reasons and it was really good. She helped me find a secret stash of junk food I thought was already eaten and so I am totally having midnight snacks right about now. Hey, I'm on a get fat diet so don't judge me! We also sorted out my life and everything boring like that because unfortunately even when you are in hospital long-term, people still expect you to pay bills and do stupid things like that because it's a sad reality that money makes the world go around. That's another rant for another day!
I felt a bit more refreshed than I did yesterday emotionally because I was able to have some chill time by myself, some fairly good sleep, even though I did wake up twice last night and some Jesus time. Therefore even though it wasn't as bad, I did manage to get strength from that and shrug off any negativity that came my way today, which is something I have struggled with these past few days. Seriously, if you are feeling a bit crappy and can't quite put your finger on it and it gets to the point where you are feeling ill physically, check how much Jesus time you've had. I guarantee you haven't had enough. Which brings me around to the fact it's Sunday and today I simply had to laugh. One of the guys in here, Russell, is a typical Kiwi guy and he never shuts up about how great the Allblacks are. Seriously, we do not care and we know Australia will never see the Bledisloe cup again. Anywho, he has a very bad potty mouth and I've grown up very unsheltered and so swearing really doesn't phase me. Well, he noticed some Metro Church cd's on my table and asked me about them. I told him it's the church I attend and he gave me a funny look. He then very genuinely shook my hand, apologized for his choice of words around me and said he will not swear around me in future because he said your God won't like that. I just smiled and said it's not a worry but if you feel that's what you want to do, I respect your effort to do that.
Also, while I was up, I went outside with my Elmo and people were giving me funny looks, so I would just like to state this:
Yes, I am a grown man who hugs soft toys, especially when they represent some of the most amazing people I know and at times like these when I miss them, such as Elmo = Sarah. What of it? At least I'm secure enough in my manhood to do that. I have a tiger for Kathy, Elmo for Sarah and a rabbit for Zoe Johnston and so now I just need something for Amy and Shona and then I will have one for all the decent women in my life who don't have cooties.
Anywho, it's nearly midnight and Elmo is giving me looks and so I better hug it and get some sleep.
If it were physically possible, today punched yesterday in it's scrawny little face and for anyone who is remotely interested in state of origin, it did a lot better job than Paul Gallen did on Nate Myles on Wednesday and without even trying at all.
It was a very slow start to the day but according to Zoe, who was looking after me this morning, she felt a bit slow herself today anyway and it was a very mutual feeling around the place for everyone today. Immediately, the song "Lazy Sunday" by The Lonely Island just happened to pop into my head. It's not a bad thing to have a morning like that on a Sunday because nothing happens around here on weekends anyway. I was awake, washed and out of bed anyway by 11 so all good. Oh, I must state here that although I was still feeling a bit unwell, I was better than last night and thought that with some good food and fresh air, I will be okay and that proved to be true today.
Zoe told me it was cold outside and for her standards, considering she's from Ireland, that means it's really cold and she was definitely right today. However, it was okay because there is a slight undercover bit out the front and so I sat there watching the rain on the rosebush, getting some fresh air and listening to the tunes of Matt Corby. I don't usually like the rain because I'm normally trying to get somewhere in it, but today I must admit it was really nice.
My aunt then came in around lunch time and did some procrasti-visiting. She is studying a masters degree and has a 6, 000 word essay to do, which sounds like pure evil. Anyway, she came in with a coffee and chocolate muffin thing like an absolute life saver and ended up staying for around an hour. She told me that she just didn't want to do it and didn't feel up to it today and I could tell that she was just putting it off, but I am not one to tell her not to do that because to be fair, I'd have done the same thing if the roles were reversed. Besides, I'd never tell anyone not to bring me a coffee.
After lunch, not much happened because of the rain and not many others were up and out of bed today, so I just grabbed the opportunity to listen to absolutely nothing for a few minutes. Seriously, that's a very rare thing in a hospital and it was almost scary, because normally when it is that quiet, the proverbial is about to hit the fan, but it didn't. I was bored and everyone was watching the Eagles game and so I had nothing better to do and decided to watch that and must admit that it was a rather entertaining game to watch.
Just after, mum came in and I haven't been able to see her for a while for a bunch of reasons and it was really good. She helped me find a secret stash of junk food I thought was already eaten and so I am totally having midnight snacks right about now. Hey, I'm on a get fat diet so don't judge me! We also sorted out my life and everything boring like that because unfortunately even when you are in hospital long-term, people still expect you to pay bills and do stupid things like that because it's a sad reality that money makes the world go around. That's another rant for another day!
I felt a bit more refreshed than I did yesterday emotionally because I was able to have some chill time by myself, some fairly good sleep, even though I did wake up twice last night and some Jesus time. Therefore even though it wasn't as bad, I did manage to get strength from that and shrug off any negativity that came my way today, which is something I have struggled with these past few days. Seriously, if you are feeling a bit crappy and can't quite put your finger on it and it gets to the point where you are feeling ill physically, check how much Jesus time you've had. I guarantee you haven't had enough. Which brings me around to the fact it's Sunday and today I simply had to laugh. One of the guys in here, Russell, is a typical Kiwi guy and he never shuts up about how great the Allblacks are. Seriously, we do not care and we know Australia will never see the Bledisloe cup again. Anywho, he has a very bad potty mouth and I've grown up very unsheltered and so swearing really doesn't phase me. Well, he noticed some Metro Church cd's on my table and asked me about them. I told him it's the church I attend and he gave me a funny look. He then very genuinely shook my hand, apologized for his choice of words around me and said he will not swear around me in future because he said your God won't like that. I just smiled and said it's not a worry but if you feel that's what you want to do, I respect your effort to do that.
Also, while I was up, I went outside with my Elmo and people were giving me funny looks, so I would just like to state this:
Yes, I am a grown man who hugs soft toys, especially when they represent some of the most amazing people I know and at times like these when I miss them, such as Elmo = Sarah. What of it? At least I'm secure enough in my manhood to do that. I have a tiger for Kathy, Elmo for Sarah and a rabbit for Zoe Johnston and so now I just need something for Amy and Shona and then I will have one for all the decent women in my life who don't have cooties.
Anywho, it's nearly midnight and Elmo is giving me looks and so I better hug it and get some sleep.
Saturday, 8 June 2013
08-06-13
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Today started much the same as yesterday, with me missing a shower again because of the guy I share a bathroom with taking flipping ages. Oh well, it's not like I have somewhere to be and I am still clean. I did manage to get outside before lunch for a bit of chill time which was good but it was a bit colder than I would have liked, so I came back in for lunch and didn't go back out again. Besides, being Saturday and considering I was allowed up for 4 hours twice today, totalling eight hours, I found the big screen tv, made sure it was on the footy channel as it does have Foxtel and parked myself right there. Even though I was clearly watching the games today, people still managed to come to me and whine about useless crap, to the point where I sat there and had my headphones on my head (with no music on) just so nobody would talk to me for a while.
I watched Geelong v Giants, which is top vs bottom and so you'd expect a slaughter, right? Well, to their credit, the Giants took it right up to Geelong and proved that even if you are young and inexperienced and up against the best team since 2007, with effort you can do amazing things. The stats will prove they lost the game by 59 points which sounds like a lot, but the scores were level at three quarter time. For a team who have only been in the AFL for one and a half years, that's a really good effort and I'm sure they gained a lot of respect for that. I then watched Sydney absolutely maul Adelaide, so that was boring but there was nothing better to do today and then I watched Gold Coast beat the Kangaroos. They just had more hunger and I think the home ground advantage proved, especially considering the weather was torrential rain. Also, I can honestly state right now I did tip Gold Coast.
However, despite me feeling emotionally tired of my current situation, I am hanging in there because I don't know any other way. Giving up is not an option and has never been my style anyway. I know there is not long left and so I will be doing whatever it takes to get myself out of here as quickly as possible.
As I previously stated, I got up for four hours today, twice. First time I got up I went back to bed at 3:00 and felt fine, just tired. I didn't have a nap because I was due to get up at 4:00 and I hate napping during the day anyway because I then struggle to sleep at night. Second time I got up today was not as good as the first. I was due to go back to bed at 8:00 and from about 7:00 onward, I started feeling a bit dizzy, nautious and nearly threw up. Then, since I've been back in bed, my back and hips have decided they are in pain and I do still feel a bit unwell and very tired. Before you ask, yes I have eaten properly today. I'm not telling anyone because as I have stated in a previous blog, medication doesn't really help me anyway because of my extensive medical history. I think my body just isn't used to being up for so long and so hopefully I will be fine by tomorrow.
The list of things I wouldn't do for a hug from someone who cares is pretty short, just like the list of those who genuinely do care, but I guess I will just settle for watching the end of Avatar and trying to get some decent sleep tonight.
Today started much the same as yesterday, with me missing a shower again because of the guy I share a bathroom with taking flipping ages. Oh well, it's not like I have somewhere to be and I am still clean. I did manage to get outside before lunch for a bit of chill time which was good but it was a bit colder than I would have liked, so I came back in for lunch and didn't go back out again. Besides, being Saturday and considering I was allowed up for 4 hours twice today, totalling eight hours, I found the big screen tv, made sure it was on the footy channel as it does have Foxtel and parked myself right there. Even though I was clearly watching the games today, people still managed to come to me and whine about useless crap, to the point where I sat there and had my headphones on my head (with no music on) just so nobody would talk to me for a while.
Lately, if patients aren't using me as their emotional outlet, staff are nagging me and telling me how I'm not doing good enough. Well, I am tired! Tired of giving my best and doing everything my doctors have asked for nearly five months and feeling like I'm getting nowhere at all. Tired of answering the same damned questions fifty times because staff can't communicate with each other. Tired of being tired. Yes, I am whinging because a guy can only take so much. For example, every day someone here will tell me how terrible the food is in here. Well you know what? Go to a major hospital in Perth and tell me it's not better here! The food here is actually not too bad at all and this is coming from a guy who has spent more time than he cares to admit in PMH, RPH, Charlies and Shenton Park rehab over the years. Yes, that food is honestly terrible. There is no other way to put that. But as for the food here, it's not too bad at all.
I watched Geelong v Giants, which is top vs bottom and so you'd expect a slaughter, right? Well, to their credit, the Giants took it right up to Geelong and proved that even if you are young and inexperienced and up against the best team since 2007, with effort you can do amazing things. The stats will prove they lost the game by 59 points which sounds like a lot, but the scores were level at three quarter time. For a team who have only been in the AFL for one and a half years, that's a really good effort and I'm sure they gained a lot of respect for that. I then watched Sydney absolutely maul Adelaide, so that was boring but there was nothing better to do today and then I watched Gold Coast beat the Kangaroos. They just had more hunger and I think the home ground advantage proved, especially considering the weather was torrential rain. Also, I can honestly state right now I did tip Gold Coast.
However, despite me feeling emotionally tired of my current situation, I am hanging in there because I don't know any other way. Giving up is not an option and has never been my style anyway. I know there is not long left and so I will be doing whatever it takes to get myself out of here as quickly as possible.
As I previously stated, I got up for four hours today, twice. First time I got up I went back to bed at 3:00 and felt fine, just tired. I didn't have a nap because I was due to get up at 4:00 and I hate napping during the day anyway because I then struggle to sleep at night. Second time I got up today was not as good as the first. I was due to go back to bed at 8:00 and from about 7:00 onward, I started feeling a bit dizzy, nautious and nearly threw up. Then, since I've been back in bed, my back and hips have decided they are in pain and I do still feel a bit unwell and very tired. Before you ask, yes I have eaten properly today. I'm not telling anyone because as I have stated in a previous blog, medication doesn't really help me anyway because of my extensive medical history. I think my body just isn't used to being up for so long and so hopefully I will be fine by tomorrow.
The list of things I wouldn't do for a hug from someone who cares is pretty short, just like the list of those who genuinely do care, but I guess I will just settle for watching the end of Avatar and trying to get some decent sleep tonight.
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