Saturday, June 29, 2013
Yesterday, I read something on Facebook and it totally hurt my heart. To be honest, it robbed me of sleep last night and it still hurts me now. A good friend of mine, MJ, who doesn't have cooties, is leaving to go back to England tomorrow and I must admit it totally sucks. Seriously, I'm not liking the country of England right now! I didn't cry last night, but am struggling with it today. Also, my best friend Kathy is on her way there very soon as well and that will not be fun saying bye to her. Not to mention my friend Drew left to live in London a couple of years ago as well and he's like a big brother to me. Seriously, England, you suck! :(
It would be okay if I was healthy enough to fly that far, but the fact is I'm just not. Sure, I've never been one to take every word of advice of my doctor, but sometimes I just know my body and I know I don't have the physical strength to go halfway around the world. Well, the bright news is MJ did say she'd be back soon. How soon is soon, though? I've got no idea. I guess I've just got to be thankful for technology such as Skype, Facebook and e-mail. As good as that is, it's not the same at all.
Therefore today I haven't got out of bed (also because last night was a crazy awesome night at youth that took it out of me physically) and it's 1:38 pm already and I've no intention to get up any time soon either. I will probably get up around 5:00 to get some food, a drink and watch the Dockers game that starts at 5:30, but I might not either because I really am that tired today, physically and emotionally.
Well, last night really was amazeballs. Yes, amazeballs is a word. We had a band from south of Perth come and lead worship for us and it was great. The presence of God last night was so thick, it was crazy! People were getting touched all across the room. Then, MJ and I shared our personal life stories and straight after I was finished, it was as if heaven just turned a tap on. Seriously, people were getting flooded with God's goodness right away and then, Hayden, our young adult pastor, got up and shared something for a few minutes and then it was like God wanted to give out even more. It made for a very long, but rewarding night. It's nights like those that make me sit back and thank God that he didn't give up on me and he gave me a heart for youth. Seriously, as I said last night, I don't want to see any youth have to deal with what I've dealt with and I need to make sure they know there's a real God who loves them the way they are. That's why I'm a youth leader and why I'm studying a Social Science degree, with a major in Youth Work at university. And on that bombshell, that's me done for today.
Friday 28 June 2013
Tuesday 25 June 2013
25-06-13
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
First up, happy birthday to my aunty today! Even if you are busy with work and/or study, make sure you have taken the time to at least have a little bit of fun. I would have sent you a text but I have no phone still.
As for the rest of my day, I'm still trying to get my head around it and it will probably take some time, as I am one of those typical overthinking people. I just hope I do get some sort of sleep tonight because I lost a lot of sleep last night doing the same thing and oddly enough, for the same reason as well. Today I had coffee with one of the most AMAZING people ever and it was even better because I hadn't seen this person in like two months. That's why I couldn't sleep last night, because I was just too excited to see her. As is always the case with said beautiful woman, the hugs were great, coffee excellent and the conversation involved serious moments, awkwardness and some laughing. It's easy to state that seeing her has made my day. Heck, every time I see her she has this wonderful ability to make my day, whatever kind of mood I'm in or whatever is going on in my life. :D
I left that smiling like a complete tool, as one does when they leave an epic time like that. I needed to be smiling too as I was on my way to the doctors because I've had a swollen foot for a couple of weeks now. The doctors at the hospital did look at it, but said that there is nothing to worry about and it will go down soon. Well, it's only become worse, which is why I made the choice to go and see my gp about it. He's a very thorough doctor and so took a while to make his assessment of it. He gave me some good and bad news. He said the good news is I'm not feeling or looking unwell at all, so he doesn't think there is an infection of any type. He said the bad news is he think it could be because of a possible blood clot in the lower leg, so he has taken some blood and given me a referral to go to the hospital and get an ultrasound done. So, for the past three hours, I've just been sitting at home and waiting for Mum to come home because as I got home, she hasn't been home and I'm not keen to go by myself.
Well, in the mean time I am just going to piece a few things together from my conversation with said woman from today. I did tell her that I want to finish the conversation when I see her next, which is most likely to be Sunday. Therefore I really need to get my head around a few things to figure out what needs to be said. Well, I think I need to go brainstorm some thoughts down on paper... Night, night kids!
First up, happy birthday to my aunty today! Even if you are busy with work and/or study, make sure you have taken the time to at least have a little bit of fun. I would have sent you a text but I have no phone still.
As for the rest of my day, I'm still trying to get my head around it and it will probably take some time, as I am one of those typical overthinking people. I just hope I do get some sort of sleep tonight because I lost a lot of sleep last night doing the same thing and oddly enough, for the same reason as well. Today I had coffee with one of the most AMAZING people ever and it was even better because I hadn't seen this person in like two months. That's why I couldn't sleep last night, because I was just too excited to see her. As is always the case with said beautiful woman, the hugs were great, coffee excellent and the conversation involved serious moments, awkwardness and some laughing. It's easy to state that seeing her has made my day. Heck, every time I see her she has this wonderful ability to make my day, whatever kind of mood I'm in or whatever is going on in my life. :D
I left that smiling like a complete tool, as one does when they leave an epic time like that. I needed to be smiling too as I was on my way to the doctors because I've had a swollen foot for a couple of weeks now. The doctors at the hospital did look at it, but said that there is nothing to worry about and it will go down soon. Well, it's only become worse, which is why I made the choice to go and see my gp about it. He's a very thorough doctor and so took a while to make his assessment of it. He gave me some good and bad news. He said the good news is I'm not feeling or looking unwell at all, so he doesn't think there is an infection of any type. He said the bad news is he think it could be because of a possible blood clot in the lower leg, so he has taken some blood and given me a referral to go to the hospital and get an ultrasound done. So, for the past three hours, I've just been sitting at home and waiting for Mum to come home because as I got home, she hasn't been home and I'm not keen to go by myself.
Well, in the mean time I am just going to piece a few things together from my conversation with said woman from today. I did tell her that I want to finish the conversation when I see her next, which is most likely to be Sunday. Therefore I really need to get my head around a few things to figure out what needs to be said. Well, I think I need to go brainstorm some thoughts down on paper... Night, night kids!
Monday 24 June 2013
24-06-13
Monday, June 24, 2013
Lately I've been asked by a lot of people, married, single or otherwise about my relationship status. Those that know me well will not need to read my explanation here, but for anyone who cares, I am very single and that will not change anytime soon. Why's that? Well, I came to a conclusion around this time last year that it's pretty bloody obvious that I just live in the friend-zone and I need to come to a place where I accept that and move on with my life. I would like to think I've done that over the past year. My care factor for the whole relationship scene has never been lower than it is right now. Also, I really don't know many happy people in relationships, so that doesn't exactly inspire me to find my princess. Aside from those awesome ones where the people are married for 10+ years with children and really are living happy, fruitful lives, I don't see anyone truly happy. People like that make me think maybe it is worth it, but then I remember that I'd have to put my heart out there again and that I'd have to deal with mental and emotional issues and games and it all just looks too hard, especially at the moment. I don't have the energy to deal with those issues right now, especially considering the medical and physical issues I've already been through during the first half of this year.
It feels like that every time a female friend of mine gets into a relationship, I turn invisible, although there is one exception to this and she knows who she is. Seriously, ít's immature, stupid and makes me feel like I don't count in your life. Well, if that's how it's going to be, fine. I don't chase people who don't care for me. Also, I don't want to become one of those snobs who don't have time for their friends simply because they now have a partner. Seriously, punch me in the face if I ever become like that!
I'm not completely ruling out ever finding a decent woman who hasn't friendzoned me, but I am saying it won't be this year and she is going to have to be all kinds of amazing because I don't fall easily anymore. Over this next season, I'm just going to be content to keep going the way I have done over the past year, with my relationship with God, my family and closest friends, about half of whom are female anyway.
It's not that my self-image is low or anything. I know I'm a decent enough person who is not a moron at all, but I simply don't have the emotional energy anymore. To sum it all up: it's their loss.
Lately I've been asked by a lot of people, married, single or otherwise about my relationship status. Those that know me well will not need to read my explanation here, but for anyone who cares, I am very single and that will not change anytime soon. Why's that? Well, I came to a conclusion around this time last year that it's pretty bloody obvious that I just live in the friend-zone and I need to come to a place where I accept that and move on with my life. I would like to think I've done that over the past year. My care factor for the whole relationship scene has never been lower than it is right now. Also, I really don't know many happy people in relationships, so that doesn't exactly inspire me to find my princess. Aside from those awesome ones where the people are married for 10+ years with children and really are living happy, fruitful lives, I don't see anyone truly happy. People like that make me think maybe it is worth it, but then I remember that I'd have to put my heart out there again and that I'd have to deal with mental and emotional issues and games and it all just looks too hard, especially at the moment. I don't have the energy to deal with those issues right now, especially considering the medical and physical issues I've already been through during the first half of this year.
It feels like that every time a female friend of mine gets into a relationship, I turn invisible, although there is one exception to this and she knows who she is. Seriously, ít's immature, stupid and makes me feel like I don't count in your life. Well, if that's how it's going to be, fine. I don't chase people who don't care for me. Also, I don't want to become one of those snobs who don't have time for their friends simply because they now have a partner. Seriously, punch me in the face if I ever become like that!
I'm not completely ruling out ever finding a decent woman who hasn't friendzoned me, but I am saying it won't be this year and she is going to have to be all kinds of amazing because I don't fall easily anymore. Over this next season, I'm just going to be content to keep going the way I have done over the past year, with my relationship with God, my family and closest friends, about half of whom are female anyway.
It's not that my self-image is low or anything. I know I'm a decent enough person who is not a moron at all, but I simply don't have the emotional energy anymore. To sum it all up: it's their loss.
Sunday 23 June 2013
23-06-13
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Wisdom is a beautiful, yet very tough thing to master. I'm 27 years old and still struggle with that one these days, especially when it comes to my health and my physical limitations. I've been brought up to see myself as no different to anyone else and I don't see myself different at all, but the truth is I am different, at least a little bit. My body is not going to react the same as it would others who don't have any physical issues whatsoever.
Today, I woke up at around 9:00 after having to go to the city yesterday to pick up Bon Jovi tickets and call in for a coffee at Little Willy's. Even though I was out for only a grand total of about 3 hours, it really did take it out of me. As a consequence, I slept about ten hours straight and was still tired all day today, despite eating and drinking properly and not leaving the house at all. Therefore, come mid-afternoon, I was left with a choice for my evening: Would I risk pushing my body and go to church, even though I've only been home a few days or would I be sensible and wise and stay home and have a chilled night? Well, I did option number two. My body pretty much forced me to stop because it got to a point where my joints were seizing. Even if I did brush off the physical tiredness and soreness, God decided I was staying home anyway because it's been raining fairly hard most of the day and there's no way I'm going in that and it was too late to organise a lift, especially without a phone. On that, it's even harder getting home without a phone because there are no buses from the train station I use that late on a Sunday, so I guess I will have to probably miss another week of church, at least until I get my new phone. Seriously, I don't feel safe leaving the house without a phone at the moment unless I'm with someone.
Well, it ended being a productive, yet chilled day with watching the Dockers win again (seriously, I'm not getting bored of this one bit) and then I set up my room properly and organized all my clothes. I even threw heaps of them out that had just had it or didn't fit me properly and was amazed to find just how much I still have. That made me think of those I know currently in Cambodia, helping out people who have got seriously nothing and how blessed we are in Australia to have way more than we need, even if we think we are "poor".
I must admit I am glad I made the decision to stay home tonight. My body is thanking me and I'm feeling okay because of that. Had I tried to go extra hard and ride the emotional rollercoaster of excitement that is being home and go to church to see lots of people, I would probably be twice as tired or even feeling physically unwell right now. Putting my health first is a learning curve but it's a tough one because I need to figure out the best way to live my life as best and productively as possible, yet still being sensible enough to make sure I'm not making myself any worse than I need to be.
Lastly, God is big enough to not be confined to a building and so if he has something he needs to say to me, he can speak to me right here in my bedroom at home. I don't exactly have to be in church, with the right song, the right person praying for me and feeling holier than thou to receive from God. We just need to open our mouths. Seriously, just start talking to him and you'll be amazed at what happenes next! He understands that my body needs a rest sometimes and that I won't be able to make it to church every single Sunday without failure. This is why I'm thankful for his grace that allows me to do this.
Wisdom is a beautiful, yet very tough thing to master. I'm 27 years old and still struggle with that one these days, especially when it comes to my health and my physical limitations. I've been brought up to see myself as no different to anyone else and I don't see myself different at all, but the truth is I am different, at least a little bit. My body is not going to react the same as it would others who don't have any physical issues whatsoever.
Today, I woke up at around 9:00 after having to go to the city yesterday to pick up Bon Jovi tickets and call in for a coffee at Little Willy's. Even though I was out for only a grand total of about 3 hours, it really did take it out of me. As a consequence, I slept about ten hours straight and was still tired all day today, despite eating and drinking properly and not leaving the house at all. Therefore, come mid-afternoon, I was left with a choice for my evening: Would I risk pushing my body and go to church, even though I've only been home a few days or would I be sensible and wise and stay home and have a chilled night? Well, I did option number two. My body pretty much forced me to stop because it got to a point where my joints were seizing. Even if I did brush off the physical tiredness and soreness, God decided I was staying home anyway because it's been raining fairly hard most of the day and there's no way I'm going in that and it was too late to organise a lift, especially without a phone. On that, it's even harder getting home without a phone because there are no buses from the train station I use that late on a Sunday, so I guess I will have to probably miss another week of church, at least until I get my new phone. Seriously, I don't feel safe leaving the house without a phone at the moment unless I'm with someone.
Well, it ended being a productive, yet chilled day with watching the Dockers win again (seriously, I'm not getting bored of this one bit) and then I set up my room properly and organized all my clothes. I even threw heaps of them out that had just had it or didn't fit me properly and was amazed to find just how much I still have. That made me think of those I know currently in Cambodia, helping out people who have got seriously nothing and how blessed we are in Australia to have way more than we need, even if we think we are "poor".
I must admit I am glad I made the decision to stay home tonight. My body is thanking me and I'm feeling okay because of that. Had I tried to go extra hard and ride the emotional rollercoaster of excitement that is being home and go to church to see lots of people, I would probably be twice as tired or even feeling physically unwell right now. Putting my health first is a learning curve but it's a tough one because I need to figure out the best way to live my life as best and productively as possible, yet still being sensible enough to make sure I'm not making myself any worse than I need to be.
Lastly, God is big enough to not be confined to a building and so if he has something he needs to say to me, he can speak to me right here in my bedroom at home. I don't exactly have to be in church, with the right song, the right person praying for me and feeling holier than thou to receive from God. We just need to open our mouths. Seriously, just start talking to him and you'll be amazed at what happenes next! He understands that my body needs a rest sometimes and that I won't be able to make it to church every single Sunday without failure. This is why I'm thankful for his grace that allows me to do this.
Saturday 22 June 2013
22-06-13
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Today I need to first acknowledge that my baby sister is no longer a teenager, as today is her 20th birthday, so happy birthday, Tess. Oh, break her heart and I break your face! Seriously, just ask her ex!
Anywho, I have a blog to write. Today my phone was stolen from the Perth Underground train station. I dropped it on the ground, heard it fall, went to pick it up and it was gone. It wasn't too busy, but there was still a fair few people around and I couldn't see clearly who may have picked it up. So, the second half of my afternoon was spent blocking my number, filing police reports, making statements and all that fun stuff that you do when your phone gets stolen. Although, on the positive, I do have insurance and so I will be getting a new phone within a couple of weeks.
This incident today made me think that when issues like this arise that seem to make us go from super happy to wanting to punch people in the face in two seconds flat, as much as we don't want to, we need to forgive and let it go. I let it rob my joy for a few hours until I realized that holding a grudge is like eating a lemon. Seriously, nobody except my niece enjoys eating a lemon. Forgiveness is not about the person that hurts us, but about us. I can say that I'm pretty sure the person who took my phone today hasn't thought about me twice since the incident. I've thought about them a lot. That just proves that I'm the one with the issue, not them. Yes it is an inconvenience not having a mobile phone for about two weeks, but I'm blessed that I have more than one method of communication such as Facebook and e-mail these days. Also, whatever happened to good old snail mail? It's like the only thing that comes through that these days are bills, which makes the mail-receiving thing not so fun. Letters are great and would make the mail getting thing a much more joyful experience for me!
It wasn't all bad today as I went to Little Willy's (my favourite coffee shop) and they asked where I'd been as they said they had missed me. I told them I'd been in hospital for a grand total of 155 days with a potentially life-threatening bone infection. Then, it was decided that today I would be getting my coffee for free because they missed me. Also, I was blown away that they still remembered how I like my coffee, even though I haven't been able to go there since November 2012. Now that is good service and just one reason why I keep going back there!
Well, I guess you can figure out from reading that I was at Perth Underground station that I am home from the hospital. To be fair, I got home Wednesday night but didn't want to make it public information until now. Last night was my first night back at youth and it absolutely blew me away with the amount of love that was in the place! Seriously, so much squealing was happening, but it was all good and there were more hugs than I can remember. I couldn't help but sit there in worship time and just watch with tears streaming down my face, knowing that I don't deserve this and that I'm only back at youth by God's grace. It was also a good reminder that Chris did the right thing last year by convincing me that my time in youth ministry is definitely not done, despite my physical condition in December last year when I called him and told him I was sick and will be stepping down permanently from being a youth leader. I'm absolutely humbled and thankful that I get to be a leader in the most amazing youth ministry ever, Metro Youth. I do not say that lightly either! I am so pumped for next week, but also slightly freaked as next Friday I will be sharing my personal life story. It's crazy because there is so much to tell and so I've got to figure out what the most important details of my life are that need to be shared. I'm so excited to be back and doing what I love by sowing seeds into the youth of today, and I even get to serve at youth with my best friend now because she's now a youth leader too, which made last night even more fun! Oh, she also makes seriously good coffee too! :D
Today I need to first acknowledge that my baby sister is no longer a teenager, as today is her 20th birthday, so happy birthday, Tess. Oh, break her heart and I break your face! Seriously, just ask her ex!
Anywho, I have a blog to write. Today my phone was stolen from the Perth Underground train station. I dropped it on the ground, heard it fall, went to pick it up and it was gone. It wasn't too busy, but there was still a fair few people around and I couldn't see clearly who may have picked it up. So, the second half of my afternoon was spent blocking my number, filing police reports, making statements and all that fun stuff that you do when your phone gets stolen. Although, on the positive, I do have insurance and so I will be getting a new phone within a couple of weeks.
This incident today made me think that when issues like this arise that seem to make us go from super happy to wanting to punch people in the face in two seconds flat, as much as we don't want to, we need to forgive and let it go. I let it rob my joy for a few hours until I realized that holding a grudge is like eating a lemon. Seriously, nobody except my niece enjoys eating a lemon. Forgiveness is not about the person that hurts us, but about us. I can say that I'm pretty sure the person who took my phone today hasn't thought about me twice since the incident. I've thought about them a lot. That just proves that I'm the one with the issue, not them. Yes it is an inconvenience not having a mobile phone for about two weeks, but I'm blessed that I have more than one method of communication such as Facebook and e-mail these days. Also, whatever happened to good old snail mail? It's like the only thing that comes through that these days are bills, which makes the mail-receiving thing not so fun. Letters are great and would make the mail getting thing a much more joyful experience for me!
It wasn't all bad today as I went to Little Willy's (my favourite coffee shop) and they asked where I'd been as they said they had missed me. I told them I'd been in hospital for a grand total of 155 days with a potentially life-threatening bone infection. Then, it was decided that today I would be getting my coffee for free because they missed me. Also, I was blown away that they still remembered how I like my coffee, even though I haven't been able to go there since November 2012. Now that is good service and just one reason why I keep going back there!
Well, I guess you can figure out from reading that I was at Perth Underground station that I am home from the hospital. To be fair, I got home Wednesday night but didn't want to make it public information until now. Last night was my first night back at youth and it absolutely blew me away with the amount of love that was in the place! Seriously, so much squealing was happening, but it was all good and there were more hugs than I can remember. I couldn't help but sit there in worship time and just watch with tears streaming down my face, knowing that I don't deserve this and that I'm only back at youth by God's grace. It was also a good reminder that Chris did the right thing last year by convincing me that my time in youth ministry is definitely not done, despite my physical condition in December last year when I called him and told him I was sick and will be stepping down permanently from being a youth leader. I'm absolutely humbled and thankful that I get to be a leader in the most amazing youth ministry ever, Metro Youth. I do not say that lightly either! I am so pumped for next week, but also slightly freaked as next Friday I will be sharing my personal life story. It's crazy because there is so much to tell and so I've got to figure out what the most important details of my life are that need to be shared. I'm so excited to be back and doing what I love by sowing seeds into the youth of today, and I even get to serve at youth with my best friend now because she's now a youth leader too, which made last night even more fun! Oh, she also makes seriously good coffee too! :D
Thursday 20 June 2013
20-06-13
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Apologies for the lack of blogs these past few days. I've had a lot going on and haven't been able to figure out best how to write it all into a blog. Poor excuse, I know. Also, the other night I had started writing, but then fell unwell and decided it would be best just to rest and make sure I'm okay and sure enough, I'm much better.
I want to talk about what my old pastor, David Storer, calls dipsticks. He had a classic sermon entitled "Dipsticks" and it was all about those people who come into your life, bring all their baggage, negativity and drama, dump it all into your lap and then just leave you with the mess. Well, we all have those kinds of people in our lives and, to be fair, I'm probably guilty of doing it to some people as well. I think the only person in history who has never done that is Jesus himself.
I've been a tad grumpy and irritated lately because it's felt like I've had a lot of those kinds of people in my life, but when you're in hospital for an extended period, it's very easy to pre-judge and say everyone is the same. The truth is, that's only a small portion of the population and seriously, if we didn't dump our stuff sometimes, we'll get overwhelmed. Seriously, I thank God I've got people in my life who I can go to when I've got stuff going on. I do try as best I can to make sure it's not a one-way situation though and that as many of my relationships as possible are as transparent as can be, but still being appropriate, healthy relationships.
I think it's a good thing to prioritize your time and energy in the most positive places first. Then, you can be energetic and re-filled for when you see those in your life who you find a bit harder to be around. I don't think it's being a snob at all and I'm not saying to ignore those harder people, but we need to make sure we are strong first. Also, we don't get our strength from friends alone because the fact is, they don't have the ability to meet all of our personal needs, even if they are the most amazing person ever. We need to make sure we are going to God because he's our main source of strength for every area in our lives. I must be honest here and state I haven't done my best in that area of late and I think this is a main cause of my inconsistent moods of late.
As I said in a previous blog and I just haven't taken my own advice, do whatever you do to get refreshed. For me, it's usually having coffee with a good book and whatever music I'm in the mood for on the day. Sometimes I can feel better when I write some things down as well. Those things are good, but they are definitely no substitute for some Jesus time because he is the true source of strength. In short, I think that no matter how we are feeling, we need to make it a priority to do at least one fun thing that makes us happy and also have some Jesus time.
Apologies for the lack of blogs these past few days. I've had a lot going on and haven't been able to figure out best how to write it all into a blog. Poor excuse, I know. Also, the other night I had started writing, but then fell unwell and decided it would be best just to rest and make sure I'm okay and sure enough, I'm much better.
I want to talk about what my old pastor, David Storer, calls dipsticks. He had a classic sermon entitled "Dipsticks" and it was all about those people who come into your life, bring all their baggage, negativity and drama, dump it all into your lap and then just leave you with the mess. Well, we all have those kinds of people in our lives and, to be fair, I'm probably guilty of doing it to some people as well. I think the only person in history who has never done that is Jesus himself.
I've been a tad grumpy and irritated lately because it's felt like I've had a lot of those kinds of people in my life, but when you're in hospital for an extended period, it's very easy to pre-judge and say everyone is the same. The truth is, that's only a small portion of the population and seriously, if we didn't dump our stuff sometimes, we'll get overwhelmed. Seriously, I thank God I've got people in my life who I can go to when I've got stuff going on. I do try as best I can to make sure it's not a one-way situation though and that as many of my relationships as possible are as transparent as can be, but still being appropriate, healthy relationships.
I think it's a good thing to prioritize your time and energy in the most positive places first. Then, you can be energetic and re-filled for when you see those in your life who you find a bit harder to be around. I don't think it's being a snob at all and I'm not saying to ignore those harder people, but we need to make sure we are strong first. Also, we don't get our strength from friends alone because the fact is, they don't have the ability to meet all of our personal needs, even if they are the most amazing person ever. We need to make sure we are going to God because he's our main source of strength for every area in our lives. I must be honest here and state I haven't done my best in that area of late and I think this is a main cause of my inconsistent moods of late.
As I said in a previous blog and I just haven't taken my own advice, do whatever you do to get refreshed. For me, it's usually having coffee with a good book and whatever music I'm in the mood for on the day. Sometimes I can feel better when I write some things down as well. Those things are good, but they are definitely no substitute for some Jesus time because he is the true source of strength. In short, I think that no matter how we are feeling, we need to make it a priority to do at least one fun thing that makes us happy and also have some Jesus time.
Sunday 16 June 2013
16-06-13
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Today was a reminder that my emotions can be very inconsistent, change in an instant and have no real bearing on the situation because they really are not an honest indicator of life. I woke feeling rather unwell today, with a fever, headache, sore throat and runny nose. Everything above my neck just simply hurt and felt gross. I was struggling to smile at all and just wanted to try and go back to sleep. However, I was awake and it's like once they realize that you're awake in here, they all come in at once to do all they need to do. It can be really annoying sometimes. Once I was awake, I got my phone to check the time and then checked my messages and my Facebook, as I do most mornings. I noticed on Facebook I had a notification from my best friend, Kathy, who had posted something to my timeline. I had no idea what to think because we rarely do that with each other. I looked and even though I was really struggling and everything inside me was feeling crappy, I managed to get a laugh and from that point onward, my emotions have been fairly good. It's amazing how one small thing such as a joke on Facebook from your best friend can make you feel better emotionally when you are not so great physically. It also helped me to start getting better physically being better emotionally.
After I got out of bed, I re-heated my coffee because it was cold and after that it was good. I then went outside, found a tree in a good spot and just put my head back while hugging my tiger and had a nap until lunch time. I stumbled in for lunch at 12 and even though all I felt like doing was having a nap, I ate all my lunch which was vegetable soup, roast pork and vegetables and an apple. I then went back outside because even though really I just wanted to go back to bed, I was meant to be up for seven hours today, from 11-6 and I wanted to push through because I want to see just how strong I really am at the moment. I did manage to stay out of bed until 6:00 pm. Anywho, while I was outside I sat next to one of the park benches. It was around this time that the catering staff started coming and sitting at that same bench to have their lunch. Even though I said I wouldn't, I need to do society a favour and make this next bit public information. One of the guys was being one of those annoying teenage kids at the back of the bus who is constantly flicking through every stupid song on their phone. Well, most of his music was tolerable and I didn't say much. That was until he decided to play "Baby" by Justin Bieber, loudly and do a very girly dance to it, complete with a duck-face. Let's just say my respect for him died right there. Na, it didn't really but it was definitely the funny part of my week. Don't worry Metro Youth, I made him do ten push-ups for his crime.
After that, I could not be seen with them anymore and conveniently it was afternoon tea time anyway and I was pleasantly surprised to notice one of my favourite kitchen staff, an Irish girl named Rachel was on this afternoon. She's just a genuinely lovely person who can't do enough for people and makes this place a nicer place to be. She doesn't normally work weekends so that's why it was really unexpected to see her today. Also, she knows exactly how I like my coffee and what kind of biscuits I like as well and it's just little things like that when you're not feeling too well that make me smile.
It was around this time I started to feel better physically and I'd got some fruit, fresh air and water into me as well and I'm sure that helped my situation. A few people were sitting around watching the footy and even though I wasn't really interested in it because it was Collingwood v Bulldogs, I watched it anyway because I had nothing better to do. Sure enough, as expected it was a one-sided contest and Collingwood won rather comfortably in the end. Oh, I must admit here that dinner came and I'm not usually one to complain about food, but it really was terrible tonight so I just had a piece of fruit. No, fruit is not code for chocolate today.
Then it would be time to get back to bed. Everything was fine with that but I went back a few minutes before six because six is when the staff go for their dinner break, so that's fair enough that they didn't want to eat into their assigned break time. Since that time, I've felt fine and well relaxed and have just been watching random stuff on television. I know, it's such an exciting life I'm living! Oh, in amongst that I did get a phone call from Mum that only she and probably Kathy could get away with. She calls me and said she needs me to transfer some money into her account right now so she can buy Chinese for dinner for her and my cousin. Well, she's my mother and so it's fine, but I found it hilarious when I asked if she'd bring me some and she initially said no. All was good in the end because she'd agreed to save me some considering I've paid for it.
Well it's late and tomorrow being Monday means I've got a big day ahead, so I'd better do my best to get some rest tonight.
Today was a reminder that my emotions can be very inconsistent, change in an instant and have no real bearing on the situation because they really are not an honest indicator of life. I woke feeling rather unwell today, with a fever, headache, sore throat and runny nose. Everything above my neck just simply hurt and felt gross. I was struggling to smile at all and just wanted to try and go back to sleep. However, I was awake and it's like once they realize that you're awake in here, they all come in at once to do all they need to do. It can be really annoying sometimes. Once I was awake, I got my phone to check the time and then checked my messages and my Facebook, as I do most mornings. I noticed on Facebook I had a notification from my best friend, Kathy, who had posted something to my timeline. I had no idea what to think because we rarely do that with each other. I looked and even though I was really struggling and everything inside me was feeling crappy, I managed to get a laugh and from that point onward, my emotions have been fairly good. It's amazing how one small thing such as a joke on Facebook from your best friend can make you feel better emotionally when you are not so great physically. It also helped me to start getting better physically being better emotionally.
After I got out of bed, I re-heated my coffee because it was cold and after that it was good. I then went outside, found a tree in a good spot and just put my head back while hugging my tiger and had a nap until lunch time. I stumbled in for lunch at 12 and even though all I felt like doing was having a nap, I ate all my lunch which was vegetable soup, roast pork and vegetables and an apple. I then went back outside because even though really I just wanted to go back to bed, I was meant to be up for seven hours today, from 11-6 and I wanted to push through because I want to see just how strong I really am at the moment. I did manage to stay out of bed until 6:00 pm. Anywho, while I was outside I sat next to one of the park benches. It was around this time that the catering staff started coming and sitting at that same bench to have their lunch. Even though I said I wouldn't, I need to do society a favour and make this next bit public information. One of the guys was being one of those annoying teenage kids at the back of the bus who is constantly flicking through every stupid song on their phone. Well, most of his music was tolerable and I didn't say much. That was until he decided to play "Baby" by Justin Bieber, loudly and do a very girly dance to it, complete with a duck-face. Let's just say my respect for him died right there. Na, it didn't really but it was definitely the funny part of my week. Don't worry Metro Youth, I made him do ten push-ups for his crime.
After that, I could not be seen with them anymore and conveniently it was afternoon tea time anyway and I was pleasantly surprised to notice one of my favourite kitchen staff, an Irish girl named Rachel was on this afternoon. She's just a genuinely lovely person who can't do enough for people and makes this place a nicer place to be. She doesn't normally work weekends so that's why it was really unexpected to see her today. Also, she knows exactly how I like my coffee and what kind of biscuits I like as well and it's just little things like that when you're not feeling too well that make me smile.
It was around this time I started to feel better physically and I'd got some fruit, fresh air and water into me as well and I'm sure that helped my situation. A few people were sitting around watching the footy and even though I wasn't really interested in it because it was Collingwood v Bulldogs, I watched it anyway because I had nothing better to do. Sure enough, as expected it was a one-sided contest and Collingwood won rather comfortably in the end. Oh, I must admit here that dinner came and I'm not usually one to complain about food, but it really was terrible tonight so I just had a piece of fruit. No, fruit is not code for chocolate today.
Then it would be time to get back to bed. Everything was fine with that but I went back a few minutes before six because six is when the staff go for their dinner break, so that's fair enough that they didn't want to eat into their assigned break time. Since that time, I've felt fine and well relaxed and have just been watching random stuff on television. I know, it's such an exciting life I'm living! Oh, in amongst that I did get a phone call from Mum that only she and probably Kathy could get away with. She calls me and said she needs me to transfer some money into her account right now so she can buy Chinese for dinner for her and my cousin. Well, she's my mother and so it's fine, but I found it hilarious when I asked if she'd bring me some and she initially said no. All was good in the end because she'd agreed to save me some considering I've paid for it.
Well it's late and tomorrow being Monday means I've got a big day ahead, so I'd better do my best to get some rest tonight.
Saturday 15 June 2013
15-06-13
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Thank goodness today was a Saturday! Physically, I just didn't feel up for anything at all today. Sure, I woke up around 8:30 but I have been sore and tired all day. I did get pretty decent sleep last night, so that was not to blame. It's just the after-effects of a big week that seems to have taken it all right out of me today. I still managed to be up and out of bed by 10 this morning, which is apparently early around here. Around 11, Aunty Coral came in with coffee and this chocolate thing I like. She ended up staying for a while and I appreciated her thinking this week. I've been annoyed that the medical team said I can't go home just yet, but she said that they know what they're doing and that it's best to be overly cautious now than to go home, something goes wrong and have to return again. Well, that makes a lot of sense because once I'm out of here, I'm so not coming back unless I'm dying and I don't plan on doing that for a long time yet. It was rather funny that she assumed footy was on because I was wearing my Freo scarf. I was simply wearing it and sitting right under the heater because I was that cold this morning. I attempted to go outside, got two metres out the door and simply thought, stuff that. So I went back inside, turned my heater on and sat there.
Not long after my aunt left, it would be lunch time and being Saturday, not many others were up either and so I had lunch in peace and quiet and I'm thankful for that today. Lunch was good too, as I had lamb chops, vegies and fried rice. However, I was meant to be up until 5:00 today (seven hours) but was too tired and sore and so I ended up going back to bed at around 1:00. I wasn't sleepy and so I didn't try napping but I just watched the V8's while resting and waiting for 3:00 when the Dockers game would come on. I watched the game and was less than impressed. That is a harsh thing to say about the team I've followed since day one, but it's honest. They came out very flat as though they were just going to have this game handed to them and seem to have underestimated Brisbane. I'd say they were lucky to lead at the first break. Finally in the second half they managed to kick away a bit and show their class to register a 40 point win and with no reports or injuries and returning off a bye, I guess that will do. Unfortunately with Essendon winning, it means they stay fifth despite the win, but it's okay because Essendon have the bye next week and so we should catch them up then.
With impeccable timing as she seems to have, Shona arrived within about five minutes of the game ending. She thought she'd interrupted me watching the game and even though I wouldn't care if she did because she's one of my favourites, she was relieved when I said it was over. She stayed for about an hour and a half and she's the kind of person who I can really talk to properly about real life, so that was really good and hers is definitely a two-way friendship. I shared some of my lollies and chocolate with her because God knows we both need it this week. Oh, as I mentioned recently, I am trying to get soft toys for my closest female friends and although it wasn't exactly a soft toy, Shona gave me a little red squeaky lion thing. It's really funny and because it came from her, I will hold onto it and put it in the same bracket as Zoe's rabbit, Sarah's Elmo and Kathy's tiger, which seems to have disappeared. It better turn up in the near future! It couldn't have gone far because I know I had it earlier today.
My evening was good because as I just mentioned, Shona came into visit. After she left because like me, she's had a big week and needed to get home to bed, I checked and saw the second half of the Suns v Bombers game and as expected, the Bombers won fairly comfortably in the end. Although, it may have been a bit closer because the Suns were unlucky to get some injuries in that game. After that game, I found The Dark Knight on nine and have been watching it ever since. So today has been a very relaxing day with not much going on at all, but as my aunty said earlier, some days you just need to stop and rest, so that's what I've done.
Thank goodness today was a Saturday! Physically, I just didn't feel up for anything at all today. Sure, I woke up around 8:30 but I have been sore and tired all day. I did get pretty decent sleep last night, so that was not to blame. It's just the after-effects of a big week that seems to have taken it all right out of me today. I still managed to be up and out of bed by 10 this morning, which is apparently early around here. Around 11, Aunty Coral came in with coffee and this chocolate thing I like. She ended up staying for a while and I appreciated her thinking this week. I've been annoyed that the medical team said I can't go home just yet, but she said that they know what they're doing and that it's best to be overly cautious now than to go home, something goes wrong and have to return again. Well, that makes a lot of sense because once I'm out of here, I'm so not coming back unless I'm dying and I don't plan on doing that for a long time yet. It was rather funny that she assumed footy was on because I was wearing my Freo scarf. I was simply wearing it and sitting right under the heater because I was that cold this morning. I attempted to go outside, got two metres out the door and simply thought, stuff that. So I went back inside, turned my heater on and sat there.
Not long after my aunt left, it would be lunch time and being Saturday, not many others were up either and so I had lunch in peace and quiet and I'm thankful for that today. Lunch was good too, as I had lamb chops, vegies and fried rice. However, I was meant to be up until 5:00 today (seven hours) but was too tired and sore and so I ended up going back to bed at around 1:00. I wasn't sleepy and so I didn't try napping but I just watched the V8's while resting and waiting for 3:00 when the Dockers game would come on. I watched the game and was less than impressed. That is a harsh thing to say about the team I've followed since day one, but it's honest. They came out very flat as though they were just going to have this game handed to them and seem to have underestimated Brisbane. I'd say they were lucky to lead at the first break. Finally in the second half they managed to kick away a bit and show their class to register a 40 point win and with no reports or injuries and returning off a bye, I guess that will do. Unfortunately with Essendon winning, it means they stay fifth despite the win, but it's okay because Essendon have the bye next week and so we should catch them up then.
With impeccable timing as she seems to have, Shona arrived within about five minutes of the game ending. She thought she'd interrupted me watching the game and even though I wouldn't care if she did because she's one of my favourites, she was relieved when I said it was over. She stayed for about an hour and a half and she's the kind of person who I can really talk to properly about real life, so that was really good and hers is definitely a two-way friendship. I shared some of my lollies and chocolate with her because God knows we both need it this week. Oh, as I mentioned recently, I am trying to get soft toys for my closest female friends and although it wasn't exactly a soft toy, Shona gave me a little red squeaky lion thing. It's really funny and because it came from her, I will hold onto it and put it in the same bracket as Zoe's rabbit, Sarah's Elmo and Kathy's tiger, which seems to have disappeared. It better turn up in the near future! It couldn't have gone far because I know I had it earlier today.
My evening was good because as I just mentioned, Shona came into visit. After she left because like me, she's had a big week and needed to get home to bed, I checked and saw the second half of the Suns v Bombers game and as expected, the Bombers won fairly comfortably in the end. Although, it may have been a bit closer because the Suns were unlucky to get some injuries in that game. After that game, I found The Dark Knight on nine and have been watching it ever since. So today has been a very relaxing day with not much going on at all, but as my aunty said earlier, some days you just need to stop and rest, so that's what I've done.
Friday 14 June 2013
14-06-13
Friday, June 14, 2013
Today would have been the 25th birthday of the most inspiring person to have ever entered my life and yes, that is a big call and I make it without exception and I don't think anyone who has known Zoe will disagree with that kind of statement. We only spent just under two years in friendship, but we got to know each other very quickly and became the best of friends. We were so close that we could look at each other from across the room and know what the other was thinking. I could go three days without talking to her and she would know what was going on with me, without checking social media. She absolutely knew what it was to struggle medically because of her own battle with cystic fibrosis and this is why I do what I can to help with Cystic Fibrosis WA. I made a promise to her only a few weeks before she passed away that I would do everything within my power to punch that disease right in it's ugly face. The most disappointing part about today is simply that it is her birthday and I am stuck in that one place we both know and hate so well: hospital. Considering it is her birthday, it means I've listened to TFK, Glee and Stan Walker, drank Coke and noticed ALL the purple around the place. One thing I always found funny with Zoe though is that considering she loved purple, she hated the Dockers with a passion and their main colour is purple. She told me her theory with that is because she was born in 1988 and the Dockers came out seven years later, in 1995 and so they theoretically stole her favourite colour. Well, that was her theory and she stuck to it.
I woke up feeling okay about it all, but then I checked my phone and noticed a message from Shona asking me how I am and then I was awake enough to remember what today was. The morning was tough because as I said above, it felt like there was purple everywhere. Also, people were really slow today for some reason and it didn't help the situation that I was completely missed at morning tea. However, as I made mention yesterday, I do understand how these things can happen sometimes and so it wasn't too big an issue. Lunch was the usual fish on Friday and I don't mean to sound like I'm discriminating, but I do think someone is Catholic or maybe there is just enough of a Catholic following in Perth because it is a Catholic thing to have fish on Fridays.
After lunch, I had some vanilla Coke even though I don't like it because that was Zoe's favourite drink and she would want us to have some on her birthday. Then I made my way to physio because Peter told me he wanted everyone in and out because they wanted to go home, which I think is a reasonable request on a Friday. I went in there and was rather happy to have Bruce with me today who is that nice guy who is really positive and encouraging that I was talking about a few days ago. Again he was happy with my effort today and today I actually went up from 10 kgs on the machine to 15 kgs with my upper-body weights, so I must be doing something right. Although, I'm a tad confused because I then went to weigh myself on the scales and somehow in the space of four days I have lost 400 grams. Well, that's just a good excuse to keep eating more. I am feeling a little sore after that though and so I am happy that it's now the weekend and I can relax knowing Peter won't be nagging me for the next two days.
The evening was spent as most Friday nights have been lately, with Friday night football. I figured it would be a smashing because Hawthorn have looked scary good this season, beating all of the finals teams from last season, except Geelong. However, Carlton had other ideas and came out and played well. At half time, it looked like they were actually going to cause an upset and win. Hawthorn then adjusted a couple of things, lifted their instensity, Carlton dropped off and then Hawthorn ended up winning what was a close game in the end, which meant it was an entertaining evening and I got a tip right to start the weekend. Also, being Friday, I noticed we had CNN tonight and I do miss it so much. I really hope all my guys in the 11s and 12s are doing well at the moment. Well, I will just keep on doing all that I can to get back and I'm sure I will see them soon.
Before I finish for today, I need to publicly thank Shona, Brian, Kathy and Sarah. Those four people have kept me smiling today, on what is one of the hardest days for me on the calendar. Each of these are significant people in my life for way too many reasons than I can be bothered listing here because you'll simply get bored. Therefore I'm just going to say thanks to each of them for being some of the most selfless, caring people I know and for being there for me when it matters. I've got bulk love for all of you.
Today would have been the 25th birthday of the most inspiring person to have ever entered my life and yes, that is a big call and I make it without exception and I don't think anyone who has known Zoe will disagree with that kind of statement. We only spent just under two years in friendship, but we got to know each other very quickly and became the best of friends. We were so close that we could look at each other from across the room and know what the other was thinking. I could go three days without talking to her and she would know what was going on with me, without checking social media. She absolutely knew what it was to struggle medically because of her own battle with cystic fibrosis and this is why I do what I can to help with Cystic Fibrosis WA. I made a promise to her only a few weeks before she passed away that I would do everything within my power to punch that disease right in it's ugly face. The most disappointing part about today is simply that it is her birthday and I am stuck in that one place we both know and hate so well: hospital. Considering it is her birthday, it means I've listened to TFK, Glee and Stan Walker, drank Coke and noticed ALL the purple around the place. One thing I always found funny with Zoe though is that considering she loved purple, she hated the Dockers with a passion and their main colour is purple. She told me her theory with that is because she was born in 1988 and the Dockers came out seven years later, in 1995 and so they theoretically stole her favourite colour. Well, that was her theory and she stuck to it.
I woke up feeling okay about it all, but then I checked my phone and noticed a message from Shona asking me how I am and then I was awake enough to remember what today was. The morning was tough because as I said above, it felt like there was purple everywhere. Also, people were really slow today for some reason and it didn't help the situation that I was completely missed at morning tea. However, as I made mention yesterday, I do understand how these things can happen sometimes and so it wasn't too big an issue. Lunch was the usual fish on Friday and I don't mean to sound like I'm discriminating, but I do think someone is Catholic or maybe there is just enough of a Catholic following in Perth because it is a Catholic thing to have fish on Fridays.
After lunch, I had some vanilla Coke even though I don't like it because that was Zoe's favourite drink and she would want us to have some on her birthday. Then I made my way to physio because Peter told me he wanted everyone in and out because they wanted to go home, which I think is a reasonable request on a Friday. I went in there and was rather happy to have Bruce with me today who is that nice guy who is really positive and encouraging that I was talking about a few days ago. Again he was happy with my effort today and today I actually went up from 10 kgs on the machine to 15 kgs with my upper-body weights, so I must be doing something right. Although, I'm a tad confused because I then went to weigh myself on the scales and somehow in the space of four days I have lost 400 grams. Well, that's just a good excuse to keep eating more. I am feeling a little sore after that though and so I am happy that it's now the weekend and I can relax knowing Peter won't be nagging me for the next two days.
The evening was spent as most Friday nights have been lately, with Friday night football. I figured it would be a smashing because Hawthorn have looked scary good this season, beating all of the finals teams from last season, except Geelong. However, Carlton had other ideas and came out and played well. At half time, it looked like they were actually going to cause an upset and win. Hawthorn then adjusted a couple of things, lifted their instensity, Carlton dropped off and then Hawthorn ended up winning what was a close game in the end, which meant it was an entertaining evening and I got a tip right to start the weekend. Also, being Friday, I noticed we had CNN tonight and I do miss it so much. I really hope all my guys in the 11s and 12s are doing well at the moment. Well, I will just keep on doing all that I can to get back and I'm sure I will see them soon.
Before I finish for today, I need to publicly thank Shona, Brian, Kathy and Sarah. Those four people have kept me smiling today, on what is one of the hardest days for me on the calendar. Each of these are significant people in my life for way too many reasons than I can be bothered listing here because you'll simply get bored. Therefore I'm just going to say thanks to each of them for being some of the most selfless, caring people I know and for being there for me when it matters. I've got bulk love for all of you.
Thursday 13 June 2013
13-06-13
Thursday, June 13, 2013
I need to start today with being direct and honest. Well, when am I not? I started this morning with kicking myself and beating myself up over the way I reacted to my doctor telling me I'm at least two more weeks away from going home. However, I came to realize later in the day that there are enough people and circumstances in life to kick you around and so you don't need to do it to yourself.
With the help of good sleep, Switchfoot, yummy food, Jesus time and some hugs, today was a lot better than yesterday. Sure, this morning was a bit slow and annoying because apparently they were busy but I know for a fact Thursdays are not busy, just the person looking after me is a slow worker. She's not a person who doesn't care and she isn't bad at her job, just slow. Therefore I didn't get out of bed until 11:45, so not even enough time to get outside before lunch would arrive today. That wasn't really a bad thing though because I wasn't feeling too awake still as I'd had no coffee because for some reason they missed me this morning. Well, it happens sometimes and when you realize that one person is responsible for making all of the drinks for every person, you begin to understand that sometimes mistakes do happen without intention.
I honestly can't remember what was for lunch, but it couldn't have been terrible or it would have stuck in my mind. Finally, I managed to get outside and it was so good today.Then, this is where the hugs and yummy food were happening because it was Sheila's birthday today. Sheila is a lovely staff member from South Africa and she loves Jesus heaps. She's said to me previously that I am like her white Australian son that she never had. Seriously, as one other guy said today, you can't help but have your mood lifted when Sheila is looking after you. We had chocolate and caramel cheesecake, pies, spring rolls, sausage rolls and it was all homemade, nothing store-bought. Also, in reference to the hugs, it's apparently unprofessional for patients and staff to hug, but that went right out of the window today with Sheila's birthday. She gave everyone a hug and so the other staff joined in and there were hugs all round today. Hopefully this is the start of a new thing here because if you ask me, NOT hugging is unprofessional! Oh, I guess I need to mention here that during the eating of the cake, the stupidest action of the day award went to myself. I wasn't concentrating on what I was doing. I thought there was cake already on my metal fork, didn't have my mouth open very much and managed to stab myself with my fork in my gums and make myself bleed enough to require medical attention. All is fine and dandy now and I managed to talk my way out of getting stitches.
After all that, my mood was definitely lifting. It wasn't fine, but definitely better than it had been previously. After all the mess was cleaned up, both of the birthday shindig and my injury, I went back outside and just stopped for a few minutes. There is one spot outside where if I position my chair properly, I am in the sunlight, looking at some great flowers and not looking at any medical buildings, so I'm feeling like I'm somewhere else, for a few minutes at least. I grabbed my iPod, turned my phone off and just sat there with some Switchfoot. My mood then came right back to normal and after some Switchfoot, I had some good Jesus time and gave the entirity of yesterday's situation into God's hands. Seriously, when you're in a situation like that, who do you believe? God, or the doctor? God has kept me alive and prevented death 20+ times at least. Sure, medical science and doctors have done well for me, but they haven't shown the faithfulness that my God has shown.
After my afternoon tea coffee and having a renewed mood, I made my way over to the physio gym, with a keen focus on making up for my no-show yesterday. Sure, I did nothing different with my weights sets, but on the hand-bike, I was told to do 100 revolutions. I looked Peter in the eye and said I will raise him to 500. I ended up doing 1000. Sure, I practically fell out of the gym and into my bed and absolutely stunk of body odour, but I did it because you should never poke a bear in the eye because when he gets back up, you're dead. That's what yesterday felt like to me and today I got back up. Today I wanted to make amends for yesterday and I feel like I managed to do that. Even Peter who is a hard man, said it was good today, so I'm happy. Now the important thing is to remain consistent with that kind of effort and to be fair, even though they didn't state why, I think my inconsistency with that could be one reason I am not going home just yet. Therefore I am going to do all I can with eating properly, resting, going to physio and then I will know I am doing all that I can to look after myself. Then, I know God will do the rest.
The evening hasn't had much, just the standard boring stuff on television and the eating of chocolate. In closing, I must admit mixed feelings ahead of tomorrow as it would have been Zoe Johnston's 25th birthday. It's good because I know she has a perfectly healthy body in heaven and is pain-free, but it would be cool to be celebrating her birthday with her tomorrow. Well, I know she's happy and will be having a good party in heaven and even though I don't like it, I will do my best to have a vanilla Coke for her tomorrow.
I need to start today with being direct and honest. Well, when am I not? I started this morning with kicking myself and beating myself up over the way I reacted to my doctor telling me I'm at least two more weeks away from going home. However, I came to realize later in the day that there are enough people and circumstances in life to kick you around and so you don't need to do it to yourself.
With the help of good sleep, Switchfoot, yummy food, Jesus time and some hugs, today was a lot better than yesterday. Sure, this morning was a bit slow and annoying because apparently they were busy but I know for a fact Thursdays are not busy, just the person looking after me is a slow worker. She's not a person who doesn't care and she isn't bad at her job, just slow. Therefore I didn't get out of bed until 11:45, so not even enough time to get outside before lunch would arrive today. That wasn't really a bad thing though because I wasn't feeling too awake still as I'd had no coffee because for some reason they missed me this morning. Well, it happens sometimes and when you realize that one person is responsible for making all of the drinks for every person, you begin to understand that sometimes mistakes do happen without intention.
I honestly can't remember what was for lunch, but it couldn't have been terrible or it would have stuck in my mind. Finally, I managed to get outside and it was so good today.Then, this is where the hugs and yummy food were happening because it was Sheila's birthday today. Sheila is a lovely staff member from South Africa and she loves Jesus heaps. She's said to me previously that I am like her white Australian son that she never had. Seriously, as one other guy said today, you can't help but have your mood lifted when Sheila is looking after you. We had chocolate and caramel cheesecake, pies, spring rolls, sausage rolls and it was all homemade, nothing store-bought. Also, in reference to the hugs, it's apparently unprofessional for patients and staff to hug, but that went right out of the window today with Sheila's birthday. She gave everyone a hug and so the other staff joined in and there were hugs all round today. Hopefully this is the start of a new thing here because if you ask me, NOT hugging is unprofessional! Oh, I guess I need to mention here that during the eating of the cake, the stupidest action of the day award went to myself. I wasn't concentrating on what I was doing. I thought there was cake already on my metal fork, didn't have my mouth open very much and managed to stab myself with my fork in my gums and make myself bleed enough to require medical attention. All is fine and dandy now and I managed to talk my way out of getting stitches.
After all that, my mood was definitely lifting. It wasn't fine, but definitely better than it had been previously. After all the mess was cleaned up, both of the birthday shindig and my injury, I went back outside and just stopped for a few minutes. There is one spot outside where if I position my chair properly, I am in the sunlight, looking at some great flowers and not looking at any medical buildings, so I'm feeling like I'm somewhere else, for a few minutes at least. I grabbed my iPod, turned my phone off and just sat there with some Switchfoot. My mood then came right back to normal and after some Switchfoot, I had some good Jesus time and gave the entirity of yesterday's situation into God's hands. Seriously, when you're in a situation like that, who do you believe? God, or the doctor? God has kept me alive and prevented death 20+ times at least. Sure, medical science and doctors have done well for me, but they haven't shown the faithfulness that my God has shown.
After my afternoon tea coffee and having a renewed mood, I made my way over to the physio gym, with a keen focus on making up for my no-show yesterday. Sure, I did nothing different with my weights sets, but on the hand-bike, I was told to do 100 revolutions. I looked Peter in the eye and said I will raise him to 500. I ended up doing 1000. Sure, I practically fell out of the gym and into my bed and absolutely stunk of body odour, but I did it because you should never poke a bear in the eye because when he gets back up, you're dead. That's what yesterday felt like to me and today I got back up. Today I wanted to make amends for yesterday and I feel like I managed to do that. Even Peter who is a hard man, said it was good today, so I'm happy. Now the important thing is to remain consistent with that kind of effort and to be fair, even though they didn't state why, I think my inconsistency with that could be one reason I am not going home just yet. Therefore I am going to do all I can with eating properly, resting, going to physio and then I will know I am doing all that I can to look after myself. Then, I know God will do the rest.
The evening hasn't had much, just the standard boring stuff on television and the eating of chocolate. In closing, I must admit mixed feelings ahead of tomorrow as it would have been Zoe Johnston's 25th birthday. It's good because I know she has a perfectly healthy body in heaven and is pain-free, but it would be cool to be celebrating her birthday with her tomorrow. Well, I know she's happy and will be having a good party in heaven and even though I don't like it, I will do my best to have a vanilla Coke for her tomorrow.
Wednesday 12 June 2013
12-06-13
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Yesterday I made a reference to hitting brick walls. Well, today was not much different at all. If there was one difference, it's the effect of the brick wall was a million times harder than yesterday. Today was a good day, but then I got out of bed and it all went down the drain. If you are looking for positivity and a blog about how I'm going to dominate and change the world, it is not today. It was not a good day and to be honest, I couldn't even fake it today.
It started with me finally getting out of bed because Wednesdays are typically busy here with it being doctor day all around. So I was not getting out of bed any time before 10:30 today and that proved to be true. At 10:50, I attempted to shower but the guy I share a bathroom with slept in and told me he had an appointment at 11:00 and so he needed to shower and right then. Being in a fairly good mood, I didn't mind and told him I'd just have a wash and he takes priority, but that he should tell me these things and plan his time better in the future so that we are both not inconvenienced.
So I was already a bit frustrated and had only just got out of bed. Then, only a few minutes after getting out of bed, I noticed the doctors were in and so I stayed there instead of going outside because they did want to see me. This was where my day really hit the fan. You see, if you've been reading the past couple of days, they were really happy and I was going to be going home in the next few days. However, they told me today I am not quite ready and although they were not specific, they said I will not be going home for at least another week or two, possibly more. I've heard statements like that many times in my life where medical professionals have changed their minds at the last second and it usually just rolls off my shoulders. Today was very different and to be fair, I'm rather disappointed with myself for reacting the way I did. I immediately froze, turned my phone to silent and went outside. I couldn't hold back the emotion of the situation and the tears just rolled. I've done everything I have been asked for five long months of hell and now it feels like they just keep finding the most miniscule reason to keep me in hospital. Well, I am so tired of it and all I want now is just to go home and they won't let me and they aren't even telling me exactly why.
If that's not enough for one day, I obviously was not feeling up to going to physio today. Peter was in the hall way and saw me sitting there. He told me it's not good enough, how useless I am and how much I need to lift my game and to harden up. I simply didn't say anything to him because I feared if I did, I may have lost my temper today, so I bit my tongue. I then went outside, as far in the bush as I could and just sat there until I needed to come back in for dinner, which I didn't touch anyway because it looked terrible.
To make things worse, the one person who can understand my situation today can't help because she's in heaven. Zoe would totally be a decent help to me today and even though a couple of people did try and help, and I do appreciate the efforts, today was just horrible because it felt like I couldn't find anyone who could truly relate to how tired I am right now. Well, it may only be early but I'm ready for bed because today just needs to end.
Yesterday I made a reference to hitting brick walls. Well, today was not much different at all. If there was one difference, it's the effect of the brick wall was a million times harder than yesterday. Today was a good day, but then I got out of bed and it all went down the drain. If you are looking for positivity and a blog about how I'm going to dominate and change the world, it is not today. It was not a good day and to be honest, I couldn't even fake it today.
It started with me finally getting out of bed because Wednesdays are typically busy here with it being doctor day all around. So I was not getting out of bed any time before 10:30 today and that proved to be true. At 10:50, I attempted to shower but the guy I share a bathroom with slept in and told me he had an appointment at 11:00 and so he needed to shower and right then. Being in a fairly good mood, I didn't mind and told him I'd just have a wash and he takes priority, but that he should tell me these things and plan his time better in the future so that we are both not inconvenienced.
So I was already a bit frustrated and had only just got out of bed. Then, only a few minutes after getting out of bed, I noticed the doctors were in and so I stayed there instead of going outside because they did want to see me. This was where my day really hit the fan. You see, if you've been reading the past couple of days, they were really happy and I was going to be going home in the next few days. However, they told me today I am not quite ready and although they were not specific, they said I will not be going home for at least another week or two, possibly more. I've heard statements like that many times in my life where medical professionals have changed their minds at the last second and it usually just rolls off my shoulders. Today was very different and to be fair, I'm rather disappointed with myself for reacting the way I did. I immediately froze, turned my phone to silent and went outside. I couldn't hold back the emotion of the situation and the tears just rolled. I've done everything I have been asked for five long months of hell and now it feels like they just keep finding the most miniscule reason to keep me in hospital. Well, I am so tired of it and all I want now is just to go home and they won't let me and they aren't even telling me exactly why.
If that's not enough for one day, I obviously was not feeling up to going to physio today. Peter was in the hall way and saw me sitting there. He told me it's not good enough, how useless I am and how much I need to lift my game and to harden up. I simply didn't say anything to him because I feared if I did, I may have lost my temper today, so I bit my tongue. I then went outside, as far in the bush as I could and just sat there until I needed to come back in for dinner, which I didn't touch anyway because it looked terrible.
To make things worse, the one person who can understand my situation today can't help because she's in heaven. Zoe would totally be a decent help to me today and even though a couple of people did try and help, and I do appreciate the efforts, today was just horrible because it felt like I couldn't find anyone who could truly relate to how tired I am right now. Well, it may only be early but I'm ready for bed because today just needs to end.
Tuesday 11 June 2013
11-06-13
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Brick walls can be great, they can be horrible. They can keep us safe from storms and they can hit us right in the face. Lately I have experienced both extremes of these, but today was definitely the latter of the two.
In a strange turn of events for me, my morning turned out to be the best part of my day. I got some decent sleep, had a good breakfast and woke up to some decent staff. Trust me, decent staff make a shift in hospital so much easier than terrible staff who either don't know what they are doing or don't care about what they are doing. However, when you get some of those rare people who both care about what they are doing because they remember you are a human with feelings and they know what they are doing, it's amazing and something to be thankful for. I've finally made an agreement with the guy next door whom I share a bathroom with, Jeff, as to good times to use the bathroom because it's not fair I miss out completely, but neither of us should need to sacrifice our sleep either. We worked out a good plan and this morning, we were both able to do what was needed. Although, everyone said to me today, even people not here at the hospital, that this morning just flew by and before we all knew it, it would be lunch time. I got outside and chilled in the sun for a bit, grabbed an iced coffee from a little lunch bar next door and then came back because lunch was about to be served.
Everyone would then start staring at me because my phone rang. It was Kathy and I immediately smiled like a tool because I haven't seen or spoken to her properly for a while because she's been busy with real life. I may have also fist-pumped at this time. She just happened to call just as lunch was being served and the staff looked at me as if to ask if I'm going to eat my lunch and talk. I gave them a look that said no, best friend > food. After I'd spoken to her, I then got to my lunch, which was an Asian style grilled fish with vegies and I found it really good. Also, I've found recently there is one guy who works in the kitchen and he makes the best coffees out of everyone on staff. Everyone else either makes it strong and cold, or hot and weak. However, he makes them both hot and strong, like all coffee should be. So then that meant after I'd eaten lunch I had a decent amount of energy, so I went to physio. This is where my fun would stop for the day.
I got through most of my session fine and they were once again happy with my effort. I need to mention here for those that don't know, I've got a real bad needle phobia. One of the other patients has been particularly unwell for the past week or so and there was a nurse with her in the gym today, which isn't unusual to see in a hospital, so I didn't think anything of it. However, I caught the sight of her receiving a blood test while I was just finishing. I immediately jumped and started freaking out. I'm not normally as bad as I was today, especially when I'm not the one receiving the blood test. My pulse started racing. I immediately felt dizzy and ended up going outside and well, that's where my lunch ended up. I am happy to have got through the session, but I was supposed to be up for another two hours, until 4:30, but ended up being back in bed feeling unwell by 2:30. I went to sleep and woke at around 4:00. The nurse on this afternoon asked if I'd like to get back up this evening, but I simply said it isn't worth risking it considering I've been a bit unwell. Therefore I just lied in bed watching the afternoon cartoons, news and after that anything else I could find to pass the time really. That's also a pretty good way to sum up my evening as well. I'm feeling much better and I am okay now. I've been drinking lots of water and eaten some fruit and did get my dinner down so I think I'm good.
In the end, although I feel like I hit a brick wall today, I still managed to do what was required and so I guess I am still one day closer to getting home. Also, speaking to best friend is always a good thing! However, just keep those needles away from me please!
Brick walls can be great, they can be horrible. They can keep us safe from storms and they can hit us right in the face. Lately I have experienced both extremes of these, but today was definitely the latter of the two.
In a strange turn of events for me, my morning turned out to be the best part of my day. I got some decent sleep, had a good breakfast and woke up to some decent staff. Trust me, decent staff make a shift in hospital so much easier than terrible staff who either don't know what they are doing or don't care about what they are doing. However, when you get some of those rare people who both care about what they are doing because they remember you are a human with feelings and they know what they are doing, it's amazing and something to be thankful for. I've finally made an agreement with the guy next door whom I share a bathroom with, Jeff, as to good times to use the bathroom because it's not fair I miss out completely, but neither of us should need to sacrifice our sleep either. We worked out a good plan and this morning, we were both able to do what was needed. Although, everyone said to me today, even people not here at the hospital, that this morning just flew by and before we all knew it, it would be lunch time. I got outside and chilled in the sun for a bit, grabbed an iced coffee from a little lunch bar next door and then came back because lunch was about to be served.
Everyone would then start staring at me because my phone rang. It was Kathy and I immediately smiled like a tool because I haven't seen or spoken to her properly for a while because she's been busy with real life. I may have also fist-pumped at this time. She just happened to call just as lunch was being served and the staff looked at me as if to ask if I'm going to eat my lunch and talk. I gave them a look that said no, best friend > food. After I'd spoken to her, I then got to my lunch, which was an Asian style grilled fish with vegies and I found it really good. Also, I've found recently there is one guy who works in the kitchen and he makes the best coffees out of everyone on staff. Everyone else either makes it strong and cold, or hot and weak. However, he makes them both hot and strong, like all coffee should be. So then that meant after I'd eaten lunch I had a decent amount of energy, so I went to physio. This is where my fun would stop for the day.
I got through most of my session fine and they were once again happy with my effort. I need to mention here for those that don't know, I've got a real bad needle phobia. One of the other patients has been particularly unwell for the past week or so and there was a nurse with her in the gym today, which isn't unusual to see in a hospital, so I didn't think anything of it. However, I caught the sight of her receiving a blood test while I was just finishing. I immediately jumped and started freaking out. I'm not normally as bad as I was today, especially when I'm not the one receiving the blood test. My pulse started racing. I immediately felt dizzy and ended up going outside and well, that's where my lunch ended up. I am happy to have got through the session, but I was supposed to be up for another two hours, until 4:30, but ended up being back in bed feeling unwell by 2:30. I went to sleep and woke at around 4:00. The nurse on this afternoon asked if I'd like to get back up this evening, but I simply said it isn't worth risking it considering I've been a bit unwell. Therefore I just lied in bed watching the afternoon cartoons, news and after that anything else I could find to pass the time really. That's also a pretty good way to sum up my evening as well. I'm feeling much better and I am okay now. I've been drinking lots of water and eaten some fruit and did get my dinner down so I think I'm good.
In the end, although I feel like I hit a brick wall today, I still managed to do what was required and so I guess I am still one day closer to getting home. Also, speaking to best friend is always a good thing! However, just keep those needles away from me please!
Monday 10 June 2013
10-06-13
Monday, June 10, 2013
Most people, none of my friends of course, automatically hate on Mondays simply because it's the start of the working week. Seriously, that's such a lame, negative attitude to have and it means your day is going to suck, just because it's a Monday. Really? At least let something happen before you decide how your day is going to turn out. Well, you know what? I like Monday because it's the start of a new week and especially when you're in hospital, it presents new challenges and more action. Being a Monday, I woke to the sight of coffee and a bacon and egg sandwich. Seriously, I could get used to waking to that, even if it is only Monday and Friday.
Not long after that, I saw Maria, the clinical nurse who's been looking after me since admission. She is very happy with my progress at the moment and even mentioned one word I don't like mentioning until it's 100% certain: discharge. She even gave me a date and I have deliberately not told anyone yet because as has happened many times during my life, I can get a discharge date and everything looking great to go home, only for them to find something really pedantic and change their minds at the last second. Therefore I'm not telling anyone, except Mum, until I am actually in Mum's car and heading down the road. Just know that it is very soon!
I tried to keep a lid on it, but if you know me well, you'll know I found that rather difficult and consequently I have been smiling like an idiot all day. I even had people try and whine to me about pointless things again and I think it just went way over my head. Even my physio who is usually grumpy and telling me that my effort isn't upto standard was happy with me today, which is probably why I'm a bit tired and sore now. Also, on that, I did weigh myself and now I'm at 40.3 kilograms. It doesn't sound like much, but when you consider in January I was down to 34.6 and I have crazy fast metabolism and couldn't eat for two weeks as I had life-saving surgery next to my brain, that's not bad at all, so even my dietician is happy.
It was a pretty busy day today but I still managed to have a decent shower as well as a decent breakfast. I had my lunch and was all by myself today because nobody else was getting out of bed for one reason or another, but I just accepted the serenity. I was then presented with a choice to either watch the Queen's birthday clash between the bogans and losers, Collingwood and Melbourne, or go outside. Not a hard choice, really, especially when the sun was nice like it was today. I noticed while I was outside, there has been one purple orchid growing nicely and today, it had three flowers coming out of the plant! That's just nuts and I promise by the end of the week, I will take a photo and put it on Facebook and Instagram. After I'd psyched myself up and made eye contact with Peter, my physio, in the hall, I was reminded to go to the gym and so I went. I was relieved to notice Peter himself wasn't in the gym today and there was another guy. I forget his name right now but he's a really decent guy to work with and also very encouraging and made me feel like I put in a decent effort this afternoon, so not even a hard slog in physio could steal my joy today. It only increased it more.
Dinner again was a fairly standard dinner for here. It wasn't terrible, but nothing to write about, so I won't much. It was a basic shepherd's pie with not much taste and it just made me happy to be going home to Mum who can make pretty good food, such as shepherd's pie. I also watched Top Gear tonight as is my Monday night custom and must admit to getting my Aussie bogan on and fist-pumping my television when I noticed Brian Johnson, the front man of ACDC was the star in the reasonably priced car tonight. Seriously, who doesn't love a legend like that? And on that bombshell, ladies and gentlemen it's time to end, goodnight.
Most people, none of my friends of course, automatically hate on Mondays simply because it's the start of the working week. Seriously, that's such a lame, negative attitude to have and it means your day is going to suck, just because it's a Monday. Really? At least let something happen before you decide how your day is going to turn out. Well, you know what? I like Monday because it's the start of a new week and especially when you're in hospital, it presents new challenges and more action. Being a Monday, I woke to the sight of coffee and a bacon and egg sandwich. Seriously, I could get used to waking to that, even if it is only Monday and Friday.
Not long after that, I saw Maria, the clinical nurse who's been looking after me since admission. She is very happy with my progress at the moment and even mentioned one word I don't like mentioning until it's 100% certain: discharge. She even gave me a date and I have deliberately not told anyone yet because as has happened many times during my life, I can get a discharge date and everything looking great to go home, only for them to find something really pedantic and change their minds at the last second. Therefore I'm not telling anyone, except Mum, until I am actually in Mum's car and heading down the road. Just know that it is very soon!
I tried to keep a lid on it, but if you know me well, you'll know I found that rather difficult and consequently I have been smiling like an idiot all day. I even had people try and whine to me about pointless things again and I think it just went way over my head. Even my physio who is usually grumpy and telling me that my effort isn't upto standard was happy with me today, which is probably why I'm a bit tired and sore now. Also, on that, I did weigh myself and now I'm at 40.3 kilograms. It doesn't sound like much, but when you consider in January I was down to 34.6 and I have crazy fast metabolism and couldn't eat for two weeks as I had life-saving surgery next to my brain, that's not bad at all, so even my dietician is happy.
It was a pretty busy day today but I still managed to have a decent shower as well as a decent breakfast. I had my lunch and was all by myself today because nobody else was getting out of bed for one reason or another, but I just accepted the serenity. I was then presented with a choice to either watch the Queen's birthday clash between the bogans and losers, Collingwood and Melbourne, or go outside. Not a hard choice, really, especially when the sun was nice like it was today. I noticed while I was outside, there has been one purple orchid growing nicely and today, it had three flowers coming out of the plant! That's just nuts and I promise by the end of the week, I will take a photo and put it on Facebook and Instagram. After I'd psyched myself up and made eye contact with Peter, my physio, in the hall, I was reminded to go to the gym and so I went. I was relieved to notice Peter himself wasn't in the gym today and there was another guy. I forget his name right now but he's a really decent guy to work with and also very encouraging and made me feel like I put in a decent effort this afternoon, so not even a hard slog in physio could steal my joy today. It only increased it more.
Dinner again was a fairly standard dinner for here. It wasn't terrible, but nothing to write about, so I won't much. It was a basic shepherd's pie with not much taste and it just made me happy to be going home to Mum who can make pretty good food, such as shepherd's pie. I also watched Top Gear tonight as is my Monday night custom and must admit to getting my Aussie bogan on and fist-pumping my television when I noticed Brian Johnson, the front man of ACDC was the star in the reasonably priced car tonight. Seriously, who doesn't love a legend like that? And on that bombshell, ladies and gentlemen it's time to end, goodnight.
Sunday 9 June 2013
09-06-13
Sunday, June 9, 2013
If it were physically possible, today punched yesterday in it's scrawny little face and for anyone who is remotely interested in state of origin, it did a lot better job than Paul Gallen did on Nate Myles on Wednesday and without even trying at all.
It was a very slow start to the day but according to Zoe, who was looking after me this morning, she felt a bit slow herself today anyway and it was a very mutual feeling around the place for everyone today. Immediately, the song "Lazy Sunday" by The Lonely Island just happened to pop into my head. It's not a bad thing to have a morning like that on a Sunday because nothing happens around here on weekends anyway. I was awake, washed and out of bed anyway by 11 so all good. Oh, I must state here that although I was still feeling a bit unwell, I was better than last night and thought that with some good food and fresh air, I will be okay and that proved to be true today.
Zoe told me it was cold outside and for her standards, considering she's from Ireland, that means it's really cold and she was definitely right today. However, it was okay because there is a slight undercover bit out the front and so I sat there watching the rain on the rosebush, getting some fresh air and listening to the tunes of Matt Corby. I don't usually like the rain because I'm normally trying to get somewhere in it, but today I must admit it was really nice.
My aunt then came in around lunch time and did some procrasti-visiting. She is studying a masters degree and has a 6, 000 word essay to do, which sounds like pure evil. Anyway, she came in with a coffee and chocolate muffin thing like an absolute life saver and ended up staying for around an hour. She told me that she just didn't want to do it and didn't feel up to it today and I could tell that she was just putting it off, but I am not one to tell her not to do that because to be fair, I'd have done the same thing if the roles were reversed. Besides, I'd never tell anyone not to bring me a coffee.
After lunch, not much happened because of the rain and not many others were up and out of bed today, so I just grabbed the opportunity to listen to absolutely nothing for a few minutes. Seriously, that's a very rare thing in a hospital and it was almost scary, because normally when it is that quiet, the proverbial is about to hit the fan, but it didn't. I was bored and everyone was watching the Eagles game and so I had nothing better to do and decided to watch that and must admit that it was a rather entertaining game to watch.
Just after, mum came in and I haven't been able to see her for a while for a bunch of reasons and it was really good. She helped me find a secret stash of junk food I thought was already eaten and so I am totally having midnight snacks right about now. Hey, I'm on a get fat diet so don't judge me! We also sorted out my life and everything boring like that because unfortunately even when you are in hospital long-term, people still expect you to pay bills and do stupid things like that because it's a sad reality that money makes the world go around. That's another rant for another day!
I felt a bit more refreshed than I did yesterday emotionally because I was able to have some chill time by myself, some fairly good sleep, even though I did wake up twice last night and some Jesus time. Therefore even though it wasn't as bad, I did manage to get strength from that and shrug off any negativity that came my way today, which is something I have struggled with these past few days. Seriously, if you are feeling a bit crappy and can't quite put your finger on it and it gets to the point where you are feeling ill physically, check how much Jesus time you've had. I guarantee you haven't had enough. Which brings me around to the fact it's Sunday and today I simply had to laugh. One of the guys in here, Russell, is a typical Kiwi guy and he never shuts up about how great the Allblacks are. Seriously, we do not care and we know Australia will never see the Bledisloe cup again. Anywho, he has a very bad potty mouth and I've grown up very unsheltered and so swearing really doesn't phase me. Well, he noticed some Metro Church cd's on my table and asked me about them. I told him it's the church I attend and he gave me a funny look. He then very genuinely shook my hand, apologized for his choice of words around me and said he will not swear around me in future because he said your God won't like that. I just smiled and said it's not a worry but if you feel that's what you want to do, I respect your effort to do that.
Also, while I was up, I went outside with my Elmo and people were giving me funny looks, so I would just like to state this:
Yes, I am a grown man who hugs soft toys, especially when they represent some of the most amazing people I know and at times like these when I miss them, such as Elmo = Sarah. What of it? At least I'm secure enough in my manhood to do that. I have a tiger for Kathy, Elmo for Sarah and a rabbit for Zoe Johnston and so now I just need something for Amy and Shona and then I will have one for all the decent women in my life who don't have cooties.
Anywho, it's nearly midnight and Elmo is giving me looks and so I better hug it and get some sleep.
If it were physically possible, today punched yesterday in it's scrawny little face and for anyone who is remotely interested in state of origin, it did a lot better job than Paul Gallen did on Nate Myles on Wednesday and without even trying at all.
It was a very slow start to the day but according to Zoe, who was looking after me this morning, she felt a bit slow herself today anyway and it was a very mutual feeling around the place for everyone today. Immediately, the song "Lazy Sunday" by The Lonely Island just happened to pop into my head. It's not a bad thing to have a morning like that on a Sunday because nothing happens around here on weekends anyway. I was awake, washed and out of bed anyway by 11 so all good. Oh, I must state here that although I was still feeling a bit unwell, I was better than last night and thought that with some good food and fresh air, I will be okay and that proved to be true today.
Zoe told me it was cold outside and for her standards, considering she's from Ireland, that means it's really cold and she was definitely right today. However, it was okay because there is a slight undercover bit out the front and so I sat there watching the rain on the rosebush, getting some fresh air and listening to the tunes of Matt Corby. I don't usually like the rain because I'm normally trying to get somewhere in it, but today I must admit it was really nice.
My aunt then came in around lunch time and did some procrasti-visiting. She is studying a masters degree and has a 6, 000 word essay to do, which sounds like pure evil. Anyway, she came in with a coffee and chocolate muffin thing like an absolute life saver and ended up staying for around an hour. She told me that she just didn't want to do it and didn't feel up to it today and I could tell that she was just putting it off, but I am not one to tell her not to do that because to be fair, I'd have done the same thing if the roles were reversed. Besides, I'd never tell anyone not to bring me a coffee.
After lunch, not much happened because of the rain and not many others were up and out of bed today, so I just grabbed the opportunity to listen to absolutely nothing for a few minutes. Seriously, that's a very rare thing in a hospital and it was almost scary, because normally when it is that quiet, the proverbial is about to hit the fan, but it didn't. I was bored and everyone was watching the Eagles game and so I had nothing better to do and decided to watch that and must admit that it was a rather entertaining game to watch.
Just after, mum came in and I haven't been able to see her for a while for a bunch of reasons and it was really good. She helped me find a secret stash of junk food I thought was already eaten and so I am totally having midnight snacks right about now. Hey, I'm on a get fat diet so don't judge me! We also sorted out my life and everything boring like that because unfortunately even when you are in hospital long-term, people still expect you to pay bills and do stupid things like that because it's a sad reality that money makes the world go around. That's another rant for another day!
I felt a bit more refreshed than I did yesterday emotionally because I was able to have some chill time by myself, some fairly good sleep, even though I did wake up twice last night and some Jesus time. Therefore even though it wasn't as bad, I did manage to get strength from that and shrug off any negativity that came my way today, which is something I have struggled with these past few days. Seriously, if you are feeling a bit crappy and can't quite put your finger on it and it gets to the point where you are feeling ill physically, check how much Jesus time you've had. I guarantee you haven't had enough. Which brings me around to the fact it's Sunday and today I simply had to laugh. One of the guys in here, Russell, is a typical Kiwi guy and he never shuts up about how great the Allblacks are. Seriously, we do not care and we know Australia will never see the Bledisloe cup again. Anywho, he has a very bad potty mouth and I've grown up very unsheltered and so swearing really doesn't phase me. Well, he noticed some Metro Church cd's on my table and asked me about them. I told him it's the church I attend and he gave me a funny look. He then very genuinely shook my hand, apologized for his choice of words around me and said he will not swear around me in future because he said your God won't like that. I just smiled and said it's not a worry but if you feel that's what you want to do, I respect your effort to do that.
Also, while I was up, I went outside with my Elmo and people were giving me funny looks, so I would just like to state this:
Yes, I am a grown man who hugs soft toys, especially when they represent some of the most amazing people I know and at times like these when I miss them, such as Elmo = Sarah. What of it? At least I'm secure enough in my manhood to do that. I have a tiger for Kathy, Elmo for Sarah and a rabbit for Zoe Johnston and so now I just need something for Amy and Shona and then I will have one for all the decent women in my life who don't have cooties.
Anywho, it's nearly midnight and Elmo is giving me looks and so I better hug it and get some sleep.
Saturday 8 June 2013
08-06-13
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Today started much the same as yesterday, with me missing a shower again because of the guy I share a bathroom with taking flipping ages. Oh well, it's not like I have somewhere to be and I am still clean. I did manage to get outside before lunch for a bit of chill time which was good but it was a bit colder than I would have liked, so I came back in for lunch and didn't go back out again. Besides, being Saturday and considering I was allowed up for 4 hours twice today, totalling eight hours, I found the big screen tv, made sure it was on the footy channel as it does have Foxtel and parked myself right there. Even though I was clearly watching the games today, people still managed to come to me and whine about useless crap, to the point where I sat there and had my headphones on my head (with no music on) just so nobody would talk to me for a while.
I watched Geelong v Giants, which is top vs bottom and so you'd expect a slaughter, right? Well, to their credit, the Giants took it right up to Geelong and proved that even if you are young and inexperienced and up against the best team since 2007, with effort you can do amazing things. The stats will prove they lost the game by 59 points which sounds like a lot, but the scores were level at three quarter time. For a team who have only been in the AFL for one and a half years, that's a really good effort and I'm sure they gained a lot of respect for that. I then watched Sydney absolutely maul Adelaide, so that was boring but there was nothing better to do today and then I watched Gold Coast beat the Kangaroos. They just had more hunger and I think the home ground advantage proved, especially considering the weather was torrential rain. Also, I can honestly state right now I did tip Gold Coast.
However, despite me feeling emotionally tired of my current situation, I am hanging in there because I don't know any other way. Giving up is not an option and has never been my style anyway. I know there is not long left and so I will be doing whatever it takes to get myself out of here as quickly as possible.
As I previously stated, I got up for four hours today, twice. First time I got up I went back to bed at 3:00 and felt fine, just tired. I didn't have a nap because I was due to get up at 4:00 and I hate napping during the day anyway because I then struggle to sleep at night. Second time I got up today was not as good as the first. I was due to go back to bed at 8:00 and from about 7:00 onward, I started feeling a bit dizzy, nautious and nearly threw up. Then, since I've been back in bed, my back and hips have decided they are in pain and I do still feel a bit unwell and very tired. Before you ask, yes I have eaten properly today. I'm not telling anyone because as I have stated in a previous blog, medication doesn't really help me anyway because of my extensive medical history. I think my body just isn't used to being up for so long and so hopefully I will be fine by tomorrow.
The list of things I wouldn't do for a hug from someone who cares is pretty short, just like the list of those who genuinely do care, but I guess I will just settle for watching the end of Avatar and trying to get some decent sleep tonight.
Today started much the same as yesterday, with me missing a shower again because of the guy I share a bathroom with taking flipping ages. Oh well, it's not like I have somewhere to be and I am still clean. I did manage to get outside before lunch for a bit of chill time which was good but it was a bit colder than I would have liked, so I came back in for lunch and didn't go back out again. Besides, being Saturday and considering I was allowed up for 4 hours twice today, totalling eight hours, I found the big screen tv, made sure it was on the footy channel as it does have Foxtel and parked myself right there. Even though I was clearly watching the games today, people still managed to come to me and whine about useless crap, to the point where I sat there and had my headphones on my head (with no music on) just so nobody would talk to me for a while.
Lately, if patients aren't using me as their emotional outlet, staff are nagging me and telling me how I'm not doing good enough. Well, I am tired! Tired of giving my best and doing everything my doctors have asked for nearly five months and feeling like I'm getting nowhere at all. Tired of answering the same damned questions fifty times because staff can't communicate with each other. Tired of being tired. Yes, I am whinging because a guy can only take so much. For example, every day someone here will tell me how terrible the food is in here. Well you know what? Go to a major hospital in Perth and tell me it's not better here! The food here is actually not too bad at all and this is coming from a guy who has spent more time than he cares to admit in PMH, RPH, Charlies and Shenton Park rehab over the years. Yes, that food is honestly terrible. There is no other way to put that. But as for the food here, it's not too bad at all.
I watched Geelong v Giants, which is top vs bottom and so you'd expect a slaughter, right? Well, to their credit, the Giants took it right up to Geelong and proved that even if you are young and inexperienced and up against the best team since 2007, with effort you can do amazing things. The stats will prove they lost the game by 59 points which sounds like a lot, but the scores were level at three quarter time. For a team who have only been in the AFL for one and a half years, that's a really good effort and I'm sure they gained a lot of respect for that. I then watched Sydney absolutely maul Adelaide, so that was boring but there was nothing better to do today and then I watched Gold Coast beat the Kangaroos. They just had more hunger and I think the home ground advantage proved, especially considering the weather was torrential rain. Also, I can honestly state right now I did tip Gold Coast.
However, despite me feeling emotionally tired of my current situation, I am hanging in there because I don't know any other way. Giving up is not an option and has never been my style anyway. I know there is not long left and so I will be doing whatever it takes to get myself out of here as quickly as possible.
As I previously stated, I got up for four hours today, twice. First time I got up I went back to bed at 3:00 and felt fine, just tired. I didn't have a nap because I was due to get up at 4:00 and I hate napping during the day anyway because I then struggle to sleep at night. Second time I got up today was not as good as the first. I was due to go back to bed at 8:00 and from about 7:00 onward, I started feeling a bit dizzy, nautious and nearly threw up. Then, since I've been back in bed, my back and hips have decided they are in pain and I do still feel a bit unwell and very tired. Before you ask, yes I have eaten properly today. I'm not telling anyone because as I have stated in a previous blog, medication doesn't really help me anyway because of my extensive medical history. I think my body just isn't used to being up for so long and so hopefully I will be fine by tomorrow.
The list of things I wouldn't do for a hug from someone who cares is pretty short, just like the list of those who genuinely do care, but I guess I will just settle for watching the end of Avatar and trying to get some decent sleep tonight.
Friday 7 June 2013
07-06-13
Friday, June 7, 2013
Haha, I just realized that the first two numbers in today's date equal the year. Wow, someone is a bit slow today and to be fair, that's a good way to sum up my day. I think, as a consequence of yesterday being long and physically tiring, today has felt very slow and been very lazy. Not a bad day, just a slow day. It was very unproductive and I didn't even make it to the physio gym, even though I said I would go. It's strange though because I realized once I had got up that I was not the only one feeling like this today, as there were a number of others feeling much the same as me today. There was nothing particularly wrong with me emotionally. I was not feeling down about anything, but just felt tired and didn't feel up to doing anything today, so I just sat in the sun with my iPod and put my head on the side of the tree and had a nap.
I didn't get to have a shower today because I share a bathroom with one other guy and he took forever this morning for some reason. By the time it was free, it was 11:30 and then the cleaner wanted to clean it before she went for lunch, so I just had a wash today. Seriously, my own bathroom again is one thing I will appreciate all the more when I get home. I've had a bathroom to myself since I can remember because in all houses I have lived in, we have always had two bathrooms and so it's been one for me and one for mum and my sisters.
I was so tired today that even though I did have a nap already and I'd slept in, I got back into bed around 3 and fell asleep within minutes and didn't wake until around 4:15. This evening I watched the AFL game and even though I hate both teams (Carlton v Essendon) it was something to pass the time as I really had nothing better to do. It was actually a good game to watch and ended very close. Then after that, a really old Superman movie was on and so I've just been watching that, which brings me to now.
Seriously, I'd give my right foot to have been at youth tonight. Sometimes when I've had a lame week like this week, not bad, just lame, youth is the spark that wakes me up again and reminds me that life is exciting. Well, hopefully I'm out sooner rather than later because not being at youth and no Dockers game this weekend makes Perry go something something.
Haha, I just realized that the first two numbers in today's date equal the year. Wow, someone is a bit slow today and to be fair, that's a good way to sum up my day. I think, as a consequence of yesterday being long and physically tiring, today has felt very slow and been very lazy. Not a bad day, just a slow day. It was very unproductive and I didn't even make it to the physio gym, even though I said I would go. It's strange though because I realized once I had got up that I was not the only one feeling like this today, as there were a number of others feeling much the same as me today. There was nothing particularly wrong with me emotionally. I was not feeling down about anything, but just felt tired and didn't feel up to doing anything today, so I just sat in the sun with my iPod and put my head on the side of the tree and had a nap.
I didn't get to have a shower today because I share a bathroom with one other guy and he took forever this morning for some reason. By the time it was free, it was 11:30 and then the cleaner wanted to clean it before she went for lunch, so I just had a wash today. Seriously, my own bathroom again is one thing I will appreciate all the more when I get home. I've had a bathroom to myself since I can remember because in all houses I have lived in, we have always had two bathrooms and so it's been one for me and one for mum and my sisters.
I was so tired today that even though I did have a nap already and I'd slept in, I got back into bed around 3 and fell asleep within minutes and didn't wake until around 4:15. This evening I watched the AFL game and even though I hate both teams (Carlton v Essendon) it was something to pass the time as I really had nothing better to do. It was actually a good game to watch and ended very close. Then after that, a really old Superman movie was on and so I've just been watching that, which brings me to now.
Seriously, I'd give my right foot to have been at youth tonight. Sometimes when I've had a lame week like this week, not bad, just lame, youth is the spark that wakes me up again and reminds me that life is exciting. Well, hopefully I'm out sooner rather than later because not being at youth and no Dockers game this weekend makes Perry go something something.
Thursday 6 June 2013
06-06-13
Thursday, June 6, 2013
If it were physically possible at all, today would go back and visit yesterday and punch it in it's ugly face. Today totally kicked it's backside! I didn't get good sleep but I wasn't expecting much sleep last night anyway because of something happening with someone near and dear to me, but she's AH-MA-ZING, so I honestly don't mind one bit. So this morning was a slow start and it didn't make it any better that at both breakfast and morning tea, they forgot my coffee. However, that would be the end of the bad news for today.
I managed to reach another personal milestone today. I don't remember if it was mentioned yesterday but I asked my doctors if I am allowed to try and get up on my shower chair to take a proper shower and obviously without assistance. To my surprise, they unanimously agreed that it would be fine and so today, I got up and had a proper hot shower! It was so good to do that properly instead of a wash in bed. Also, it makes me feel better personally to no longer have a nursing assistant have to help me with that. Seriously, I know they are all professional and just doing their job, but it doesn't make it any less disturbing, even for a guy who has had them so many times that I should be used to it. I guess you just never get used to things like that.
After that, I had to go and listen to a lecture about spinal care but the annoying thing is, I realized today that almost everyone who is a medical professional, are perfectly healthy themselves. Most of them have no idea as to what it is like to be sick, either physiologically or emotionally whatsoever. What I'm getting at here is that most of them give the classic line to say "I know how it feels and I know more about your physical issues than you because I have a medical degree." No you do not, so shut up, stop lying to me and go find a new job, you arrogant piece of work. Sorry, just had to get that out.
Lunch today was a really good "get fat diet" feed. It was what they call a mix grill, so there was a lamb chop, beef sausage, bacon rasher, hash brown and just for laughs, an orange for dessert. I guess there had to be something moderately healthy in there for good measure. I mean, this is a hospital after all.
Not long after lunch, I had to head next door to Shenton Park rehab to see Sandy, my occupational therapist. She wanted to make sure I was still physically capable of getting into and out of a car safely. Little did I know what would come next. She asked me if I had intention of obtaining my driver's license and I said yes. I moved over to get into the driver's side and then, she told me I had to put my own chair into the car all by myself. Well, I put the seat belt on so that I was stable in the seat, put my own seat back so I was almost lying down. Then I took my cushion off and put it in the back. I took the big wheels off the frame and put both of them on the front passenger floor, before attempting to lift the frame of the chair across my body and in a sitting position in the front passenger seat. It was heavy but I did manage to do it without too much of a hassle and now I must say I have the utmost respect and gratitude to anyone who has ever loaded and unloaded my chair into a car.
As if I wasn't already tired from O.T., there was still an hour before I needed to go back into bed and so I kept my word that I would attend the gym today and got straight into it. Peter, my physio, was a lot nicer than he was yesterday when he made me feel as though my effort wasn't up to scratch. He even said to me about ten minutes before I was meant to go that I should probably head off to make sure I was back on time. I told him I was not going to leave until I was finished and I didn't. For the record, I was in bed right on time anyway.
Being in bed came at a good time because I was physically spent, so wasn't happy when the one hour I was in bed seemed to fly by really fast and before I knew it, it would be time to get back up again. I went outside to feel the last bit of sun but was a bit disappointed as only a few minutes later, it was getting cold already. Dinner was a bit disappointing tonight but that's okay because I wasn't that hungry anyway and not many others liked it either tonight. One of the other patients here started talking to me after dinner and she's got a son a little older than me. I'm not quite sure how old she is, but from talking to her tonight, we have had some very similar experiences and battles in life. It was cool to share some war stories over a coffee with someone who really could relate and understand what I was talking about.
My evening has been pretty lame because as I have previously mentioned, I have had a tiring day and so haven't done much at all. I've just been lying here trying to rest a bit as I am a bit sore already and Peter, my physio, wants me again tomorrow. God, help me! Well, that's enough for me today so I'm out of here.
If it were physically possible at all, today would go back and visit yesterday and punch it in it's ugly face. Today totally kicked it's backside! I didn't get good sleep but I wasn't expecting much sleep last night anyway because of something happening with someone near and dear to me, but she's AH-MA-ZING, so I honestly don't mind one bit. So this morning was a slow start and it didn't make it any better that at both breakfast and morning tea, they forgot my coffee. However, that would be the end of the bad news for today.
I managed to reach another personal milestone today. I don't remember if it was mentioned yesterday but I asked my doctors if I am allowed to try and get up on my shower chair to take a proper shower and obviously without assistance. To my surprise, they unanimously agreed that it would be fine and so today, I got up and had a proper hot shower! It was so good to do that properly instead of a wash in bed. Also, it makes me feel better personally to no longer have a nursing assistant have to help me with that. Seriously, I know they are all professional and just doing their job, but it doesn't make it any less disturbing, even for a guy who has had them so many times that I should be used to it. I guess you just never get used to things like that.
After that, I had to go and listen to a lecture about spinal care but the annoying thing is, I realized today that almost everyone who is a medical professional, are perfectly healthy themselves. Most of them have no idea as to what it is like to be sick, either physiologically or emotionally whatsoever. What I'm getting at here is that most of them give the classic line to say "I know how it feels and I know more about your physical issues than you because I have a medical degree." No you do not, so shut up, stop lying to me and go find a new job, you arrogant piece of work. Sorry, just had to get that out.
Lunch today was a really good "get fat diet" feed. It was what they call a mix grill, so there was a lamb chop, beef sausage, bacon rasher, hash brown and just for laughs, an orange for dessert. I guess there had to be something moderately healthy in there for good measure. I mean, this is a hospital after all.
Not long after lunch, I had to head next door to Shenton Park rehab to see Sandy, my occupational therapist. She wanted to make sure I was still physically capable of getting into and out of a car safely. Little did I know what would come next. She asked me if I had intention of obtaining my driver's license and I said yes. I moved over to get into the driver's side and then, she told me I had to put my own chair into the car all by myself. Well, I put the seat belt on so that I was stable in the seat, put my own seat back so I was almost lying down. Then I took my cushion off and put it in the back. I took the big wheels off the frame and put both of them on the front passenger floor, before attempting to lift the frame of the chair across my body and in a sitting position in the front passenger seat. It was heavy but I did manage to do it without too much of a hassle and now I must say I have the utmost respect and gratitude to anyone who has ever loaded and unloaded my chair into a car.
As if I wasn't already tired from O.T., there was still an hour before I needed to go back into bed and so I kept my word that I would attend the gym today and got straight into it. Peter, my physio, was a lot nicer than he was yesterday when he made me feel as though my effort wasn't up to scratch. He even said to me about ten minutes before I was meant to go that I should probably head off to make sure I was back on time. I told him I was not going to leave until I was finished and I didn't. For the record, I was in bed right on time anyway.
Being in bed came at a good time because I was physically spent, so wasn't happy when the one hour I was in bed seemed to fly by really fast and before I knew it, it would be time to get back up again. I went outside to feel the last bit of sun but was a bit disappointed as only a few minutes later, it was getting cold already. Dinner was a bit disappointing tonight but that's okay because I wasn't that hungry anyway and not many others liked it either tonight. One of the other patients here started talking to me after dinner and she's got a son a little older than me. I'm not quite sure how old she is, but from talking to her tonight, we have had some very similar experiences and battles in life. It was cool to share some war stories over a coffee with someone who really could relate and understand what I was talking about.
My evening has been pretty lame because as I have previously mentioned, I have had a tiring day and so haven't done much at all. I've just been lying here trying to rest a bit as I am a bit sore already and Peter, my physio, wants me again tomorrow. God, help me! Well, that's enough for me today so I'm out of here.
Wednesday 5 June 2013
05-06-13
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
For the most part, I am going to forget today ever happened. Sure, there was decent sleep because as I mentioned yesterday, I didn't need two hourly turns at night for the first time, which meant a peaceful rest and I also had the heater on so I wasn't cold either. I woke up feeling pretty good to the sound of my phone message tone and was pleasantly surprised to see it was Kathy. It was cool because even though it was just text messages, we talked a bit and I even got given a monkey! Take that, Justin Bieber! (Disclaimer: That will be the last time I ever mention that name on this blog).
The only negative about hearing from your best friend early is that was the high point of my day. It was terrible from then onwards. Not long after, I got out of bed and the nurse that was helping me get ready was one of those people who I would question whether they actually have their degree or not. He didn't even know the most simple of things that even the student knew. I knew I was going to be in for a long day! I managed to get outside and forget the world for a few minutes in the sun, so I felt a bit better, only for my mood to come crashing a few minutes later. It was time to see the doctors and they have this stupid habit of giving a positive comment, followed by a very negative one. Today they said I'm going really well and they are happy with things, but I am not quite ready and won't be going home next week, which was originally expected. Now I have no idea as to when I am going home and I don't even know exactly what it is that is stopping me because I feel pretty healthy and am doing everything for myself again. It's really frustrating but I guess it is good to have doctors that are thorough and don't let me go until they are certain I am going to be fine when I do go home.
I wasn't too hungry and so didn't eat much lunch, even though it was roast chicken which is usually one of my favourites. I went up to the physio gym, only to notice nobody was there at the time and so I just went back to bed because the weather was starting to look crappy, so being outside wasn't going to be fun for much longer. At around half two I got up again and headed straight for the physio gym. I put in a good effort and did everything that was asked of me, but apparently it wasn't good enough and so I need to go everyday now instead of every second day. Way to make a guy feel better about himself! I had dinner and it seemed again I had a sign on my head asking everyone to whine to me, so I retreated to my room early, even though I was allowed up for another half hour.
Now of course tonight I watched the rugby state of origin game, but because I promised a couple of people, I won't be giving much away here about the game. I'm just going to say it was a good way to forget about my day and my issues for a couple of hours. Hopefully I'm out for game two and so I can watch it with some Queensland-supporting friends instead of all by myself.
The last strange thing to happen today happened around an hour ago. I got a random text from mum basically saying, "You 27, why you no have kids yet?" My honest reply: "Aside from only a few women, whom I can count on one hand, women have cooties." So, ladies and gentlemen, that is why I am single and not making babies anytime soon. Cooties. That is all.
For the most part, I am going to forget today ever happened. Sure, there was decent sleep because as I mentioned yesterday, I didn't need two hourly turns at night for the first time, which meant a peaceful rest and I also had the heater on so I wasn't cold either. I woke up feeling pretty good to the sound of my phone message tone and was pleasantly surprised to see it was Kathy. It was cool because even though it was just text messages, we talked a bit and I even got given a monkey! Take that, Justin Bieber! (Disclaimer: That will be the last time I ever mention that name on this blog).
The only negative about hearing from your best friend early is that was the high point of my day. It was terrible from then onwards. Not long after, I got out of bed and the nurse that was helping me get ready was one of those people who I would question whether they actually have their degree or not. He didn't even know the most simple of things that even the student knew. I knew I was going to be in for a long day! I managed to get outside and forget the world for a few minutes in the sun, so I felt a bit better, only for my mood to come crashing a few minutes later. It was time to see the doctors and they have this stupid habit of giving a positive comment, followed by a very negative one. Today they said I'm going really well and they are happy with things, but I am not quite ready and won't be going home next week, which was originally expected. Now I have no idea as to when I am going home and I don't even know exactly what it is that is stopping me because I feel pretty healthy and am doing everything for myself again. It's really frustrating but I guess it is good to have doctors that are thorough and don't let me go until they are certain I am going to be fine when I do go home.
I wasn't too hungry and so didn't eat much lunch, even though it was roast chicken which is usually one of my favourites. I went up to the physio gym, only to notice nobody was there at the time and so I just went back to bed because the weather was starting to look crappy, so being outside wasn't going to be fun for much longer. At around half two I got up again and headed straight for the physio gym. I put in a good effort and did everything that was asked of me, but apparently it wasn't good enough and so I need to go everyday now instead of every second day. Way to make a guy feel better about himself! I had dinner and it seemed again I had a sign on my head asking everyone to whine to me, so I retreated to my room early, even though I was allowed up for another half hour.
Now of course tonight I watched the rugby state of origin game, but because I promised a couple of people, I won't be giving much away here about the game. I'm just going to say it was a good way to forget about my day and my issues for a couple of hours. Hopefully I'm out for game two and so I can watch it with some Queensland-supporting friends instead of all by myself.
The last strange thing to happen today happened around an hour ago. I got a random text from mum basically saying, "You 27, why you no have kids yet?" My honest reply: "Aside from only a few women, whom I can count on one hand, women have cooties." So, ladies and gentlemen, that is why I am single and not making babies anytime soon. Cooties. That is all.
Tuesday 4 June 2013
04-06-13
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Today I must admit has been very draining on me, both physically and emotionally. As I write this, all I want to do is lie down and put today behind me. I wasn't even going to write a blog tonight, but I remembered I am trying to be more consistent and disciplined and doing things like this, even when I don't feel like it, is just one of those things. So, I press on and am doing it.
My day was draining because I didn't get a good sleep for a start and then I had an appointment this morning at occupational therapy. It was just at really bad timing because I had to leave right on morning tea time, so I was just about to get my coffee but couldn't because I had to go. However, the lining was definitely silver in this situation because after I went to O.T. so that Sandy, my O.T. could assess how well I am doing with my chair-to-chair and chair-to-bed transfers, she made me a coffee and she made it nice and strong too, so that made up for it. Oh, she passed me on my transfers, by the way. This means I can officially get out of bed and into my chair for myself and don't need a nurse to assist me. For the last few weeks that I've been getting out of bed, they have been using a hoist because apparently it's policy to hoist patients until they are medically cleared to transfer, even if they have been doing it for their entire lives. It's frustrating when you are told you are not allowed to do something when you know you definitely have the capabilities to do it, but it's relieving when you're told you can do it again.
I've also been passed on moving around in bed. You see, for the past five months that I have been in hospital, I have had people come in every two hours to help me turn over. Again, it's one of those things I know I am capable of doing when I am healthy, but because of the nature of the bone infection, it's best to get assistance until I am getting better and I guess this means I'm well on the way. Hopefully this means tonight I will sleep better as I shouldn't have anyone coming in at all tonight.
On Thursday I will be practicing car transfers and that will also help decide on exactly what type of new wheelchair I need to get. It's hard to explain but there are heaps of different chairs out there now that fold in all sorts of different ways and come with different aids to help you get them into your car. Seeing as I am looking at getting my license and a car, it is something I now need to think about when designing my chair.
After lunch, I was chilling out in my spot near the gum tree I like and I just happened to make eye contact with my physio and he told me he expects me in tomorrow. He was disappointed I didn't go in today, but once I told him I had to go to OT, it was all fine.
I got up for dinner the second time I was up today and it felt like at that time someone must have put a secret tattoo on my forehead saying, "Complain to this man about your issues." Seriously, for the next hour, I swear everyone who I saw was complaining to me about one thing or another. Even though it was getting dark, I went outside just because I was getting annoyed hearing all the negative drama. It's true that other people's attitudes do become contagious and they have the power to drain you or energize you. Don't be a drain!
This evening I was rather impressed with another staff member. As I was last night with Zoe, tonight it was Michelle. She, like Zoe, unexpectedly went above and beyond the job description and did it with a smile and not a single word of complaint. I didn't even need anything at all from her at the time, but she was due to leave at around 8:00 as that was when her shift ended. I hear a knock on my door and said to come in, having no idea who it was. It was Michelle and she had a sandwich, some biscuits and a coffee and said she just had to make me something herself before she left for the night. If there wasn't a stupid rule about it being unprofessional to hug staff, I would have given her a decent hug for that. I didn't even ask for it but she did it just because she is a really decent person.
I must admit that, as I said at the top about how I actually don't feel like doing this right now, my mood has dipped a bit the past couple of hours. I don't know exactly what triggered it, but when I'm tired it doesn't take much, but I am really missing being home right now. I miss my mum, sisters, closest friends and just the familiarity that normal life has to offer. It's tough because I haven't seen many of those people I love most for a while, but knowing I don't have too long left is good. Well I'm off to get some decent sleep because I'm sure to be smashed around in physio tomorrow.
Today I must admit has been very draining on me, both physically and emotionally. As I write this, all I want to do is lie down and put today behind me. I wasn't even going to write a blog tonight, but I remembered I am trying to be more consistent and disciplined and doing things like this, even when I don't feel like it, is just one of those things. So, I press on and am doing it.
My day was draining because I didn't get a good sleep for a start and then I had an appointment this morning at occupational therapy. It was just at really bad timing because I had to leave right on morning tea time, so I was just about to get my coffee but couldn't because I had to go. However, the lining was definitely silver in this situation because after I went to O.T. so that Sandy, my O.T. could assess how well I am doing with my chair-to-chair and chair-to-bed transfers, she made me a coffee and she made it nice and strong too, so that made up for it. Oh, she passed me on my transfers, by the way. This means I can officially get out of bed and into my chair for myself and don't need a nurse to assist me. For the last few weeks that I've been getting out of bed, they have been using a hoist because apparently it's policy to hoist patients until they are medically cleared to transfer, even if they have been doing it for their entire lives. It's frustrating when you are told you are not allowed to do something when you know you definitely have the capabilities to do it, but it's relieving when you're told you can do it again.
I've also been passed on moving around in bed. You see, for the past five months that I have been in hospital, I have had people come in every two hours to help me turn over. Again, it's one of those things I know I am capable of doing when I am healthy, but because of the nature of the bone infection, it's best to get assistance until I am getting better and I guess this means I'm well on the way. Hopefully this means tonight I will sleep better as I shouldn't have anyone coming in at all tonight.
On Thursday I will be practicing car transfers and that will also help decide on exactly what type of new wheelchair I need to get. It's hard to explain but there are heaps of different chairs out there now that fold in all sorts of different ways and come with different aids to help you get them into your car. Seeing as I am looking at getting my license and a car, it is something I now need to think about when designing my chair.
After lunch, I was chilling out in my spot near the gum tree I like and I just happened to make eye contact with my physio and he told me he expects me in tomorrow. He was disappointed I didn't go in today, but once I told him I had to go to OT, it was all fine.
I got up for dinner the second time I was up today and it felt like at that time someone must have put a secret tattoo on my forehead saying, "Complain to this man about your issues." Seriously, for the next hour, I swear everyone who I saw was complaining to me about one thing or another. Even though it was getting dark, I went outside just because I was getting annoyed hearing all the negative drama. It's true that other people's attitudes do become contagious and they have the power to drain you or energize you. Don't be a drain!
This evening I was rather impressed with another staff member. As I was last night with Zoe, tonight it was Michelle. She, like Zoe, unexpectedly went above and beyond the job description and did it with a smile and not a single word of complaint. I didn't even need anything at all from her at the time, but she was due to leave at around 8:00 as that was when her shift ended. I hear a knock on my door and said to come in, having no idea who it was. It was Michelle and she had a sandwich, some biscuits and a coffee and said she just had to make me something herself before she left for the night. If there wasn't a stupid rule about it being unprofessional to hug staff, I would have given her a decent hug for that. I didn't even ask for it but she did it just because she is a really decent person.
I must admit that, as I said at the top about how I actually don't feel like doing this right now, my mood has dipped a bit the past couple of hours. I don't know exactly what triggered it, but when I'm tired it doesn't take much, but I am really missing being home right now. I miss my mum, sisters, closest friends and just the familiarity that normal life has to offer. It's tough because I haven't seen many of those people I love most for a while, but knowing I don't have too long left is good. Well I'm off to get some decent sleep because I'm sure to be smashed around in physio tomorrow.
Monday 3 June 2013
03-06-13
Monday, June 3, 2013
Today I must acknowledge that it is WA day and that I am definitely a proud West Australian. Sure, while Mum was pregnant with me, she trekked it to Melbourne but fortunately for me I was born over here in Western Australia. I was born in King Edward Memorial Hospital, to be precise. Anyway, I'm not going into detail about the time I was born because, to quote a common meme: Ain't nobody got time for that. Being West Australian means I was born and raised to hate Essendon, Carlton and Collingwood and I can honestly say I still do hate them with a passion. I was also taught that just because we come from a relatively small city to not let the arrogant snobs from the east pick on us, just because they think they have things bigger and better than we do in Perth. I'm not saying all of you in the east are arrogant snobs, but some definitely can be.
Anywho, onto my day. It's been much better than yesterday simply because I was actually left alone last night and managed to get some sleep. I got about twelve hours rest and so I woke up feeling nowhere near as sick as I have been over the weekend. I've kept all my food down and I did get up twice, for two and three quarter hours each time. Tomorrow I get up twice for three hours each, totalling six hours. I must admit I'm grateful it was a public holiday here today because even though I am feeling better, I'm still feeling a bit flat after being a bit sick. It was nice to have one more day to make sure I'm good before tomorrow having to attend OT and physio. First time getting up this morning I managed to get outside to find it a really nice day but unfortunately there were some people smoking near where I usually like to go and so I had to go somewhere else. The second choice had bees all around it and I am allergic, so I had to find another spot. I found another spot and it was fine, although not as nice, but still good. There was a funny moment when a couple of guys asked me if I'd like to join them while they go into the bush to get high and forget their pain for a while. I told them I'm already high on the most high and I've got a better pain solution and his name is Jesus. They then really did look at me as though I was high on something.
The second time I got up, I watched the Eagles game and did not enjoy it at all. I thought, especially over here and on WA day that they would put in a good performance, but their effort was absolutely terrible and consequently, they lost and rather badly too. Although, I recently saw the score in the NRL and I should not be laughing too hard because the Broncos got smacked by the Warriors tonight. Well, Nathan has told me that they are traditionally poor around origin time and I guess if I had to take one, I'd rather Queensland win origin and Brisbane lose a couple of games. Although it should not be an excuse, it has proven to be true over the last few years.
Before I finish for today, I'd like to publicly honour one of the staff members here, Zoe. Not only does she have an amazing name, but tonight she was looking after me and at 6:30, I needed her help with something. She was on her dinner break and meant to be until 7:00. She got up without a fuss, attended to me and made sure I had everything I needed. She even went the extra mile and because I missed supper as I was busy at the time, she went and made me a fresh coffee. She sacrificed her dinner for me and did it all with a smile and no complaining whatsoever. Now that is nothing short of fantastic!
Today I must acknowledge that it is WA day and that I am definitely a proud West Australian. Sure, while Mum was pregnant with me, she trekked it to Melbourne but fortunately for me I was born over here in Western Australia. I was born in King Edward Memorial Hospital, to be precise. Anyway, I'm not going into detail about the time I was born because, to quote a common meme: Ain't nobody got time for that. Being West Australian means I was born and raised to hate Essendon, Carlton and Collingwood and I can honestly say I still do hate them with a passion. I was also taught that just because we come from a relatively small city to not let the arrogant snobs from the east pick on us, just because they think they have things bigger and better than we do in Perth. I'm not saying all of you in the east are arrogant snobs, but some definitely can be.
Anywho, onto my day. It's been much better than yesterday simply because I was actually left alone last night and managed to get some sleep. I got about twelve hours rest and so I woke up feeling nowhere near as sick as I have been over the weekend. I've kept all my food down and I did get up twice, for two and three quarter hours each time. Tomorrow I get up twice for three hours each, totalling six hours. I must admit I'm grateful it was a public holiday here today because even though I am feeling better, I'm still feeling a bit flat after being a bit sick. It was nice to have one more day to make sure I'm good before tomorrow having to attend OT and physio. First time getting up this morning I managed to get outside to find it a really nice day but unfortunately there were some people smoking near where I usually like to go and so I had to go somewhere else. The second choice had bees all around it and I am allergic, so I had to find another spot. I found another spot and it was fine, although not as nice, but still good. There was a funny moment when a couple of guys asked me if I'd like to join them while they go into the bush to get high and forget their pain for a while. I told them I'm already high on the most high and I've got a better pain solution and his name is Jesus. They then really did look at me as though I was high on something.
The second time I got up, I watched the Eagles game and did not enjoy it at all. I thought, especially over here and on WA day that they would put in a good performance, but their effort was absolutely terrible and consequently, they lost and rather badly too. Although, I recently saw the score in the NRL and I should not be laughing too hard because the Broncos got smacked by the Warriors tonight. Well, Nathan has told me that they are traditionally poor around origin time and I guess if I had to take one, I'd rather Queensland win origin and Brisbane lose a couple of games. Although it should not be an excuse, it has proven to be true over the last few years.
Before I finish for today, I'd like to publicly honour one of the staff members here, Zoe. Not only does she have an amazing name, but tonight she was looking after me and at 6:30, I needed her help with something. She was on her dinner break and meant to be until 7:00. She got up without a fuss, attended to me and made sure I had everything I needed. She even went the extra mile and because I missed supper as I was busy at the time, she went and made me a fresh coffee. She sacrificed her dinner for me and did it all with a smile and no complaining whatsoever. Now that is nothing short of fantastic!
Sunday 2 June 2013
02-06-13
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Today will be a quick one because to be honest, I don't feel like doing this. I just want to go to sleep, or at least try it for a while before I get harrassed a million times tonight.
It has not been a good day for me today because as I said yesterday, I was not feeling well and today I seem to have become worse. My headache hasn't been as bad, but I am rather lethargic, nautious and just generally feeling like crap.
Just before lunch, Aunty Coral came in with a decent coffee and some of her own baking (which was good, by the way) and I managed to drink that okay. Lunch came and even though it was a nice roast, I only ate about half of it before I felt sick again and then went back to sleep until about 1:30.
Today will be a quick one because to be honest, I don't feel like doing this. I just want to go to sleep, or at least try it for a while before I get harrassed a million times tonight.
It has not been a good day for me today because as I said yesterday, I was not feeling well and today I seem to have become worse. My headache hasn't been as bad, but I am rather lethargic, nautious and just generally feeling like crap.
Just before lunch, Aunty Coral came in with a decent coffee and some of her own baking (which was good, by the way) and I managed to drink that okay. Lunch came and even though it was a nice roast, I only ate about half of it before I felt sick again and then went back to sleep until about 1:30.
It hasn't been all bad today though because I still managed to get up out of bed (though it was only once for two hours and forty five minutes, instead of twice for that amount of time) and I spent some time outside to get some fresh air and that did help me a bit, or so at least I thought. I then went back inside to grab a jumper because the air was a bit cold and when I went back outside, I felt sick again and couldn't stop myself vomiting the little amount of lunch I'd tried. I didn't even bother with dinner tonight because it didn't even look good and I didn't feel like risking it.
Also today I did hear from Kathy, which made me smile, even though it was only a few brief messages. Just knowing that someone genuinely cares when you're not well is a great thing, especially when it's unexpected. Today I realized something about myself: no matter how I am feeling physically, hearing from my best friend and watching an Adam Sandler movie (Anger Management) will always make me smile and feel better, at least emotionally.
Well that is enough for today because as I said at the top, I am tired and not feeling the best.
Saturday 1 June 2013
01-06-13
Saturday, June 1, 2013
I think it's appropriate, responsible and mature if I start this blog the right way: A pinch and a punch to all of you for the first of the month and no returns! Right, now that is out of the way, let me tell you about my day today. As I mentioned last night, I discovered that I have heating in my room and I must admit that having the heater on last night has definitely helped with the joint pain. Today they felt totally fine and pain-free. However, aside from this, it was not a great day from a physical point of view. I woke up with a cranking headache and nothing seemed to work today to fix it. I tried sleeping it off, drinking more water, getting some fresh air, drinking strong coffee and nothing has helped. I really don't want to resort to pain-killers because the only painkillers that work on me are the likes of oxycontin which knock me right out and leave me feeling sick. Because of everything I've been through medically over the years, nothing else touches me anymore because my body has built an immunity to most of it. That's not as good as it may seem because it's at the stage now when I am home, I can't do much if I get a migraine other than just wait for it to go because without a doctor's script, nothing over the counter works for me.
Aside from the headache and feeling generally unwell, it hasn't been a terrible day all-round. I did manage to still get out of bed for five hours in total (2x 2.5 hours each) and watch the Dockers go six weeks now without a loss. I must admit going into the bye, I'm getting a bit excited for the second-half of their season because some of the best players will be back and they are very well placed already. However, I've been following them since their inception in 1995 and so I know not to get too carried away because anything could happen. Still on the AFL, I watched Geelong v Gold Coast this evening and thought it would be a very boring, one-sided game of footy and I was only watching it to pass the time really. Therefore I was pleasantly surprised to see that for three quarters, the Suns took it right up to Geelong with their intensity at the contest, their skills and their only downfall was that they didn't put more reward for their effort onto the scoreboard. Unfortunately for them, they grew tired as they are a very young team and Geelong managed to run over the top in the last quarter and secured what looked like a reasonably comfortable win in the end.
After the footy, I found Die Hard on ten and so I've been (and still am) watching that. However, I've still got that wretched headache and am feeling unwell so I'm going to try get some sleep.
I think it's appropriate, responsible and mature if I start this blog the right way: A pinch and a punch to all of you for the first of the month and no returns! Right, now that is out of the way, let me tell you about my day today. As I mentioned last night, I discovered that I have heating in my room and I must admit that having the heater on last night has definitely helped with the joint pain. Today they felt totally fine and pain-free. However, aside from this, it was not a great day from a physical point of view. I woke up with a cranking headache and nothing seemed to work today to fix it. I tried sleeping it off, drinking more water, getting some fresh air, drinking strong coffee and nothing has helped. I really don't want to resort to pain-killers because the only painkillers that work on me are the likes of oxycontin which knock me right out and leave me feeling sick. Because of everything I've been through medically over the years, nothing else touches me anymore because my body has built an immunity to most of it. That's not as good as it may seem because it's at the stage now when I am home, I can't do much if I get a migraine other than just wait for it to go because without a doctor's script, nothing over the counter works for me.
Aside from the headache and feeling generally unwell, it hasn't been a terrible day all-round. I did manage to still get out of bed for five hours in total (2x 2.5 hours each) and watch the Dockers go six weeks now without a loss. I must admit going into the bye, I'm getting a bit excited for the second-half of their season because some of the best players will be back and they are very well placed already. However, I've been following them since their inception in 1995 and so I know not to get too carried away because anything could happen. Still on the AFL, I watched Geelong v Gold Coast this evening and thought it would be a very boring, one-sided game of footy and I was only watching it to pass the time really. Therefore I was pleasantly surprised to see that for three quarters, the Suns took it right up to Geelong with their intensity at the contest, their skills and their only downfall was that they didn't put more reward for their effort onto the scoreboard. Unfortunately for them, they grew tired as they are a very young team and Geelong managed to run over the top in the last quarter and secured what looked like a reasonably comfortable win in the end.
After the footy, I found Die Hard on ten and so I've been (and still am) watching that. However, I've still got that wretched headache and am feeling unwell so I'm going to try get some sleep.
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