Today started much the same as yesterday, with me missing a shower again because of the guy I share a bathroom with taking flipping ages. Oh well, it's not like I have somewhere to be and I am still clean. I did manage to get outside before lunch for a bit of chill time which was good but it was a bit colder than I would have liked, so I came back in for lunch and didn't go back out again. Besides, being Saturday and considering I was allowed up for 4 hours twice today, totalling eight hours, I found the big screen tv, made sure it was on the footy channel as it does have Foxtel and parked myself right there. Even though I was clearly watching the games today, people still managed to come to me and whine about useless crap, to the point where I sat there and had my headphones on my head (with no music on) just so nobody would talk to me for a while.
Lately, if patients aren't using me as their emotional outlet, staff are nagging me and telling me how I'm not doing good enough. Well, I am tired! Tired of giving my best and doing everything my doctors have asked for nearly five months and feeling like I'm getting nowhere at all. Tired of answering the same damned questions fifty times because staff can't communicate with each other. Tired of being tired. Yes, I am whinging because a guy can only take so much. For example, every day someone here will tell me how terrible the food is in here. Well you know what? Go to a major hospital in Perth and tell me it's not better here! The food here is actually not too bad at all and this is coming from a guy who has spent more time than he cares to admit in PMH, RPH, Charlies and Shenton Park rehab over the years. Yes, that food is honestly terrible. There is no other way to put that. But as for the food here, it's not too bad at all.
I watched Geelong v Giants, which is top vs bottom and so you'd expect a slaughter, right? Well, to their credit, the Giants took it right up to Geelong and proved that even if you are young and inexperienced and up against the best team since 2007, with effort you can do amazing things. The stats will prove they lost the game by 59 points which sounds like a lot, but the scores were level at three quarter time. For a team who have only been in the AFL for one and a half years, that's a really good effort and I'm sure they gained a lot of respect for that. I then watched Sydney absolutely maul Adelaide, so that was boring but there was nothing better to do today and then I watched Gold Coast beat the Kangaroos. They just had more hunger and I think the home ground advantage proved, especially considering the weather was torrential rain. Also, I can honestly state right now I did tip Gold Coast.
However, despite me feeling emotionally tired of my current situation, I am hanging in there because I don't know any other way. Giving up is not an option and has never been my style anyway. I know there is not long left and so I will be doing whatever it takes to get myself out of here as quickly as possible.
As I previously stated, I got up for four hours today, twice. First time I got up I went back to bed at 3:00 and felt fine, just tired. I didn't have a nap because I was due to get up at 4:00 and I hate napping during the day anyway because I then struggle to sleep at night. Second time I got up today was not as good as the first. I was due to go back to bed at 8:00 and from about 7:00 onward, I started feeling a bit dizzy, nautious and nearly threw up. Then, since I've been back in bed, my back and hips have decided they are in pain and I do still feel a bit unwell and very tired. Before you ask, yes I have eaten properly today. I'm not telling anyone because as I have stated in a previous blog, medication doesn't really help me anyway because of my extensive medical history. I think my body just isn't used to being up for so long and so hopefully I will be fine by tomorrow.
The list of things I wouldn't do for a hug from someone who cares is pretty short, just like the list of those who genuinely do care, but I guess I will just settle for watching the end of Avatar and trying to get some decent sleep tonight.
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